Halloween

The Halloween Grab Bag!
Random Cheap-Ass Purchases Made During The 2010 Halloween Season!
by: -RoG-

With all the craziness that takes place during our annual "Two Months of Halloween" celebration here on I-Mockery, a lot of the smaller purchases I make during the season tend to slip through the cracks. I decided to help prevent that from happening this year by collecting some of my latest (and cheapest) finds and putting them into one article. After all, just because these Halloween novelties were all dirt cheap, doesn't mean they don't have redeeming qualities worth writing about. So let's take a look at some of my favorite random cheap-ass purchases from the 2010 Halloween Season!

Coffin Putty:

I've always loved the word "putty", so it should come as no surprise that I was more than willing to spend 99 cents a a two-pack of Coffin Putty. Sure, it may not make for a good windowpane sealant, but this putty comes in black and orange varieties and has a skeleton emtombed within it. If that's not worth 99 cents, I don't know what is.

The putty itself reeks of chemicals that can likely get you high and simultaneously cause an aneurysm, but it feels so amusingly odd, you can't help but play with it for a while. I felt it was my duty to free at least one of these skeletons, so I went with the orange one for the simple reason that I reminded me of all those bugs whose untimely demise was the result of falling into a blob of tree sap and being forever preserved for our viewing pleasure in shiny fossilized amber orbs at science museums nationwide. Yeah, that's how I roll.

Jason Voorhees Hanging Decor Pendant:

When you see a hanging Jason Voorhees torso on clearance for $3.00, you don't ask any questions, you just buy the thing quickly and hope nobody realizes it was a huge pricing error (which I'm sure it was, and if not, it should've been). Granted, this particular Jason Voorhees was missing a hand, and in its place, there was an exposed hook, but does that mean it should be reduced in price so drastically? Who cares. I bought it!

"Wait a minute, where did that hand come from!?" Yeah, I know that's what you're wondering. Well, it turns out that Jason was hanging right next to a Terminator: Salvation hanging decoration, and since it was a cyborg anyway, I figured it could do without one of those hands. So now Jason has a robotic right hand, and he couldn't look more shocked about it. And don't tell me the hand doesn't match him, because the cashier sure didn't seem to notice. Besides, if anybody asks about it, I'll just say it's a reference to Jason X anyway.

"Glow-In-The-Dark" Softsoap:

I can't even begin to tell you how excited I was when I saw this "glow-in-the-dark" Softsoap bottle of foaming hand soap. With the label right on the dispenser, it was clear to me that I was going to be washing my hands in the dark for about ten hours straight. I mean, seriously... how often do you get to make your hands glow and clean them at the same time? It seemed like the perfect new Halloween product, so I rushed to the bathroom to try it out.

My excitement about the chance of washing my hands with glow-in-the-dark liquids was immediately matched by the crushing disappoint of discovering that it was only the bottle that glowed. Granted, the bottle does glow quite nicely, but come on... Softsoap clearly knew they were suckering people into buying the bottles by not stating on the front that the soap itself didn't glow. To the people behind Softsoap: you need to remedy this. You have cheated we, the faithful followers of all things Halloween, by tricking us into thinking we could wash our hands with glow-in-the-dark soap. To make up for this, have your research department come up with a soap that actually glows. As Serpentor would say: This I command!

Lite Hanging Decoration:

When I'm in Halloween shops, if I see something that's on sale, it's hard for me to resist buying the item, even if I already own 20 of whatever it is. In this case, it was light-up hanging Grim Reaper decoration, reduced from $5.99 to a measly 99 cents. Sold.

I've always liked how Death looks as it is, so I was more than happy to supply the On the back of the package, the text gives a strong warning that, "It is not a toy." It's plastic, it lights up and features the Grim Reaper... sounds like a toy to me.

