Editorials

TV Shows I Really Wish Dexter Morgan Would Visit
by: Protoclown

If you're familiar with Dexter (and if you're not, shame on you—it's one of the best shows on TV), then you know that the eponymous main character is a serial killer, but he only kills bad people who deserve to die. Perhaps I'm a little more liberal in my definition of "those who deserve to die", because I can think of plenty of other shows that I wish he could visit and go "take care of business" over with their cast of characters.

So let's pretend for a moment that Dexter considers extremely annoying people to be worthy of his death sentence and imagine how much better life would be if he could cross over into some of these other shows for a special guest appearance.  Let us also imagine, for the sake of variety, that Dexter may deviate from the norm and use different methods to do away with these characters so that this doesn't get really boring after about the third entry. Many of these shows have already completed their run, so let's just consider how great it would be if Dex could appear in a rerun and suddenly retcon these sorry losers out of existence. So who should be on Dexter's hitlist?


Home Improvement

The Target: Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor

The Crime: When the main character for a television series is built around an annoying stand-up schtick, you just know you're dealing with a quality concept that will last the test of time. Sadly, in its early years I watched more of this series than I'd ever care to admit, before I developed things such as "taste" or "a brain". Tim Allen's constipated caveman grunting and his oh-so-hilarious commentary about gender relations ("boy, men and women sure are different! Men like power tools and women like to shop! *grunt grunt poooop*") get tedious after about five minutes, and eight seasons of this garbage would be enough to drive nearly anyone to murder. And boy, did they ever get things right when they nicknamed his character "the toolman" because he's about as big a tool as I could imagine anyone being.

The Method: It doesn't take much of a stretch to imagine that Tim Taylor's demise has to in some way involve power tools. I suggest painfully building him into the framework of a small outhouse and then sealing him inside it a la "The Cask of Amontillado". Then perhaps Bob Vila could be called in to christen it with its very first use. After eating Mexican for lunch and drinking lots of cheap beer.


Friends

The Target: Pretty much the entire cast

The Crime: Being cliquish, rich, pretty, self-centered, whiny, boring douchebags. I know plenty of people have loved this show over the years, with its formulaic plots and unconvincing two-dimensional characters, but I have never been able to fathom why. I have seen several episodes, and its feeble attempts at evoking laughter from me are about as effective as tank treads on a submarine.

The Method: Dexter would have to be introduced as the new significant other of one of the female cast members, gaining the trust of the other characters for an episode or two. He would suggest that the group all get together one night to play some games, at which point he would introduce them to a very fun game called "Murder in the Dark".


The Simpsons

The Target: The Simpsons

The Crime: Remember when The Simpsons used to be a good, fresh, funny show? I vaguely seem to recall such a time through the cataract-filled haze of distant, wispy formed memory. Hell, maybe this commentary isn't even valid anymore. Perhaps they've gone full circle and are funny again for all I know. The last time I attempted to watch the show was several years ago and it was about as humorless as a vasectomy performed with a screwdriver, a brick, and no anesthetic. Maybe after nineteen years and the fact that I have seen them rip off themselves by rehashing the plots of earlier episodes, it's time to say goodbye. They could have and should have gone out on a high note, so they'd be fondly remembered. As it is now, whenever someone mentions "The Simpsons", most people I know roll their eyes and groan.

The Method: Okay, so it's really not his style, but the Simpsons will all be dispatched with ironic death traps, a la Saw or Seven. Homer will be fixed with a heart plug, with a string tied to a donut attached to the end of it. Marge will be scalped by a giant vacuum that will remove her hair and the rest of her skull. Lisa will be given a puzzle, the correct answer being the one that results in death. Bart will be killed by the Flanders boys, who are given a gun and a tip from "God" that that neighbor boy "has the devil in him", and Maggie will be thrown in a garbage crusher with a voice-activated shut off.


