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Halloween Costume Ideas!

Want to celebrate Halloween but don't know what to be? Well then, have I got the answers for you! Okay, so I'm not promising they're very good answers, and they'll probably get you mugged if you go trick-or-treating, and if you go to a party, you'll likely be the most hated person there, but wearing a lame costume is still better than no costume at all, isn't it? Anyway, here are some costume ideas that I came up with while I was bored at work. Mostly on the can.


The Transvestite

When I was a teenager, it seemed like there was always some dude I knew who wanted to dress up as a girl, probably because it was the one day of the year he could bare his secret shame for the world to see without fear of enduring any social backlash. So for Halloween this year, you could always do the ironic "be yourself", and go back into costume for the other 364 days of the year. Bonus points if you go as an easily recognizable celebrity transvestite, like Ru Paul or Ann Coulter. Sorry ladies, I guess this suggestion isn't for you.


A Transformer

Transformers was a popular movie this summer, so any costume based on the film is sure to be a hit! Dressing up as the live-action movie version is easy: just make your costume look like a giant piece of shit with legs, and you're done! If you want to go with the more "old school" look, construct a giant, unwieldy costume out of cardboard boxes to ensure that you'll constantly bump into people and have trouble fitting through doorways all night. And if you dress up as Optimus Prime, make sure you stomp on people's gardens and knock shit over in and around their house while saying "Whoops! My bad!"

Global Warming

Here's a really obnoxious one: go as global warming! Put yourself in a big round ball, paint it up like the planet Earth, and strap a bunch of space heaters to your body (at least a minimum of eight). Try not to catch anything or anyone on fire, but if you do, make sure to blame everyone else in attendance for unleashing too many greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere. This won't be the most comfortable costume you could wear, but it's a small sacrifice to pay in order to raise awareness that you're a giant asshole.


Obscure Nerd-dom Character

Dress up as a character that only the biggest of nerds would recognize, like any second-tier comics or Lord of the Rings character, or anyone from a TV series that enjoyed fringe popularity like Babylon 5. This costume will ensure that you'll go home sad and alone from any parties you attend, but it's a sure bet that anyone you're seen talking to throughout the night will return to a cold and empty apartment as well. And won't that make it all worth it, knowing that your costume has brought misery to others?


Abnormally Large Midget Creature

If you're a person of usual height and build, dress up as a creature that's normally portrayed by midgets, like leprechauns or Ewoks. For too long have the midgets selfishly monopolized these costumes! It's time to take them back!


Emperor Palpatine

Dress up as Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars, and talk in that really annoying and obnoxious way that he does. Try to get people to ask you "yes or no" questions, like "Would you like something to drink?" and then respond by contorting your face and saying "No, no, no NO, NO" and pretend you are shooting lightning at them from your fingers. If you don't get your ass kicked within five minutes, I'll be surprised.

Recently Deceased Zombie Celebrity

You're sure to offend many people if you dress up as a zombie version of a popular celebrity who's died within the last year or so, like Steve Irwin, Michael Jackson (the beer guy), or Anna Nicole Smith. To make the costume more authentic, duct tape slabs of raw meat under your clothing so you smell like the rotting dead. (Note: make sure you leave the meat laying out in the sun all day before putting on your costume).


Governor Ahnold Schwarzenegger

If you live in California, construct a ridiculous composite costume using as many different Ahnold roles as possible, like Mr. Freeze, Conan the Barbarian, the Terminator, and others. Spout off as many ridiculous and moronic catchphrases from his films as you can throughout the night, and constantly remind everyone you see that somehow, against all odds, you're their governor. By the end of the night everyone you've encountered should be a sobbing wreck.


An Emoticon

Pick whatever emotion you feel like embodying for the entire night, and then go out and portray that emotion to the best of your ability with your emoticon costume. My recommendation is to go with something fun, like "anger" >:O, and assault every person you come across. If you can come up with some kind of LED face screen that allows you to change what emoticon you are, better yet!


Your Favorite Album

A sure way to come across as a pretentious, annoying asshole the entire night is to dress up as your favorite album. Just get a big cardboard box, paste a large image of your favorite album cover on the front of it, and walk around bumping into people all night because of your large square costume. Try to get into as many arguments about music as you can, sing songs from the album, and if anyone tells you that album or band sucks, get into a fistfight with that person.

That's all I got. Don't blame me if you get made fun of or get your ass kicked for using one of these. I sure as hell wouldn't use any of 'em, but hey, these are supposed to be ideas for you, not me.

-Protoclown
 


If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:


The Halloween Costume Quiz!

and


What Your Halloween Costume
Choice Says About You!


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