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  #1  
Hugh_Bristic Hugh_Bristic is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 10:20 AM        Breakup Kit
- sad music
- a pair of running shoes
- 1 Mormon friend
- breakfast tacos

The list is short so far but bound to grow if healthy resolve doesn't pan out...

*Also, don't be douches and talk about rope, mace, shovels, nooses, rape kits or the like. You sick fuckers. I'm reaching out.
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  #2  
kahljorn kahljorn is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 02:01 PM       
I would add peace and understanding to that list
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  #3  
pac-man pac-man is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 02:05 PM       
pot.

EDIT: and beer.
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  #4  
MetalMilitia MetalMilitia is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 02:15 PM       
A Facebook account so you can change your relationship status to "single".
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japan
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  #5  
executioneer executioneer is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 05:07 PM       
would saying "voodoo doll" be taking things too far
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  #6  
Hugh_Bristic Hugh_Bristic is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 05:24 PM       
You're still in good standing, executioneer - but I got my one good eye on you!

As for the rest of you: I don't have a Facebook because I'm a grown ass woman; pot is not an option due to an impending drug test within a month and beer drinking requires too much energy. Peace and understanding is down the road - but for now, I'm okay with wanting to throw her off a roof or tickle her so much her tears of laughter turn into tears of pain and sorrow.

And... thanks for being relatively normal, guys. It's unexpected and very much appreciated.
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  #7  
Perndog Perndog is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 05:54 PM       
I-Mockery message boards to make fun of the situation in a depraved and/or cynical manner.
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  #8  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 05:59 PM       
Change the lock.
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  #9  
10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 07:07 PM       
Go with the tickle torture. A pet helps out a lot too, just not a fish.
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  #10  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 07:12 PM       
I propose that after this post, anyone who posts anything from 50 ways to leave your lover be infracted.
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  #11  
Hugh_Bristic Hugh_Bristic is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 09:36 PM       
Tadao, I'm pretty sure you're the death of any discussion or helpful thinking. (No offense. [I'd put a winky face if I knew how, to take the edge off.])

I've decided I'm going to train for a marathon. Any marathon. I don't care. I just know I'd rather puke from bein' up at the gym just workin' on my fitness than being sad.

Also, in a few months, when I'm ready again, please send your lady friends to Texas so I can buy them icecream and wash their hair for them.
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  #12  
10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 09:39 PM       
I think there is a dog the bounty hunter marathon on tonight Hugh. That's a start.
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  #13  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Dec 19th, 2008, 09:49 PM       
Wait, I thought this was a request on how you can break up with someone, not what to do after the breakup.
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  #14  
pac-man pac-man is offline
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 12:23 AM       
Okay, no pot, no beer...


How about a boys night out? You don't have to get wasted, but it's always good to try and have some fun despite feeling like you just got kicked in the junk.
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  #15  
Pub Lover Pub Lover is offline
Näyttelijäbotti!
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 12:25 AM       
Hugh is a sexy lady.

and a lesbo?
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  #16  
pac-man pac-man is offline
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 12:27 AM       
And a Texan, apparently
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  #17  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 12:32 AM       
A Sexton.
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  #18  
pac-man pac-man is offline
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 12:34 AM       
Is that a sexy Texan?
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  #19  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 12:38 AM       
Some would say yes... others no.
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  #20  
pac-man pac-man is offline
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 12:39 AM       
Hmmm..... :scratchchin
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  #21  
Neen Neen is offline
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 01:36 AM       
What's a Mormon
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  #22  
pac-man pac-man is offline
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 02:40 AM       
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  #23  
Perndog Perndog is offline
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 06:20 PM       
I met a really slutty Mormon girl once. She said it was ok because she only made out and gave handjobs. Of course then she started screwing random guys two months after I met her, so that obviously failed.

Beware slippery slopes!
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  #24  
sspadowsky sspadowsky is offline
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 07:37 PM       
Hugh, when did you switch teams?
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  #25  
Hugh_Bristic Hugh_Bristic is offline
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Old Dec 21st, 2008, 04:08 PM       
A while back, man. It was going pretty effin' well until I made two major mistakes: I fell too deeply for a 19-year-old who... wait for it... decided, quite unexpectedly, she wasn't gay but confused and said "I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be gay." So, it hurts (a lot) but I'm trying to be understanding 'n shit. I still hold out hope for Natalie Portman, Elizabeth Hurley, Penelope Cruz and Monica Bellucci to convert...
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