Family Matters

The Target: Steve Urkel

The Crime: Do I even need to explain this one? Really? This pathetic, dated caricature of nerds with his hitched up pants, suspenders, glasses large enough for all the LOST survivors to float back to civilization on and still have room to spare, and a nasally high pitched voice that sounds something like Jar Jar Binks with a cold and a broken nose apparently had audiences laughing it up in the early 90s. Where are these rumored audiences now? Well, no one will admit to knowing anything about them, and they are only spoken of in hushed whispers in dark shadowy corners, so who knows? I heard that one of them was all made up of Bigfoots.

The Method: Obviously since we are dealing with the world's biggest nerd who gives every other nerd a bad name, his death would have to involve some kind of horrific wedgie. Dexter would stuff his tighty-whities (because you know a guy like Urkel doesn't wear boxers) with razor blades or perhaps an angry rottweiler puppy before doing the deed.


Full House

The Target: Everyone except for Danny Tanner (just hear me out here)

The Crime: Being really really really really really really really really lame. And annoying.

The Method: This one is easy. Dexter would lock everyone in a room with a gun and a special switch that will release deadly gas into the room if Uncle Joey stops telling his lame jokes for even a minute. The situation should work itself out. And why is Danny Tanner spared, you ask? Well, if you've seen Bob Saget in anything besides Full House and America's Funniest Home Videos, you would know that it would only be a matter of the very next episode before he was horrifically violating the corpses, and that's some good family programming right there.


Cavemen

The Target: All those goddamn stupid cavemen

The Crime: The fact that they're part of a television series that sprung forth from a line of Geico Insurance commercials should be enough to damn them to the bowels of Hell, but the fact that they're really intensely, immensely unfunny certainly helps. I'll never understand why so many people like these stupid cavemen. I have seen one or two of the commercials and they are just plain dumb. There is nothing charming about them at all. Die cavemen die.

The Method: Naturally, to dispatch these terrible annoyances, Dexter would dress up as an astronaut and bludgeon the cavemen to death one by one with a monkey wrench.


Two and a Half Men

The Target: Charlie Sheen's annoying "sidekick"

The Crime: I have had the misfortune to catch bits of this horrible show on a couple occasions, usually in some public place like a doctor's waiting room or some other place where I can't ignore it no matter how much I try precisely because I want to so badly. Basically the show's formula goes something like this: Charlie Sheen is suave and calm and cool about everything, while his friend who is one of the worst actors I've ever seen freaks out and hams it up so badly for the studio audience that he does everything to break the fourth wall short of winking knowingly to the camera. I saw one episode where they were in a library, and Charlie's friend (I'm not even going to bother learning any of these characters names) was so overwhelmed by how many books there were and how many choices he had that he started freaking out and hyperventilating. I think it's about high time he's given something to hyperventilate about. There is also a child character on the show, but I've mercifully never seen him. As child characters are almost universally annoying, there's a good chance that if I had, he would be making this list too.

The Method: I think it would be all too fitting that the annoying sidekick from this show should be carved into two and a half pieces (some of you hot shot mathematicians out there may say "you mean three", but I say thee nay), and then perhaps those pieces could be stuffed in an airplane panic barf bag and left on Mr. Sheen's front door.


American Idol

The Target: Everyone who has ever been involved in this show in any capacity whatsoever.

The Crime: Being involved in this show in any capacity whatsoever.

The Method: Nuking them from orbit is the only way to be sure. Let's just pretend Dexter has access to nukes. And a spaceship.


Everybody Loves Raymond

The Target: Raymond, obviously

The Crime: Aside from the fact that this asshole is one of the most overpaid, annoying, unfunny "comedians" who has ever existed, he has got to have the most awful voice I have ever heard. It sounds like a fat kid with a serious goiter wearing a squeaky clown nose that pinches his nostrils shut being run over by Jabba the Hutt. I realize the guy can't help the voice he was born with (yes, even as a baby, he sounded just like that), but you know what he can help? Talking with it.

The Method: I have never seen more than two minutes of this show at a time, so I know nothing whatsoever about any of the characters except that none of them are funny. So I don't really know an appropriate way for the character to die, so let's just have Dexter shovel throat lozenges down his throat until the problem of his obnoxious voice (and breathing) is fixed.