At first, I thought the thing was broke, because the connectors for it were actually rusted (impressive considering it was sealed in the package when I bought it) and the battery pack wasn't glued to the figure properly. I walked away for a minute, and when I came back, it started flashing on & off. Turns out, the light just needed a little time to warm up before it started flashing, and I think he looks pretty good. Just gotta find some superglue to reattach the battery pack to him with.

Overstuffed Severed Head:

Even the cashier lady had to do a price check on this thing. It's a big, life-sized severed head of some guy who appears to have had a bad encounter with lava Twizzlers or somtehing along those lines. What amazed me is that it was in a clearance bin for only $3.00 and nobody had grabbed it yet. Perhaps this is why:

The original stuffing from this head apparently fell out, so they just tore up some large pieces of foam and shoved it inside the head so it would keep its form. It worked, but it doesn't make the head look any less ridiculous. I mean, you're not gonna shriek when you see a hanging severed head with Tempur-Pedic memory foam dangling out of the bottom instead of grisly sinews. Kind of reduces the horror effect.

Still, even if it doesn't scare people, I'll always love my Tempur-Pedic Twizzler Attack Victim Head™.

Flashing Skeleton:

Granted, it should be called a "Flashing Skull" since the rest of the skeleton is nowhere to be found, but this thing actually turned out to be a pretty good find for 3 bux. Gotta love how they basically stole the flaming skull & crossbones artwork from Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm also still trying to decide whether the "Horrobal Sound" text on the package is another bad case of Engrish or just a play on words (horrible --> horrorball) that they still managed to fuck up. Either way, you can go ahead and add "horrobal" to your Halloween lexicon, which should already contain the likes of "can seesaw the booy" and "will bring danger for them probably."

When you press your finger onto the back of the skull the green eyes on this thing light up like crazy and it plays an extremely loud "horrobal" death toll sound along with some tortured guy yelling in agony. If you're in the market for handheld novelty glowing skulls, this is clearly a good place to start. A horrobaly good place to start.

Blinky Glow Lite:

This one actually stopped me in my tracks, and I would hope any of you would react the same way. Everything about this Blinky Glow Lite - from the simplistic, non-flashy packaging to the big rounded skull itself - screams of vintage Halloween keepsakes. At $7.00, it's the priciest item I've shared with you today, but it's still a hell of a deal in my book. Upon closer inspection, I found out that they stopped making these in 1999, so it's actually quite lucky to find it. Even the cashier at the Halloween shop remarked that it looked old. I guess it was just some old stock they found lying around in their warehouse.

I'd also like to point out that while it's called a "Blinky Glow Lite", the green "Electric Frite Lite" label mentions in smaller text that it's a "Non-Blinking Window Light". That right, the brand is called "Blinking" but the light doesn't actually blink.

At this point, I'm not sure if it's possible for me to love this thing any more than I already do.

The artwork on the back of the packaging is absolutely fantastic in all its two-tone glory. Just look at that happy pumpkin, gleefully hanging by a suction cup from a living room window and illuminating the night for wandering trick-or-treaters. Even the description shows just how welcoming it is: "Glowlite is a friendly sign of the Halloween season." Indeed it is. I did some hunting and found out that there is a Jack-O-Lantern Glow Lite too, so I have every intention of procuring one in the near future. But back to our new friend, the skull:

Dear god, this blown-mold skull is friggin' beautiful! I love the pronounced cheekbones and the cracks on his head, but the real selling point to me are the teeth. It's as if he's gritting his teeth, not out of anger, but to tell the world, "Yeah, my teeth ain't perfect... SO WHAT???" Easily the best seven bux I've spent so far this season and I look forward to reuniting Mister Toothy Skull with his Happy Jack-O counterpart.

And let this be a lesson to all of you, as you go out and scour the seasonal shops for some great Halloween items. The products they sell are almost always overpriced, but if you take the time to do some hunting around the darkest corners of these shops, you can find some great deals on Halloween novelties and decorations. Some purchases may disappoint you, while others will happily surprise you... but you'll never know until you take a chance.

