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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 03:27 AM        Editorials - TV Shows I Really Wish Dexter Morgan Would Visit
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greenimp greenimp is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 05:41 AM       
yes, muhahaha, if dexter dosent do it i will.
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JakeOfAllTrades JakeOfAllTrades is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 06:47 AM       
I remember when my mother thought this Dexter show sounded like a horrific premise, started watching it, and loved it. I'm not so familiar with Family Matters, Full House and Cavemen, but they seem sucky to me, especially since I saw an episode of Full House in America when I was visiting Disneyland.
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McFly McFly is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 08:44 AM       
I think you could probably add some of the stupid reality shows that are out there, especially the ones that are spawned from MTV. This station that once played music videos is all about reality shows including the Real World, Laguna Beach, and the Hills. This is not including the “I am ever-so-rich” Cribs, and “daddy-buy-me-that” My Super Sweet 16.

The sad thing about this is once they do away with some of these reality shows, about 5 more would pop up in its place.
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Julio Julio is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 09:14 AM       
This is an amazing article Proto. It brought me plenty of chuckles while at my animation class at college. I have to apologize with the rest of my fellow mockers for making such a long comment, but I feel I have a lot to say about this.

Despite I haven't seen Dexter Morgan's show so far (I have seen commercials about it, but either I'm never at home nor I have the time to watch it) I agree with several of your proposals in order to make sure that plenty of these characters suffer a painful death.

I remember how most of the "elite" assholes that attended the same high school I did liked Friends to the point that they were actually trying to achieve the same way of living. Now, I've never watched such an awful show and it never got such attention from my part even with heavy rotation of commercials between every other show on TV. It is evident that the whole cast deserved to be destroyed.

As controversial as this may seem, I have to agree with your decision of adding The Simpsons to the list, but I have another powerful reason besides the fact that they have ceased to be as funny as they used to be. In Mexico, this show used to kick some serious butt since the nineties and it had one of the most awesome ratings despite having re-runs every now and then. Unfortunately, several seasons ago the voice actors that gave the awesome Spanish voices (Mexican Spanish, mind you) to the whole cast were fired because they were asking for a raise in their respective salaries. This is sad, because a lot of people know how good the Mexican dubbing is in the whole world and they clearly deserved a compensation after many years of loyal service. The result was that they replaced the previously famous voice actors with a new cast that now pretends to imitate their very same accents with horrendous results. This, plus the fact that the show has fallen in humor quality, makes me wish that it ended its Mexican broadcast a long time ago. I can live with the re-runs, trust me.

I always loved Full House, but the most fatal flaw it had was Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen as the annoying Michelle. I won't give any further details, but her death should be a teddy bear rigged to explode when she receives a hug from that silly kid (kids?).

Finally, I don't know why you don't watch Two and a Half Me more being such an awesome sitcom. It always make me laugh with some of the antics that Charlie (Charlie Sheen's character name in the series, how original =P) pulls every time. I have to admit though that his brother Alan usually annoys me to the point of wanting to turn off the TV, risking any potential joke involving him.

A show (or rather shows) that I seriously consider you include in this hit list are the nasty Mexican Telenovelas that are broadcasted here late night. The same fucking story, the same cliches, the same lame characters... It is a painful experience for all of us (specially men, although I know of some weird specimens that do watch them) when our mothers or girlfriends can't stop talking about the most recent episode that doesn't make any difference AT ALL regarding the previous ones. Feel free to ask if you want to know more. I don't need to watch those atrocities to know what the hell is going on with a lot of gossip regarding them every single day. Perhaps that's the way I'll day: Having Dexter Morgan watch telenovelas all day long until my brain ceases any sign of coherent activity.
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 09:19 AM       
I don't know what the hell I was thinking wile writing this, but in my last paragraph I wanted to say "That's the way I'll die".
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Funky Fried Chicken Funky Fried Chicken is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 10:25 AM       
Could Dexter bring Alejandro's corpse from Heroes to the train tracks to make her demise that much more fun? Pretty much the second those two were introduced I knew the second season was going to be a lot of suck. And it was! Yay! Now, I know, they had to turn a mid point episode into a finale but still....it really sucked. The best parts, as always, were Hiro. Ooh, and right after Bennett shoots Nathan Dexter should shoot Peter in the head with a hollow point bullet, no coming back from that.

He needs to kill off The Wiggles. Maybe switch that pirates sword with a real one so that when he tickles them he slices them up. Hey, I'm a Kindergarten teacher, these things become common knowledge.

Skating With Celebrities
, just for their replacement of Arrested Development, just have the ice break while they're all skating or something. In fact, while we're at it let's throw all the cast members current and former of reality television shows down the hole while we're at it. Even The Surreal Life so that we'll never have to hear about Flavor of Love or I Love New York or any of the crap that came from it.

He should visit the house in Step By Step and one by one just push them all down the steps.

Anything on MTV after Singled Out and Loveline went off the air, not that they were great shows but that was about the end of any quality programming on MTV (The Maxx and The Head anyone?