Heroes

The Target: Maya Herrera

The Crime: Season Two of this series introduced a whole new batch of utterly useless, boring characters, but the worst offenders were definitely Maya Herrera and her brother Alejandro, whose storyline was by far the least compelling of an entire group of uninteresting storylines. Fortunately Maya was naive and stupid enough to invite the two-dimensional Sylar (a guy who couldn't be any more obvious a villain if he grew a moustache and twirled it while tying young ladies to railroad tracks) along on their journey to America, which mercifully resulted in the death of half the pair. Where Sylar has failed, Dexter would triumph. And maybe even kill Sylar for good measure as well, since that guy has worn out his welcome too.

The Method: Since Maya seems to be particularly clueless when it comes to dealing with bad guys, I suggest that Dexter go all out, get a cape, grow a moustache, kidnap her and then actually tie her to some train tracks. Then, because her powers involve her eyes filling with inky blackness while she mysteriously seems to drain the life out of everyone around, Dexter would airlift an octopus to squirt ink into her eyes and crush her to a pulp as it convulses to its suffocating death. Wouldn't want to wait for a train to do the job, after all. That's just cliche.

So that's just a sampling of shows that I strongly feel Dexter should visit. If you have any other shows to suggest, feel free to mention them in the comments thread below!

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:


McDonald's Ad Campaigns Through the Years

Reader Comments

grants but one wish
Aug 14th, 2008, 05:41 AM
yes, muhahaha, if dexter dosent do it i will.
Official Punching Bag
Aug 14th, 2008, 06:47 AM
I remember when my mother thought this Dexter show sounded like a horrific premise, started watching it, and loved it. I'm not so familiar with Family Matters, Full House and Cavemen, but they seem sucky to me, especially since I saw an episode of Full House in America when I was visiting Disneyland.
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Aug 14th, 2008, 08:44 AM
I think you could probably add some of the stupid reality shows that are out there, especially the ones that are spawned from MTV. This station that once played music videos is all about reality shows including the Real World, Laguna Beach, and the Hills. This is not including the I am ever-so-rich Cribs, and daddy-buy-me-that My Super Sweet 16.

The sad thing about this is once they do away with some of these reality shows, about 5 more would pop up in its place.
Riot Control
Aug 14th, 2008, 09:14 AM
This is an amazing article Proto. It brought me plenty of chuckles while at my animation class at college. I have to apologize with the rest of my fellow mockers for making such a long comment, but I feel I have a lot to say about this.

Despite I haven't seen Dexter Morgan's show so far (I have seen commercials about it, but either I'm never at home nor I have the time to watch it) I agree with several of your proposals in order to make sure that plenty of these characters suffer a painful death.

I remember how most of the "elite" assholes that attended the same high school I did liked Friends to the point that they were actually trying to achieve the same way of living. Now, I've never watched such an awful show and it never got such attention from my part even with heavy rotation of commercials between every other show on TV. It is evident that the whole cast deserved to be destroyed.

As controversial as this may seem, I have to agree with your decision of adding The Simpsons to the list, but I have another powerful reason besides the fact that they have ceased to be as funny as they used to be. In Mexico, this show used to kick some serious butt since the nineties and it had one of the most awesome ratings despite having re-runs every now and then. Unfortunately, several seasons ago the voice actors that gave the awesome Spanish voices (Mexican Spanish, mind you) to the whole cast were fired because they were asking for a raise in their respective salaries. This is sad, because a lot of people know how good the Mexican dubbing is in the whole world and they clearly deserved a compensation after many years of loyal service. The result was that they replaced the previously famous voice actors with a new cast that now pretends to imitate their very same accents with horrendous results. This, plus the fact that the show has fallen in humor quality, makes me wish that it ended its Mexican broadcast a long time ago. I can live with the re-runs, trust me.

I always loved Full House, but the most fatal flaw it had was Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen as the annoying Michelle. I won't give any further details, but her death should be a teddy bear rigged to explode when she receives a hug from that silly kid (kids?).