IMPORTANT! Today, I'm giving you all some HALLOWEEN HOMEWORK. I want all of you to take $10 - $20 at most and go buy some cheap Halloween products that you wouldn't normally buy. Then report back to us here in the comments section below and share some photos of your finds along with your thoughts on them. I'll be sending out a special little Halloween goody bag to one lucky winner. All you have to do to be entered into the drawing is take a photo of at least one Halloween purchase and tell us a little bit about it. You have until the end of October 31st, 2010 to post your photos.

Happy Hallo-hunting!

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE READER COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!

 

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:


Death's Head Terror!

and


Beware The Toilet Monster!

Reader Comments

Kat Kat is offline
Breathes Comics
Oct 8th, 2010, 07:49 AM
I went to a thrift store the other day and really wanted to buy all the cheap, hideous halloween themed items they had.

I will... now that I have a mission.
Strange blob from beyond
Oct 8th, 2010, 09:51 AM
So $10-$20 is £6.40-£12.80. See you in a few days!
Commarade General
Oct 8th, 2010, 11:13 AM
10-20 bucks are abour 130-260 pesos. Which I don't have -sucks to finish college but not have a job.

But if I had them, I know exactly where in Mexico City you could buy all kins of Halloween Knicknacks -even old stuff, like the Blinky Glow Lite Skull- for dirt cheap prices.

And the liquid soap not glowing in the dark was a big let down. I'm pretty sure it is a feasable thing, albeit a non very cleaning solution.

-Commanderraf
Member
Oct 8th, 2010, 01:01 PM
I'll see what I can dig up. One of my local super markets really gets into the season.
Baron Von Snugglemittens
Oct 8th, 2010, 04:56 PM
Oh man, this is great. Just earlier this week I was at a little community silent auction, and they had a Halloween "mystery bag" (it was one of those garbage bags to see with a jack o lantern face on them.) 12.50 was the current bid, but damnit I wanted the mystery bag! I kept on bidding and by the end of the day I was the bags proud owner (as well as 16bucks poorer) the contents of the bag however more than made up for it.


I've seen these go for a buck in dollar stores, but i still like this little guy. He gives off sort of a "frozen in carbonite" vibe, and thatís good enough for me.


Again seen these in dollar stores. At this point I as feeling ripped off, but candy is candy, and I dig the packaging.


Now this was worth every penny I paid. This mask is big, beautiful, and doesnít have that overpowered plastic smell, so many other masks have.


And here we get a little sneak peek into dragon face's private life. Nothing he likes more than sitting down and watching horror movies with a big bucket of eyeballs.
Forum Virgin
Oct 8th, 2010, 07:17 PM
You can get one of the Jack-o-lantern "glow lites" on ebay pretty damn cheap!
pickled
Oct 9th, 2010, 06:12 AM
Those look like some mighty fine purchases, Rog.
Member
Oct 9th, 2010, 08:37 AM
Blood - Love how you managed to make the dragon mask look like "Why are you in my house? Go away before I eat you."
Is a RoboCop.
Oct 9th, 2010, 11:26 AM
Blood Panther, is dragon face your fursona?
Freelance Product Tester
Oct 9th, 2010, 06:04 PM
I was going to ask the same thing, Leader.

Also, the best thing ever would to go out trick-or-treating with the dragon head and claws, dressed in a Snuggie.
Forum Virgin
Oct 9th, 2010, 09:21 PM
Blinky light actually looks kind of like Death's Head Terror. They may be long-lost cousins.

And as for the glow soap, I actually have glowing soap. A friend of mine bought me some glow in the dark bubble bath from a 'fun' party a year or so ago, and it actually works, although it looks much cooler in blacklight.
Member
Oct 10th, 2010, 02:03 AM
I dig the smoking jacket Blood-Panther.
It's about time
Oct 12th, 2010, 06:17 PM
My grandparents have the Jack-O-Lantern Glow Lite, and I think it's equally as cool as the skull one. I'll have to go out tonight and see what cheap halloweeny stuff I can find.

