The Whiny Goth Kids Page
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w.gif (771 bytes)elcome mortals. You have reached The Whiny Goth Kids Page. Here you will learn the true horrors of life. You will learn why there is no hope, only pain. You will learn how to deal with the immense displeasure of living by being a Whiny Goth Kid. I am Skared, of the eighteenth lair sub-hell vortex from the Malkavian castle of corpses. I will be your teacher on how to become so perfectly goth that you'll be asked to appear on the Ricki Lake show for a makeover because your siblings are too embarrassed to appear with you in THEIR world.

f.gif (868 bytes)irst off, we need anything light to be burned. This is the first sacrifice to the gods of goth. It is your offering to them and in exchange for it, they will grant you the ability to wear the most unholy of all colors: BLACK. From this point on everything you come in contact with must be black. The sun is no more. Your hair must be dyed black immediately. You must purchase black clothes, boots, wallets, makeup, food, soap, toothbrushes, etc. Everything must be black to be accepted into our legion of sadness. So make sure ALL of your white/light articles are burned, for they are part of the mortal world of glee and you are on your way to becoming one with death.

n.gif (794 bytes)ext, we need you to start participating in various "kinky" goth activities. You need to have your body pierced AT LEAST 50 times. At least HALF of these piercings should be on your genitalia because it will "heighten" your sexual experiences, we guarantee it. Remember, Pain is Pleasure in our world. Once you have been pierced enough, you need to find yourself a lost soul who can complete the final conversion into gothdom.

t.gif (826 bytes)his soul can be found at most "industrial" shows or involved in role-playing games or even at the mall. Ask to see their teeth, and if you notice that their "Thirds" have come in, then they can convert you. If you are unfamiliar with goth terminology such as "Thirds" I will explain. Thirds are the front fangs that we creatures of the night posses. We draw blood with them and convert people to become one of our own with these. (If you wish to learn more of this terminology, I suggest picking up some Anne Rice books). Anyway, tell this lost soul that you lust for their flesh (and blood) and that you want to be one of them. They will then take you into a dark alley and draw blood with their thirds from your neck. You are now a creature of the night. You are now required to recruit more people into our world or you shall be banished and eventually killed with a stake through your black heart.

w.gif (771 bytes)ell I hope this has been a good explanation of how to become A Whiny Goth Kid. If you have any questions regarding this, feel free to email me your deepest, darkest, saddest, hopeless thoughts. Now, atop this page I present you with some more areas to help you study the life of a Whiny Goth Kid. So go to the top menu and make your selection and begin your journey into darkness...

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despair via dyed-black hair