Finally, I don't know why you don't watch Two and a Half Me more being such an awesome sitcom. It always make me laugh with some of the antics that Charlie (Charlie Sheen's character name in the series, how original =P) pulls every time. I have to admit though that his brother Alan usually annoys me to the point of wanting to turn off the TV, risking any potential joke involving him.

A show (or rather shows) that I seriously consider you include in this hit list are the nasty Mexican Telenovelas that are broadcasted here late night. The same fucking story, the same cliches, the same lame characters... It is a painful experience for all of us (specially men, although I know of some weird specimens that do watch them) when our mothers or girlfriends can't stop talking about the most recent episode that doesn't make any difference AT ALL regarding the previous ones. Feel free to ask if you want to know more. I don't need to watch those atrocities to know what the hell is going on with a lot of gossip regarding them every single day. Perhaps that's the way I'll day: Having Dexter Morgan watch telenovelas all day long until my brain ceases any sign of coherent activity.
Riot Control
Aug 14th, 2008, 09:19 AM
I don't know what the hell I was thinking wile writing this, but in my last paragraph I wanted to say "That's the way I'll die".
Holy Diver
Aug 14th, 2008, 10:25 AM
Could Dexter bring Alejandro's corpse from Heroes to the train tracks to make her demise that much more fun? Pretty much the second those two were introduced I knew the second season was going to be a lot of suck. And it was! Yay! Now, I know, they had to turn a mid point episode into a finale but still....it really sucked. The best parts, as always, were Hiro. Ooh, and right after Bennett shoots Nathan Dexter should shoot Peter in the head with a hollow point bullet, no coming back from that.

He needs to kill off The Wiggles. Maybe switch that pirates sword with a real one so that when he tickles them he slices them up. Hey, I'm a Kindergarten teacher, these things become common knowledge.

Skating With Celebrities
, just for their replacement of Arrested Development, just have the ice break while they're all skating or something. In fact, while we're at it let's throw all the cast members current and former of reality television shows down the hole while we're at it. Even The Surreal Life so that we'll never have to hear about Flavor of Love or I Love New York or any of the crap that came from it.

He should visit the house in Step By Step and one by one just push them all down the steps.

Anything on MTV after Singled Out and Loveline went off the air, not that they were great shows but that was about the end of any quality programming on MTV (The Maxx and The Head anyone?

Oh, and the mother fucking Neutrino's from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Of all the stupid characters thrown in to make a toy line I hated them the most.
What Video Games?
Aug 14th, 2008, 12:13 PM
Predictable, but toally rad (and something any self-respecting person watching tv for 20-some years would want to choose to kill). Proto, it's like your "hit list" articles are the new "Things That Must Be Destroyed". Good times.

And they really have a show based on the Cavemen!? That made me laugh.
after enough bourbon ...
Aug 14th, 2008, 01:14 PM
Great premise for an article, Proto.

Friends demise should also include Dexter showing them how "Friendly" they are in prison first. My GOD how I hate that show.

Trivia - Alan (John Cryer, playing Charlie Sheen's doofus brother on 2½ men) got his start as a child actor playing opposite Molly Ringwald in "Pretty in Pink" . I believe his character was named "Ducky". Just another reason why he must die.

Other suggestions? How about Kirk "you're all going to HELL" Cameron from "Growing Pains"? Dexter could pour hot flaming oil all over his ass.
Serial Loiterer
Aug 14th, 2008, 01:19 PM
What if Dexter Morgan visited Six Feet Under and tried to kill David Fischer? Now that would be very trippy indeed.

Oh, and Dexter should definately kill Orko from Masters of the Universe. Orko's so lame.
Forum Virgin
Aug 14th, 2008, 02:01 PM
Come on, seriously, the Simpsons? Yes, they should have been stopped seasons ago, but they don't deserve to be utterly terminated.
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Aug 14th, 2008, 02:08 PM
Yes Alan Cryer was Duckie from Pretty in Pink. Needless to say, he likes to play in roles that require a lot of whining.

