The Halloween Grab Bag!
Beware The Toilet Monster!
by: -RoG-

Remember Ghoulies? Of course you do! Even if you never saw any of the movies, you still remember the classic poster with one of the little demons popping up out of the toilet and a rectal joke for a tagline. And let's not forget that many have wondered if the name "Ghoulies" is actually a reference to "Goolies", the British slang term for testicles. Ah toilet humor...

Well, it looks as though one company decided to try and capitalize on the Ghoulies concept of having demons emerging from your favorite porcelain god, and I just happened to pick one up at my local Halloween seasonal shop. Behold:

Yes, the Toilet Monster is a Halloween novelty item in which you are apparently supposed to place this green rubber demon thing on your toilet in an attempt to scare somebody. Somebody like an old lady with rolling pins in her hair...

"Beware of the creature from the Crap Lagoon!" You know, Halloween novelty companies really should be more careful with what they put on their packaging, because this whole borrowing ideas thing goes both ways. Sure, they probably got their idea from the Ghoulies movie, but I could see that Crap Lagoon line could easily finding its way into some horrible horror movie in the future. It's novelty crap like this that results in movies such as Monsturd. Thank you, Toilet Monster.

The monster itself isn't much to write home about. It's about as terrifying as the average monster mask you'd find in the discount bin at your local dollar store. What is scary about it, however, is how the green coloring on this thing stains practically everything it touches. Even scarier, Big Mouth Toys (the company that produces this monstrosity) lists the Toilet Monster as one of their top sellers. Wow. And hey, it also comes in red, so if you buy both, you can have a good Christmas Toilet Monster theme going come December.

So the directions clearly indicate that you need to attach the toilet monster to the underside of the toilet seat. That right there is the first mistake they made... wait... no... the first mistake was that they actually produced these things, the second mistake is that they want you to actually attach it to the underside of the toilet seat. I don't care how regularly you clean your toilet, it's still gonna be dirty under there. Now I'm no mysophobe, but unless it's a plunger, if something touches the inside of my toilet, it's going in the trash shortly after. And they expect me to re-use this gag item over and over again? No way in hell is that gonna happen... not unless I modify the instructions a bit.

I decided to reverse all of the suction cups on the Toilet Monster so that I can place it on top of the toilet seat, rather than underneath it. It may not have the exact same effect, but the toilet lid should cover it just fine for any unsuspecting victim. Let's see how it works...

See? There's absolutely no need to attach that thing to the underside of the toilet seat! If you walked into that bathroom and hadn't read this article, you wouldn't notice the Toilet Monster waiting to scare the crap out of ya. But the real question here is, does it work? Sure, you can watch that dazzling animation and see how he pops up from under the lid, but does it actually scare people? Fortunately for you, I have some video footage of it in action. You see, I went out for dinner after setting this thing up, and when I got back home, I really needed to take a dump so badly that I had completely forgotten I had put the Toilet Monster under the lid. So why do I have video footage of this? It's quite simple really... I clearly have hidden cameras installed in my bathroom because I have a fetish for watching people poop.

And now, with that big confession off of my chest, I present you with what happened when I discovered the Toilet Monster had been waiting to pounce my posterior.

It take back everything I said about the Toilet Monster. It's not stupid, it's downright horrifying.

Have any questions or comments about this piece?


If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:

Horrifying Halloween Frogs
Horrifying Halloween Frogs


Death's Head Terror!
Death's Head Terror!

Reader Comments

Cast "Summon Boat"
Oct 28th, 2008, 04:34 AM

Are you a folder or a scruncher, Roger?
Magic squirrel
Oct 28th, 2008, 04:51 AM

You think the head would at least be inflateable so it didn't look melted.
Last of the Time Lords
Oct 28th, 2008, 06:26 AM
This is an idea that might have actually worked if it were just better made. I bet anyone you pull this prank on has to stare at the thing for at least ten seconds before they even figure out what the hell it is, and that they're supposed to be scared.
Forum Virgin
Oct 28th, 2008, 09:44 AM
Haha this thing is awesome. I must have it!

It also reminds me of a prank I pulled on my mom when I was younger. I got the idea from a Beavis and Butthead comic book. You cut the corners off of ketchup packets and put them around the rim of the toilet. Then you carefully lower the seat so they're covered. Then someone comes in, sits down and SQUISH ketchup goes everywhere. My mom was so pissed. My dad and my brothers were laughing so hard they were crying. It was awesome!
Oct 28th, 2008, 10:00 AM
I went to a party once (not a Halloween one, mind you) and one girl was making such a deal because of a scare she got when going to the toilet. Apparently, some guy put a ballon under the toilet cover and a needle on the edge of the seat. When this girl had to open it, the baloon exploded and she went into a screaming rage that lasted about 10 seconds before anyone could possible go and ask her what the hell was wrong with her. Good laughs...
Forum Virgin
Oct 28th, 2008, 11:38 AM
It's work a lot better if it let out a scream or some other loud noise when someoe lifts the lid.
What Video Games?
Oct 28th, 2008, 01:59 PM
The video had me in stitches. And your confession was also hilarious. Good times!
Freak Power
Oct 28th, 2008, 03:10 PM
My question is is it flushable? I dunno... my fucked up friends would look at it and go "Cool... Now I'll drop a deuce on it!" and that would be the end of that.
Commarade General
Oct 28th, 2008, 03:41 PM
Nothing beats contact plastic on the toilet and unsuspecting users that need to use the toilet really bad.

Heh, good times.
Fake Shemp
Oct 28th, 2008, 06:58 PM
My God. You're not kidding about Monsturd either.
Sympathizes with the foo'
Oct 28th, 2008, 09:24 PM
Unless it's supposed to be the sentient aftermath of a spinach madeleine dinner, I say they wasted a perfect opportunity in making that thing green instead of brown.
lurking on the walls
Oct 28th, 2008, 10:47 PM
I remember those, now if you can make one that has fake eyes on the inside of the lid, and fake bloody teeth, that'd be awsome!
Forum Virgin
Oct 29th, 2008, 12:15 AM
Rog made a doody.
Oct 29th, 2008, 05:06 AM
I don't know which is scarier, the fact that you wear your pickle hat in the bathroom, or the toilet monster itself.
Star Man
Oct 29th, 2008, 11:08 PM
Best scared reaction ever.
Ya my sideburns are epic
Oct 31st, 2008, 11:07 AM
THANK YOU -Rog- I completely forgot about this me and my cousin played a great prank at a party with these things a long time ago I have to find one now!!!
Nov 27th, 2008, 05:54 PM
Man, I gotta find that movie "Monsturd" it sounds absolutely hilarious from what I've read in IMDB. Maybe it would be cool to have some slime ooze off of the Toilet Monster as you open the lid, so that it would look really gross.
Oct 8th, 2010, 05:38 PM
i need one of these for my plumbing teacher
teacup of sunshine
Oct 11th, 2010, 03:14 AM
Weird, the only ones I've ever seen in catalogs were red. And I always thought "Wow, if they were only green like that Ghoulie they'd be way more effective". Guess I was wrong.

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