My 'Set"

[mburbank]

The wife and I decided yesterday that we are going to become alchoholics, but of the classy variety. Champagne, Sherry, Port, witty urbane cutting conversation, Algonquin Round Table, Dashiel Hammet, The Fitzgeralds, that sort of thing.

It's going to cut into my time laying against the dumpster behind the seven eleven trying to get the oldets looking high school students to buy me Malt Liquor, but hell, you have to have goals.

[Buffalo Tom]

After sharing a libation, you could then run around solving crimes in the upper New York social circles, a la Nick and Nora Charles in 'The Thin Man' series.

[MrAdventure]

I don't want to hear anything other than healthy, nervous laughter and statements confined to a nature of marital reassurance.

Make sure you put some emphasis on the dramatic sipping, swirl the contents of your glass, and make a few more promises than normal.

[mburbank]

You guys totally get the picture.

For those of you who saw my comedy show, we once did a sketch set in the late 1920's about a rich alcholholic couple who do a daily live radio broadcast over breakfast from their penthouse overlooking central park. (I was the husband, Chistin Fistissibilt) They start out violently hungover yet urbane and as they work through liquid breakfast become more and more inebriatted. Scott played a crooner they had on the show who sang a number called "Depression Blues" (well they're not here to stay) which featured lines like

"Who has time for deadlines
Standin' in the Breadlines"

Around the time my characters vocie has bcome slurred to the point where you can't understand it at all, Happy spoon bursts in as a robin hood type bandit, ends up killing me and now wealthy abandons his cause of fighting for the poor and goes out on the town with my widow.

[MrAdventure]

MAX BURBANK WHO?

CAN'T SAY I'VE SEEN HIS SHOWS, NOPE.

I'LL HAVE TO SOCCER MOM MY WAY TO THE EAST COST ONE OF THESE DAYS.

[Protoclown]

HAPPY SPOON

[mburbank]

Unfortunately, my group "The Other White Meats" shows are very sporadic and in fact we never know if there will be another. A Number of I-mockery show got to see a hastily assembled underrehearsed program in NYC last year. Far more likely are chances to see things I've directed (not always my kind o' humor) and/or things I've written. I always keep folks posted.

Unfortunately, regular performances of this kind of comedy require a dedication that is characterized by a lack of employment, spouses, children, mortgages, etc.

[kellychaos]

Originally Posted by mburbank

It's going to cut into my time laying against the dumpster behind the seven eleven trying to get the oldets looking high school students to buy me Malt Liquor, but hell, you have to have goals.

Well, that certainly explains how Sam Spade always had a pint of whiskey in his desk drawer when he seldom had cases but it fails to explain how he was able to be attractive to the ladies in a raincoat popular at soup kitchens with newspaper stuffed in the shoes.

[george]

i have come to the conclusion that KellyChaos is not my kind of person.

[mburbank]

Hell, I'd do Humphrey Bogart and I'm hardly gay at all.

[kellychaos]

Originally Posted by george

i have come to the conclusion that KellyChaos is not my kind of person.

And I was SO looking forward to your approval

[george]

HA HA HA, that makes it even sweeter that you wont get it!!

LOSER!!!

[FS]

But who could dislike a person with such a jaunty tagline as "In cyberspace ... no one can hear you scream."?

[glowbelly]

ooOOOoooh oooOOOooh!! ME ME!!!

[kellychaos]

Originally Posted by glowbelly

ooOOOoooh oooOOOooh!! ME ME!!!

Don't let them influence you. After all, FS has pitched a tent in his pants so tall and rigid that he felt the need to quote my tagline. I think that he has a secret crush on me.

[glowbelly]

this isn't kindergarten, sweety. when someone makes fun of you here, it's not because they wanna marry you out on the playground later. it's because they don't like you.

just a tip.

[MrAdventure]

DOESN'T KELLYCHAOS HAVE A PENIS?

LOL I MEAN, MIGHT IT BE POSSIBLE, PRAYTELL, THAT KELLYCHAOS PERCHANCE HAVETH A WEE WEE BY THE GODS?

[FS]

Originally Posted by glowbelly

this isn't kindergarten, sweety. when someone makes fun of you here, it's not because they wanna marry you out on the playground later. it's because they don't like you.

just a tip.

...now now, let's not be hasty. I'd be more than willing to tear out her intestines while screaming obscenities in her face if it'd make her feel like I adore her.

[george]

and watching you do it WOULD give me a hard on.

[Ninjavenom]

...now now, let's not be hasty. I'd be more than willing to tear out her intestines while screaming obscenities in her face if it'd make her feel like I adore her.

[FS]

:helm

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by FS

But who could dislike a person with such a jaunty tagline as "In cyberspace ... no one can hear you scream."?

IN CYBERSPACE ... NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU LOL

[mburbank]

I'm sorry, your alll going to have to be a bit more drunk and a whole lot more erudite to be in my set. I'm looking for bitting yet witty banter that can be maintained up to the point of near death by alchohol poisoning, but it should only show in that you squint more as the day goes on.

[FS]

I DON'T NEED YOU TO. I don't. I don't need you to shtell me whatza do. borbink. whahhh. fwehhhh haw waww gweh yeh. hawwww.

*thump*

[mburbank]

That made me laugh, but it's not the sort of thing that will 'go' in our set.

Here's a thought, though. I think William Burroughs and his 'set' started with goals similar to mine. It ended with him accidentally blowing his wifes brain out followed by years of heroin addiction and homosexuality.


Hmmmmmm. Food for thought.