As for the show Cavemen it was cancelled after 6 episodes, which showed that the world may still have a soul left.
Forum Virgin
Aug 14th, 2008, 02:45 PM
McFly's idea to have Dexter massacre MTV reality "stars" is a great one. Imagine a show based on that premise... it'd be a license to print money!
Member
Aug 14th, 2008, 02:53 PM
honestly, I liked home improvement, it was better then fucking 'everybody loved raymond' my mother loved that show but I thought it sucked badly, I so wanted to kill raymond and the mother in law at least, (actually the only one I would have spared was the father, and maybe the brother) and family matters as ok, I liked steve cause sterotype or not in the end (yes I did see the final episodes) he got the girl, not bad for a dated nerd if you ask me
Jason's a Furry! Run!
Aug 14th, 2008, 03:30 PM
Being a diehard Simpsons fanboy who was raised on the show, I really don't want to agree on that choice. I'm trying very hard to disagree. But considering the state of the show at this point, even I'm getting to the point where I need to throw in the towel (just one laugh an episode sometimes). But I consider it more a mercy killing at this point, and don't think they deserve the more outlandish methods outlines up there.
skank pronger
Aug 14th, 2008, 05:23 PM
I can't believe nobody mentioned Will & Grace! The whole cast needs to be wiped out.
Bustin makes me feel good
Aug 14th, 2008, 05:49 PM
Alan Cryer? I thought it was Jon Cryer.
Bustin makes me feel good
Aug 14th, 2008, 05:51 PM
But, more importantly:

Where is the new "Tales from the Longbox," Proto?
The Goddamned Batman
Aug 14th, 2008, 05:56 PM
I am actually working on it now. It'll be up sometime next week.

And yes, Aries, I agree about Will and Grace. The five minutes of one episode I saw was enough to make me want to rip my own head off.
sailin the seas o cheese
Aug 14th, 2008, 07:08 PM
so dexter is like the boondock saints
Clap if you love Dynamo
Aug 14th, 2008, 07:28 PM
I can think of quite a laundry list of characters I am surprised you didn't list such as....

Balki Bartokomous on Perfect Strangers
The entire cast of Growing Pains
The entire cast of Family Ties except Alex Keaton
The entire cast of Family ties INCLUDING Alex Keaton
Gloria Bunker/Stivic of All in the Family
Snarf from Thundercats

I could go on but my hands would hurt from the endless typng :P
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Aug 14th, 2008, 11:44 PM
John Cryer, my bad...
Member
Aug 15th, 2008, 12:13 AM
Seifeld. Yes, even Kramer. I'm sorry, but the show's premise literally is *nothing* and when a show runs for, what, nine seasons? Something like that, and I've only ever seen four episodes because they're the same ones they run over and over and over again, it ceases to be funny.

Oh yes, and Survivor. Pretty much copy the whole "American Idol" thing and that's my solution.

I can agree with most of the rest of the list, although maybe not Urkel. Sure, he had that voice, but that was part of what made him endearing. Unlike Ray Romano. My father always disliked that show because he and his wife were always fighting about something. Got on his nerves.
Fake Shemp
Aug 15th, 2008, 01:15 AM
God - I am so happy that - with the exception of the first 10 seasons of The Simpsons - I've never watched any of these shows. Ever.

Unfortunately - other than that one free Showtime weekend - I've never seen much of Dexter either yeah, I know, they ran it on network TV. A cable show about a serial killer on network TV? no thanks.
Sympathizes with the foo'
Aug 15th, 2008, 01:27 AM
Call me crazy, but like Dex's traditional modus operandi: strap the bastards to a table and dismember 'em with a power saw.

And after Saget is done violating the corpses of the Olsen twins, go ahead and put him on the slab, too; anyone who could ruin a perfectly good nut-shot with that stupid falsetto voice is just ASKING to be cut into pieces.
Dirty Birdy
Aug 15th, 2008, 02:36 AM
I laughed out loud at the thought of Danny Tanner alone in a house full of corpses.

