"Hello, I am the Green Scorpion, an aspiring Real-Life Superhero. If you don't know what that is, check out: www.worldsuperheroregistry.com It is the site where I learned that such people actually exist. I have long thought that there should be people like that, so I have decided to become one, putting my money where my mouth is. Now when I watch the news, I don't say "That's terrible, how tragic!", I say "That really pisses me off! What should I do about it?" I have not accomplished much yet, aside from occasionally patrolling my neighborhood, but I am networking with like-minded individuals and hope to really take a bite out of crime in the future! I am here to chew gum and kick ass, and I'm all out of gum!*"
*This is actually a really good quote. So manly. Oh, wait a sec! Isn't that a Duke Nukem quote?! Oh shit! When he's not fighting crime, Green Scorpion is at home in his living room playing video games. Wow! WoW even.
So, following the recommendation, I went to this world superhero registry website. It seems that superheros are far too busy fighting crime to find a web designer who isn't a Geocities retard. Poor web design aside, we are presented with the criteria an aspiring superhero must meet in order to be
considered for registration.
"Costume: The purpose of a costume is not simply to protect the identity of the Real-Life Superhero from criminals that might seek revenge, but to make a statement both to the evil-doers that you fight against and to the world at large...The costume of a Real-Life Superhero must be of sufficient quality to show some care went into it's creation."
So the outfit is a statement to evil-doers? Let's check out some of these comstumes. I'll assume the role of an "evil-doer" and make a judgement.
First up, "The Eye".
Statement made: "I am Gaysexual."
Let's see, he has to make a statement with his costume, and he wears a leather jacket and a tie?! That's not even a costume! You'd get no candy if you dressed up like this prick for Halloween.
NEXT!
"Ragensi"
Oooooh! Look at me! I'm all black and
"I study paranormal phenomena, mostly the similarities of beings that people perceive to be angels , demons , aliens , tax collectors , etc." He covers up his face trying to be all badass like a ninja, (which is universally agreed upon that they are totally awesome). Way to bum a lift on that train, you dolt. I love how he tried to be funny by adding "tax collectors" to his list. What an asshat. All he implies is that tax collectors are a paranormal phenomena. Please go swallow a knife Ragensi, I hate you.
I'm not going to hate on all of these guys. Believe me, there's quite a few to hate on:
http://www.worldsuperheroregistry.co...ry_gallery.htm
I won't do that because there's actually a guy I like....
Polar Man!
Self declared neighbourhood bitch!
Sure, I still believe he is a turd. Perhaps it's because he is the least offensive one that makes me think of him as an
actual person.
"Polar Man shovels elders' steps and walkways, entertains children and prowls the streets some nights keeping an eye out for vandals
He models himself after a figure in an Inuit legend, an unknown white man, who provided food and clothing to people in need."
Look how proud he is, standing there with his shovel! You shovel our drives and keep our bridges paint-free while we now have more time to have lives. Good on you, Shovel Man! Good on you!
Oh, but wait!! It gets nerdier!!
Superhero Lair Project
http://www.worldsuperheroregistry.co...ollarlairpage/
Superhero PHILOSOPHY!
http://www.worldsuperheroregistry.co...philosophy.htm
"Apprehending prostitutes saves no lives, protects no property, and does not significantly advance the cause of justice."
Superhero "Intelligence"!
http://www.worldsuperheroregistry.co...telligence.htm
I bet they do all this just to avoid talking to girls.