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  #1  
Sacks Sacks is offline
The Wrong Melon Farmer
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Old Jan 5th, 2009, 10:13 PM        The Mystery Of Romance: The Plight of Jonathan Clement
Jonathan Clement: Cause I'm bored and lonely and need to make love to a kind, beautiful woman!
SacksFromTheDead: no you don't, man
SacksFromTheDead: what the hell
Jonathan Clement: Yes, I do!
SacksFromTheDead: You don't know anything about women or making love
Jonathan Clement: Of course I do!
Jonathan Clement: Anyway, enough of the stupid font.
SacksFromTheDead: You only know what you read in your japanese backwards books
Jonathan Clement: That's not true!
SacksFromTheDead: Have you ever seen a girl naked that wasn't on the computer or related to you in some way
Jonathan Clement: No.
SacksFromTheDead: Then consider yourself lucky
SacksFromTheDead: and get out while you still can
Jonathan Clement: What do you mean?
SacksFromTheDead: Women are terrible
SacksFromTheDead: especially at your age
Jonathan Clement: I know.
SacksFromTheDead: So don't bother
Jonathan Clement: God, I can't tell you how much that pains me.
Jonathan Clement: But I want to find one who's different!
SacksFromTheDead: Well good luck in outer space, kid
Jonathan Clement: Well, that's not going to stop me from looking.
Jonathan Clement: And it makes me sad that I'll probably never experience the romance that I wanted.
SacksFromTheDead: Well that's what you get for watching Fruit's Basket
Jonathan Clement: Actually, I've never seen fruits basket...
SacksFromTheDead: Don't lie to me
Jonathan Clement: Honestly, I haven't!
Jonathan Clement: But no, I blame the fucking Conservatives for lying to me about this "family values" horseshit in the first place.
Jonathan Clement: I still have vestiges from that time.
Jonathan Clement: It's the Christians fault for making me want it in the first place!
Jonathan Clement: Seriously, my life just feels so empty and meaningless...
SacksFromTheDead: Maybe you should exercise and get a job
Jonathan Clement: And that my goal... The thing I've been chasing after these last 6 or 7 is permanantly out of my reach.
SacksFromTheDead: having a job and exercising?
Jonathan Clement: No, having a nice girlfriend who I love.
SacksFromTheDead: What have you done to get that
SacksFromTheDead: Aside from absolutely nothing and masturbating
Jonathan Clement: No, that's not it! The thing is is that it's starting to appear as if what I want doesn't even exist!
Jonathan Clement: It's like finding out heaven isn't real!
SacksFromTheDead: Maybe you should stop crying about it on the internet
SacksFromTheDead: AND GO GET A JOB
SacksFromTheDead: AND WORK OUT
Jonathan Clement: I suppose that wouldn't be a bad idea, but I don't really see how it could help my situation.
SacksFromTheDead: Why would a girl want to date a sloppy jobless 19 year old aspie
SacksFromTheDead: The chances skyrocket when a money making in shape aspie is involved
Jonathan Clement: I'm saying that the kind of girl I want... Infact, the feeling itself is non-existant.
Jonathan Clement: See, that's what I mean! I don't want someone who's after my money!
SacksFromTheDead: So your idea is to be fat and have no money
SacksFromTheDead: and a girl will want to be with you
SacksFromTheDead: Pretty revolutionary stuff
Jonathan Clement: I can see not being fat.
Jonathan Clement: And I don't think having a job is a bad thing, either.
SacksFromTheDead: It shows responsibility
Jonathan Clement: I just want someone who can see what's on the inside! Who can understand the beauty that only I can see!
SacksFromTheDead: and it also says "Hey we can go do shit and you don't have to pay for it"
Jonathan Clement: And someone who's not gonna think I'm worthless if the money turns worthless.
SacksFromTheDead: Well after you have sex with someone that is all going to go out the window until you're 35
SacksFromTheDead: and when you're 35 and your peers have figured their shit out
SacksFromTheDead: you don't want to be fat and homeless without a car
SacksFromTheDead: so get in shape and get a job
Jonathan Clement: It's not that I don't want to work OR that I mind parting the the money. It's that I want to know that the feeling is genuine.
SacksFromTheDead: And get a hobby that isn't the internet, video games, or anime
SacksFromTheDead: Well you can never know that ever
SacksFromTheDead: Because you can't read minds
SacksFromTheDead: and even if it is happening there will be times when you won't believe it because you're an idiot
Jonathan Clement: I know... And that's what pains me so much.
SacksFromTheDead: and you're going to fuck everything up several times
SacksFromTheDead: So suck it up
SacksFromTheDead: and go get in shape and get a job
SacksFromTheDead: and learn how to play the bass guitar
Jonathan Clement: But it's like my world has been shattered!
SacksFromTheDead: Alright Jazzy
SacksFromTheDead: Go back to #footpaws
Jonathan Clement: That my life is meaningless and without purpose! You see, before, I could always just count of "God" to make sure that I had a wife who loved me!
SacksFromTheDead: So what you're saying is
SacksFromTheDead: You're a fat loaf who doesn't want to work for anything
SacksFromTheDead: and now that your precious God isn't around to do everything for you
SacksFromTheDead: You're a quitter
SacksFromTheDead: Well that's really attractive
Jonathan Clement: But now, after seeing what human nature is really like, I'm not sure if Romance is even worth persuing.
SacksFromTheDead: If I was a woman
SacksFromTheDead: I'd want to be involved with that
SacksFromTheDead: I'd want to hear you blubber about it all day long
Jonathan Clement: I know.
SacksFromTheDead: While we sit in your room at your parent's house playing video games
SacksFromTheDead: Because you don't have a job or a car to take me out places
Jonathan Clement: I never said I wouldn't get a job!
SacksFromTheDead: Well go get one
SacksFromTheDead: and get a gym membership
SacksFromTheDead: and shut the hell up
SacksFromTheDead: Because no one wants to be around a pussy
SacksFromTheDead: Not even God