"Normal people are so hostile."
Doctor Caliente
Aug 15th, 2008, 03:09 PM
My Thoughts:

Home Improvement: I actually kind of liked this one. I enjoy the obvious "male stupidity" because it reminds me a bit of myself.

Friends: Again, I liked this one. Two reasons: Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston = hot; Joey and Chandler = Male Stupidity. See above.

Simpsons: I could go off on this for days. Jumped the shark LOOOOONG ago. And don't all you fan-boys get your panties in a wad over it, because it's the truth. Those of us who grew up with the "REAL" Simpsons know what were talking about. Amen Proto!

Family Matters: Urkel was quite possibly the first sitcom character I ever wanted to kill.

Full House: So bad for so long. Stamos... ugh.

Cavemen: Thankfully canceled before I had a chance to sit down in a pool of gasoline with a lighter...

Two and 1/2 Men: I find this one mildly entertaining. I haven't seen it enough to hate it I suppose.

American Idol: ...A-W-F-U-L...

Everybody Loves Raymond: Again, mildly entertaining. Probably due to the "Male stupidity factor" again.

Heroes: Another "fan-boy" show I don't get. I tried desperately to see what all the hoopla was about this show and can't understand it. It's a slightly more serious version of Greatest American Hero for the most part.
Forum Virgin
Aug 15th, 2008, 11:00 PM
Meh, I'm not sure exactly why Simpsons should be killed. Yes of course, they have gone down a little although every once in a while they'll have a funny new episode. I'm not sure if they deserve to die, but hey, that's just my opinion.

Everyone else I think should be utterly dismembered and annihilated from the face of the Earth. Especially those Cavemen. Good God...
Forum Virgin
Aug 16th, 2008, 04:32 AM
all I have to say is, everything on the disney chanel
Member
Aug 16th, 2008, 04:32 AM
There's this Canadian teen drama my sister likes to watch that just makes me want to vomit. Degrassi, or something like that. In fact, pretty much everything my sister watches should be terminated. Gilmore Girls, Seventh Heaven, all those live-action "teen" shows on Nick and Disney... Anything my sister enjoys makes a good starting point of "things to avoid".

Also add Smallville, coz it went severely off-tangent and basically doesn't relate to the comics at all. Pete Ross is black! Kids with weird powers from Kryptonite meteors! Brainiac is some kid! We only vaguely know anything about Superman! Eesh.
Forum Virgin
Aug 16th, 2008, 07:33 AM
Send Dexter after Will& Grace. That whole cast just needs to die in a horrible bloody disaster.
Official Punching Bag
Aug 16th, 2008, 09:20 AM
Dexter should go after Gossip Girl. But the worst he'd do to a non-murderer would be to ruin their reputations, or disfigure all the Gossip Girl characters horribly. Then he might kill them, for mercy.
What Video Games?
Aug 16th, 2008, 12:25 PM
I've never seen the whole hoopla over Heroes or Lost to be honest. It's almost like tv executives are just pulling stuff out of a hat and pushing it to the moon, right next to the video executives who pushed Assassin's Creed for no reason whatsoever.

But yeah, I'd love to see Dexter visit the Brady Bunch. Damn yuppies.
Forum Virgin
Aug 16th, 2008, 11:20 PM
I really loved the early Simpsons, and a few months back I tried to give it one last shot when I heard Homer's mom, Mona Simpson, was returning for the third and last time. After watching it, I can't believe how they screwed it up so much and I cried inside.
Forum Virgin
Aug 16th, 2008, 11:38 PM
I used to intern for a small TV station, and I had to write a bunch of ad copy for the fall season. I remember trying to write ads for some of them and thinking, "Good Lord, how am I supposed to make these shows sound good?"
MELTING WATCHES, GALA!
Aug 17th, 2008, 07:47 AM
Two words: FAMILY GUY.

THEY MUST BE DESTROYED.
Pickleman's Uncle
Aug 17th, 2008, 12:36 PM
More like
everybody
HATE
Raymond.

hahah
hahahahahahahaHAHAHA
HAHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHA
AAAAAAHA
A
AAAAAAAAAAA
HAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAW
Big Red Cat
Aug 17th, 2008, 06:25 PM
Man, Proto, first you trash on Boston and Kansas, now this?

