FORUM EVENT: "I-MOCKERY'S FIGURE OUT A NEW USE FOR A TENTACLE ARM CONTEST!"

[jared]

I've been workin' on these contests for six, seven, maybe twelve years and the best I ever got was a runner-up acknowledgment.
But don't fall for the kitten gimmick. He gets into the catnip and then he goes crazy. He's killed and mutilated a dozen hookers all over Texas. He killed Julius Caesar. He taught Mao everything he knew. He wrote episodes of Dallas.

EDIT: Wait, I think I'm overestimating the audience. It is implied here that if I lose the contest, the stool will be removed and the kitten will be hung on the tentacle. Since tentacles are muscle-masses, the addition of the stool is just for dramatic effect. I really regret having posted this, but I'm not going back on it now. I mean, I really regret it, because it's dull and it just doesn't work, dramatically or comedically. I'm sorry. I.. I'll do better. It says I can post more above. It'll be alright.

EDIT: Another edit for the extraordinarily stupid. The new use for the tentacle is hanging kittens. Or hanging anything you like, really; live your own lives.