Does anyone else get random IMs from this kid?
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  #2  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Jan 5th, 2009, 10:23 PM       
Please tell me this is from last year.
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  #3  
Dixie Dixie is offline
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Old Jan 5th, 2009, 10:25 PM       
Man I wish he'd come back. I miss the entertainment.
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  #4  
10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
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Old Jan 5th, 2009, 10:25 PM       
Jonathan Clement: See, that's what I mean! I don't want someone who's after my money!


...................

Good luck
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  #5  
Sacks Sacks is offline
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Old Jan 5th, 2009, 10:27 PM       
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Originally Posted by Tadao View Post
Please tell me this is from last year.

20 minutes ago.
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  #6  
Sam Sam is offline
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Old Jan 5th, 2009, 11:30 PM       
NICE FANFICTION SACKS
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  #7  
MetalMilitia MetalMilitia is offline
Hitler's Canoe!
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Old Jan 5th, 2009, 11:35 PM       
Quote:
Jonathan Clement: No, having a nice girlfriend who I love.
SacksFromTheDead: What have you done to get that
SacksFromTheDead: Aside from absolutely nothing and masturbating


This convo was the best thing posted on here in ages. I wish some more people like Clement would sign up - the type of people that don't realise how ridiculous they are.
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japan
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  #8  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Jan 5th, 2009, 11:58 PM       
They are here, they are just hiding in the front forums. Rog built a playpen for them.
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  #9  
Chojin Chojin is offline
was never good
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Old Jan 6th, 2009, 07:40 AM       
Quote:
SacksFromTheDead: Maybe you should stop crying about it on the internet
SacksFromTheDead: AND GO GET A JOB
SacksFromTheDead: AND WORK OUT
Jonathan Clement: I suppose that wouldn't be a bad idea, but I don't really see how it could help my situation.
This is why aspies should be shot at birth. It's for their own good.
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  #10  
Big McLargehuge Big McLargehuge is offline
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Old Jan 6th, 2009, 06:13 PM       
Quote:
Jonathan Clement: It's the Christians fault for making me want it in the first place!
HAHAHA, I hate it when i believe everything i am told.
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  #11  
Perndog Perndog is offline
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Old Jan 6th, 2009, 06:34 PM       
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Originally Posted by Tadao View Post
They are here, they are just hiding in the front forums. Rog built a playpen for them.
Get back in your playpen then.
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  #12  
The Leader The Leader is offline
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Old Jan 6th, 2009, 06:50 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sacks View Post
Jonathan Clement: And that my goal... The thing I've been chasing after these last 6 or 7 is permanantly out of my reach.
SacksFromTheDead: having a job and exercising?
Jonathan Clement: No, having a nice girlfriend who I love.
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JUST DANCE!
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  #13  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Jan 6th, 2009, 07:02 PM       
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Originally Posted by Perndog View Post
Get back in your playpen then.
I would think that Satan would have provided you with more wit. Your poser is showing.
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  #14  
Perndog Perndog is offline
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Old Jan 6th, 2009, 08:11 PM       
Minions are more likely to do what they're told if it's put simply and directly.
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