You wouldn't be trying to alienate your readers, would you?

"Next week, worst video games ever:
Halo
Final Fantasy VII
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Madden
Half-Life
Super Mario Brothers 3
And so on..."

Some of it's decent, some of it's crap, but I think you've got a heavy case of the I-hate-them-because-other-people-like(d)-thems.
Turrican't. :(
Aug 18th, 2008, 12:30 AM
"LOL, I GOT A GREAT IDEA FOR CONTENT!I'M GOING TO MAKE AN ARTICLE ABOUT HOW A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM AN OVERRATED SHOW I FAP TO KILLS OFF SHOWS THAT ARE ANCIENT AND ARE NOT CARED ABOUT ANYMORE BY THE GENERAL PUBLIC!"

"Dude, that's like bad fanfiction."

"BUT THERE'S NO SEX."

"OK, get on that."

Welcome to I-Mockery, where the content light is always green.
The Goddamned Batman
Aug 18th, 2008, 12:22 PM
Welcome to Kitsunexus's posts, where he's always an idiot.

And Roggs, which one of those characters do you disagree with me wanting to kill off? I seriously can't even imagine which one of them is remotely defendable.
Sympathizes with the foo'
Aug 18th, 2008, 01:34 PM
Well, the Simpsons WERE defensible, but only about five seasons ago. But let's give him some credit, Proto: it does take some serious balls to paint Full House and Friends as the TV equivalents of Half-Life and Ocarina of Time.
Turrican't. :(
Aug 18th, 2008, 08:49 PM
Haha, Protoclown, how could you get our names mixed up? XD
pickled
Aug 19th, 2008, 05:57 PM
I've never watched any of those shows. Thank god.
Member
Aug 19th, 2008, 09:56 PM
I'd suggest Carlos Mencia, Scrappy Doo and the cast of Mad About You.
The Goddamned Batman
Aug 20th, 2008, 12:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitsunexus View Post
Haha, Protoclown, how could you get our names mixed up? XD
Oh man, I would have replied sooner, but I spent the last twenty four painful hours reeling from this brutal verbal assault.

(Note: the previous statement should be taken as irony, unless you are under the age of twelve as I assume you to be--in which case, grape job!)
Member
Aug 20th, 2008, 11:18 AM
I've had the good fortune of only seeing good TV shows, I seem to have a sharp douchebag detector that can sense even the smallest trace amounts of douchebagginess from one glance at a promo photo. Thats why I've not seen a single episode of Heroes or any of those other shows made past 1993, and only get exposed to the goods, usually on DVD at someone elses place (like The Prisoner, South Park etc). I am refusing to watch Dexter simply because the of alarming amount of douchebags I hear talking about it. "dude that show is so sick, its like, he's a serial killer" "i love that show dexter, he kills people" "my WU-IFE loooves Dexter, its about a serial killer but he only KILLS BAD PEOPLE!" "well I like Dexter, he cuts people up and kills them!"
Member
Aug 23rd, 2008, 05:46 PM
Takes one to know one I guess.

I keed I keed. I haven't ever watched Dexter or Heroes or Lost or 24 or whatever is popular these days, not because I'm an elitist snob but rather because I don't really like watching tv these days.
Sympathizes with the foo'
Aug 31st, 2008, 12:23 AM
I understand where you're coming from, testtube: I only got into Dexter because I watched it before there was any real hype over it. Had the raving nerds gotten to me first, I'd have never given it a chance. They're the main reason why I don't watch Lost, Heroes, or anything written by Joss Whedon; their painful enthusiasm makes anything seem unappealing.
Valkyr Addict
Sep 16th, 2008, 01:38 AM
i actually like some of these shows and still find this article amusing.
Forum Virgin
Oct 18th, 2008, 09:06 PM
Sort of bumping an old blog post, but I'd like Dexter to come in and kill Dr. Wilson from House MD. He should have left for good.

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