Blood Panther: Did the gloves come with the mask, or did you already have them?
Baron Von Snugglemittens
Oct 12th, 2010, 07:11 PM
I already owned the gloves. got them a few years back. they're kind of skeletonish, but the color seems to match the mask perfectly.
Dr Tongue's 3D House
Oct 13th, 2010, 08:52 PM
Here are a few of my many purchases this evening.

What's for dinner?



Mmmm frozen brains....




And for Dessert?



That's right a Box of Boogers, the meal is completed with hot sauce, not spooky but I love hot sauce on everything.

I also thought this was kinda neat and cheap, skull on a pillow



Cheers all!
Member
Oct 14th, 2010, 01:58 PM
I dig the skull on a pillow.
Dr Tongue's 3D House
Oct 14th, 2010, 03:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadowdancer21b View Post
I dig the skull on a pillow.
I couldnt in all fairness leave the store without it, like it called out to me.
It's about time
Oct 19th, 2010, 09:06 PM
So it turns out I'm allergic to epoxy paint and have been out of commission for about a week now.
But since I've already bought the Halloween stuff I'll go ahead and post it.


This thing is actually a candle but I can't imagine ever melting down this kind of detail.


A fairly nice and brightly colored haunted house. When you push the lantern the eyes flash and a voice says "Come in... if you dare!".


I normally wouldn't buy something this sparkly, but that has to be the happiest Jack-O-Lantern I've ever seen. The light actually flickers too. Definitely worth the 2 bucks.


I have no idea what this is, aside from the Mummy with a mummified baseball bat. It was just sitting on the store shelf exactly like that, no package, no sticker.
The clerk just threw up her hands and sold it to me for a dollar.


This pushed me over the $10 dollar limit, but for $4 I think it was worth it. My best guess is it's supposed to be a haunted cave of some sort.
Skulls, a mummy, spiders, ghosts, treasure, this thing has got them all. But it's the inside that got me to buy it.


A scary old woman! Or maybe it's supposed to be Dracula? I don't know, but I had to own it.
It's a little hard to tell but the whole thing lights up real nice too.


The back of it is even done nicely as well. With the cave moss and the old lady/Dracula sticking out the back.

Not a bad collection of stuff for $14, eh? It was a ton of fun digging through the discount bin and searching the dark corners for the cheapest stuff I could find.


Pleasant dreams people.
Member
Oct 19th, 2010, 10:29 PM
I like the candle and the cave the most. That's totally Dracula by the way.
Baron Von Snugglemittens
Oct 20th, 2010, 02:17 AM
I dunno from the back he looked like harry potter.
Dead Fuck
Oct 22nd, 2010, 06:39 PM
This is the best I could do.
Baron Von Snugglemittens
Oct 22nd, 2010, 10:41 PM
wow thats awesome!


...I meant the stay puffed marshmallow man. the grim paper weight's kind of cool too.
Dead Fuck
Oct 23rd, 2010, 09:33 AM
The Stay Puffed is one of the best toys I have so far since I re-started my toy collection It's suppose to be a bank but I think it's too cool for that purpose.
Pickled Patriarch
Oct 23rd, 2010, 01:15 PM
Good stuff so far!

For the record, it's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Last time somebody called him "Puffed", he destroyed several city blocks in New York.
Baron Von Snugglemittens
Nov 4th, 2010, 11:52 PM
hate to ask....but is this still a thing?
Member
Nov 6th, 2010, 02:58 PM
I saw a gummy head! It was big as hell and at Wal-Mart.
Member
Nov 16th, 2010, 06:05 PM
the cheap shit I've seen this year is the coolest shit... glittering black, white, or red decorative skulls, fake black roses, spiderweb candle holders, cute lil' spider or pumpkin light strings... just a plethora of awesomeness for decorating your apartment - and most of it was at the dollar store.
aint nobody
Sep 5th, 2011, 06:07 PM
the burned head looks quite a bit like Freddy's skinned face from Nightmare 1

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