Oh, and the mother fucking Neutrino's from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Of all the stupid characters thrown in to make a toy line I hated them the most.
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Angryhydralisk Angryhydralisk is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 12:13 PM       
Predictable, but toally rad (and something any self-respecting person watching tv for 20-some years would want to choose to kill). Proto, it's like your "hit list" articles are the new "Things That Must Be Destroyed". Good times.

And they really have a show based on the Cavemen!? That made me laugh.
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Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 01:14 PM       
Great premise for an article, Proto.

Friends demise should also include Dexter showing them how "Friendly" they are in prison first. My GOD how I hate that show.

Trivia - Alan (John Cryer, playing Charlie Sheen's doofus brother on 2½ men) got his start as a child actor playing opposite Molly Ringwald in "Pretty in Pink" . I believe his character was named "Ducky". Just another reason why he must die.

Other suggestions? How about Kirk "you're all going to HELL" Cameron from "Growing Pains"? Dexter could pour hot flaming oil all over his ass.
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Tom Foolery Tom Foolery is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 01:19 PM       
What if Dexter Morgan visited Six Feet Under and tried to kill David Fischer? Now that would be very trippy indeed.

Oh, and Dexter should definately kill Orko from Masters of the Universe. Orko's so lame.
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Miroslav208 Miroslav208 is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 02:01 PM       
Come on, seriously, the Simpsons? Yes, they should have been stopped seasons ago, but they don't deserve to be utterly terminated.
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McFly McFly is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 02:08 PM       
Yes Alan Cryer was “Duckie” from Pretty in Pink. Needless to say, he likes to play in roles that require a lot of whining.

As for the show “Cavemen” it was cancelled after 6 episodes, which showed that the world may still have a soul left.
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 02:45 PM       
McFly's idea to have Dexter massacre MTV reality "stars" is a great one. Imagine a show based on that premise... it'd be a license to print money!
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 02:53 PM       
honestly, I liked home improvement, it was better then fucking 'everybody loved raymond' my mother loved that show but I thought it sucked badly, I so wanted to kill raymond and the mother in law at least, (actually the only one I would have spared was the father, and maybe the brother) and family matters as ok, I liked steve cause sterotype or not in the end (yes I did see the final episodes) he got the girl, not bad for a dated nerd if you ask me
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 03:30 PM       
Being a diehard Simpsons fanboy who was raised on the show, I really don't want to agree on that choice. I'm trying very hard to disagree. But considering the state of the show at this point, even I'm getting to the point where I need to throw in the towel (just one laugh an episode sometimes). But I consider it more a mercy killing at this point, and don't think they deserve the more outlandish methods outlines up there.
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Aries Aries is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 05:23 PM       
I can't believe nobody mentioned Will & Grace! The whole cast needs to be wiped out.
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 05:49 PM       
Alan Cryer? I thought it was Jon Cryer.
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wetstereorebel wetstereorebel is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 05:51 PM       
But, more importantly:

Where is the new "Tales from the Longbox," Proto?
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Protoclown Protoclown is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 05:56 PM       
I am actually working on it now. It'll be up sometime next week.

And yes, Aries, I agree about Will and Grace. The five minutes of one episode I saw was enough to make me want to rip my own head off.
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briny bill briny bill is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 07:08 PM       
so dexter is like the boondock saints
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Pentegarn Pentegarn is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 07:28 PM       
I can think of quite a laundry list of characters I am surprised you didn't list such as....

Balki Bartokomous on Perfect Strangers
The entire cast of Growing Pains
The entire cast of Family Ties except Alex Keaton
The entire cast of Family ties INCLUDING Alex Keaton
Gloria Bunker/Stivic of All in the Family
Snarf from Thundercats

I could go on but my hands would hurt from the endless typng :P
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McFly McFly is offline
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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 11:44 PM       
John Cryer, my bad...
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Copper Copper is offline
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Old Aug 15th, 2008, 12:13 AM       
Seifeld. Yes, even Kramer. I'm sorry, but the show's premise literally is *nothing* and when a show runs for, what, nine seasons? Something like that, and I've only ever seen four episodes because they're the same ones they run over and over and over again, it ceases to be funny.

Oh yes, and Survivor. Pretty much copy the whole "American Idol" thing and that's my solution.

I can agree with most of the rest of the list, although maybe not Urkel. Sure, he had that voice, but that was part of what made him endearing. Unlike Ray Romano. My father always disliked that show because he and his wife were always fighting about something. Got on his nerves.
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Old Aug 15th, 2008, 01:15 AM       
God - I am so happy that - with the exception of the first 10 seasons of The Simpsons - I've never watched any of these shows. Ever.

Unfortunately - other than that one free Showtime weekend - I've never seen much of Dexter either yeah, I know, they ran it on network TV. A cable show about a serial killer on network TV? no thanks.
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Mister Tea Mister Tea is offline
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Old Aug 15th, 2008, 01:27 AM       
Call me crazy, but like Dex's traditional modus operandi: strap the bastards to a table and dismember 'em with a power saw.

And after Saget is done violating the corpses of the Olsen twins, go ahead and put him on the slab, too; anyone who could ruin a perfectly good nut-shot with that stupid falsetto voice is just ASKING to be cut into pieces.
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