He tried to light me on fire
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to molest a zebra in Her Majesty's presence
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to hit me with a funnoodle
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to give my dog mental anguish
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to make Guitar Woman sexually frustrated
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to hurl a brick at the urologist's office
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to rip off Aladdin's clothes at Disneyland and make him his personal "carpet caddy", only to find that it was his sister in drag
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to measure himself without using standardized units
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to rape his PS2, thinking the expansion deck was a sex hole
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to use the pick-up line "Could you bend over I'd like to see your asscrack" on Harry Potter
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to use the same line on his Mother as well
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to see how many licks it takes to get to the center of an anatomically correct snowman
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to see if it could just be one
very long lick
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to get jury duty so he could be locked in a room with eleven strangers
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)
He tried to create "The Elevator of Fruit Bat Erotica"
![Mad](http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/emoticons/mad.gif)