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Emu · #1

http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher1.html

Quote:

Protecting The Merchandise

Some people like to say "Another day, another dollar." Being in Japan, I'd like to say "Another day, another yen". Unfortunately, my version goes something like "Another day, another game of dodgedick."

This particular day, it was the same boy who'd once clapped his hands together and said in English "please!" after I denied him an opportunity. Class ended, and he'd come up to the front to talk to me about something. I did for a while, and then when the conversation ended...he started trying to lunge for my stuff. Complete with "ching!" sound effects accompanying every attempt.

Emu · #2

http://outpostnine.com/editorials/owl.html - This one made me choke

Johnny Couth · #3

Quote:

I was walking home one day, and I turned a corner to see a few of the bastard ninensei boys from the ghetto school, including the worst boy. They had sticks and it looks like they were beating random insects to death in the shrubbery near the park. I considered taking a different route home, but if I did, I'd basically be giving in to a group of 14-year old punk Japanese kids, so I forged straight ahead.

They noticed me, and actually addressed me by my real name this time (as opposed to Bob Sapp (don't ask), Will Smith, Eddie Murphy, or whatever other black person they happened to be thinking of at the time). So I acknowledged them. They came over, and said "You have a girlfriend, right?" At the time I did, so I said yes.

The worst boy then puts his hand on my shoulder, and in all seriousness hits me with this - "Now, you can't just fuck her (he said fuck in English). You have to romance her too. Buy her flowers, take her out to dinner, that kind of nonsense. Girls like that crap. Fucking (again, in English) is nice, but if that's all you do, she'll get bored and leave you."

He gave me an extra pat on the shoulder for good measure, then went back to the bug brutalization. I was left standing in the middle of the sidewalk absolutely stunned. I stood there for a good minute trying to regain my wits until I was finally able to walk again. As I walked away, the boy called out behind me "Remember! Don't just fuck her!"

Maybe I should call him Rico Suave.

http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher12.html