pick a page... any page!

Wow! Look here! We've got ourselves a genuine "vegan straight edge crew"! Even better, they are shown here at their beach house get away where they hold their "Gay Quakers United" meetings. Look at the guy with the "urban camouflage" hat. My friend is a marine and he has told me that anytime a REAL soldier sees one of these idiot gangsta wannabe's wearing those things, they just want to kill them and show them what a REAL soldier is like. What the hell does that camouflage do for that guy anyway? "Uh oh! We can't see the top of your head! Where'd it go!? Oh there it is! Damn! It blended in so perfectly with that building, I couldn't even see it!" What an idiot. And what's with all the stupid hand gestures here? It looks like some of them are missing fingers or their hands have mutated. Maybe it's just a secret code amongst vegan gay quakers. I guess we'll never know. (darn)

"PSST! HEY WINKY! I know I'm supposedly vegan and straight edge and punk and all of these 'cool' things.... but I was wondering if you could help me. See, I thought I could make a shitload of money and impress girls by being a part of this whole scene. It seemed like it was the biggest thing since the Seattle grunge thing, so I figured why not try it out. Well, now I'm completely broke, and the only female that wants me is a 50 year old, 500lb waitress at Waffle House. She's a lot of woman for me to take on. So, my question is: Can you slip me a few bucks and some meat? I've gotta fatten up so I can compete with my new love beast. I just don't feel like I'm that much of a man yet, and some meat would really do me good. Just don't tell any of the people in the scene about my 'bending the rules' a bit. I've got an image to hold up, ok? Thanks man!"

Ok, let's have a poll for this one. What do you think this hippie vegan should be using to hit his drums? The drum sticks in his hands or the petrified, nappy dreds that are caked onto his cranium? I choose the nappy dreds. They're more solid, and I'm sure they'd last longer. Plus, he wouldn't ever have to worry about dropping them during a performance like he would with his sticks. I'm quite positive they'd stick to his hands like super glue!

"Somebody help me! Please!" Hahahaha! This sucker fell for one of my all-time favorite "Winky Gags To Play On Musicians At Shows!" He's in shock because his nose is stuck to the microphone. That's because I put a few dabs of quick-drying glue on the mic and walla! An instant embarrassment for this guy who once thought he was "da bomb". Now you know what happens when you try to act cool in front of Winky!

Well, look what somebody drew for us in their preschool class today? It's a picture of a South Park character sporting some straight edge gear and propaganda! I'm sorry, if you can't draw a picture of those SIMPLE South Park characters, you might as well call it quits pal. They're simple SHAPES for crissake! And South Park is another fad that's going to die just as quickly as it came in. It's a lame show that has ripped off tons of other shows. Here's a page with someone who agrees with me. It's called The Anti-South Park Page. Finally, somebody out there agrees with me about the stupidity of this overrated show. It's no wonder the morons in the sXe/vegan community would support such mindless crap.

Onto the next page of hate!