Halloween

The Halloween Grab Bag!
How To Really Survive A Horror Movie
by: Protoclown

There are a lot of guides out there that tell you how to survive a horror movie--hell, the movie Scream even lists a few. But are you really going to trust a horror movie to tell you how to survive... itself? I don't think so. The truth is, none of these lists give you all the facts that you need; at best they give you a minimal amount of information to comfort you by telling you want you want to hear. Not me, though. I'm here to give you the real inside scoop. Supposing you find yourself in a horror movie someday (which is unlikely, unless you happen to be double-crossed in a deal with the Devil himself, or you're an extra, in which case you're screwed), this list will actually help you survive rather than provide you with a bunch of quippy sound bites you can dish out before you are stabbed to death.

So ignore all those other lists. They will not aid you. Here are the facts that will actually help you see the light of another day.

1. Never go off by yourself.
Unless you are going to the bathroom. And make sure that every trip to the bathroom involves a Number Two, or at least a very convincing series of farts if you can't muster up the real deal. The killer/monster/evil force will avoid killing you on the can, because it's just awkward and the camera really doesn't want to show you in the middle of smashing one out (Note: obviously if you are fighting toilet based monsters like Ghoulies, ignore this).

2. Don't be the only minority.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. If you are the only minority in your group of survivors, you'd damn best find another person who fits the bill (preferably someone who's even more of a minority than you) pretty fast. (Note: you are exempt from this rule if your name is Keith David).

3. Always make sure you are the second-best looking person (of your sex) there.
If you are the best-looking person there, you are dead meat, unless you give yourself some kind of horrific facial scar, in which case you may have a fighting chance if the scar makes you look "hard". If you're the ugliest person, there's really no hope for you unless you attract someone uglier to your survivor party. And if you're just average, you'd better arrange some kind of "accident" for those between you and numeral uno, or you're as good as cannon fodder.

4. Do not be the comic relief.
Unless of course you can create just the right balance between humorous and indestructible, like Ash from the Evil Dead films. Be aware that striking this balance however is almost impossible. If you don't have at least a size 9 chin (measured using the North American Chin Sizing Chart), do not even attempt this.

5. Never say "I'll be back".

Unless you say it like Arnold Schwarzenegger (and if you are Arnold Schwarzenegger).

6. Don't have sex.
Horror film research shows that if you have sex, you will be killed in the middle of the act. However, if you engage in the extremely kinky kind of sex that makes others uncomfortable (like that involving a blow torch, a stuffed chihuahua and a bucket of clams), you will probably be okay, because whatever is trying to kill you doesn't want to walk in on that shit either (Note: you must be able to keep this up for the duration of the movie).

7. Always run up the stairs.
Trapping yourself in a corner seems to run counter to logic, but more often than not it's the people who run for the door leading outside who end up suffering a grisly, horrible death, while the idiot who runs away from the obvious escape route manages to survive. This is because the movie has to maintain a certain amount of heightened tension--if you're too smart and escape too easily, the movie doesn't like that.

8. Be in the military.

In a horror movie, if you're in any branch of the military at all, whatever rank you happen to be, you will be equipped with a variety of survival skills--a "jack-of-all-trades", if you will. Chances are you'll possess knowledge of at least all of the following: first aid, piloting, bomb disarming, engineering, heavy vehicle operation, moving silently, trap setting, alien linguistics, and clever quips while operating a firearm.

9. Always listen to crazy bums.
If you run into a crazy bum prattling on drunkenly about the supposedly haunted house that you just moved into, or a wild-eyed street person grabs your arm and speaks prophetic words of doom through rotted, crooked teeth, every single thing that they say is true, and you would do well to heed their advice (Note: do not heed their advice if all they say is "yer gonna die!" or something like that).

10. Don't be an asshole.
You can get away with being a bit snarky, but if you're an outright asshole, your number is up (doubly so if your name is Chet). Especially avoid being cruel to women, children, or animals, because then the audience will really look forward to seeing you receive your comeuppance later.

11. Avoid mythical creatures.

If some creepy, short, ugly mythical creature wearing lots of prosthetics approaches and tries to speak with you, DO NOT engage it in conversation, and if speaking to it is unavoidable, never say anything that can be construed as a wish. The correct response when encountering such a creature is to kick or hit it in the head with a pipe and run away.

12. Never investigate a mysterious noise.
You're going to discover it was just the cat, but there's also a 50% chance you're going to die within two minutes of making that discovery.

13. Always be aware of your companions' behavior.
If your fellow survivor was just fighting zombies and they insist that "Noooooo, of course I wasn't bitten!" while glancing around all shifty-eyed and nervously biting their lip, don't be afraid to demand a strip search. Sure, you may feel awkward about it, but you'll feel even more awkward when they're gnawing into your shoulder.

14. Don't be a virgin.
If you are a virgin, you're screwed (and I don't mean in the "Yay, I'm not a virgin anymore!" sense). Don't even think for a minute that if you just don't tell anyone that you're a virgin you'll be okay. The monsters always know. Always. So if you're a virgin at the start of the movie, you'd best lose that virginity pretty damn fast (See also "6. Don't have sex").

15. Do not take a shower.

Seriously, just don't. If there's a shower curtain, there's absolutely no chance that you won't pull it back to reveal a crazed knife-wielding killer. In fact, it's best if you don't bathe at all for the entire course of the movie. The resulting stench will drive everything else away, and though it will allow monsters with superior olfactory senses to pinpoint your exact location with ease, it will also encourage them to avoid you that much more (Note: this tactic does not work against undead, or crazed street bums).

16. Don't be overly sentimental.
If you feel overwhelmingly compelled to recite poetry for your girlfriend telling her how beautiful she is or perform love songs on your guitar, you had damn best resist that urge for the course of the movie, or you will probably be the most tempting target of all. Seriously, killing your type of character is like black tar heroin to movie monsters.

17. Do not allow your band of survivors to split up.
If an argument about your present course ensues (and if you are in a zombie movie, this is inevitable), where one person disagrees with your survival plan and decides they are going to take whoever is willing and split off to do their own thing, you must kill that person immediately. You must brook no dissent, because as soon as that jackass opens that basement door to leave, your secured position is as good as gone and the horde will come rushing in.

18. Never check to see if something you just killed is really dead.
Trust me, it's a trick. Get an axe.

19. Never film things with a handheld movie camera.
You're only asking for a dramatic death scene where the camera falls to the ground and records only the grisly sounds of your terrible, terrible death before the face of your mauled, unblinking corpse falls directly into the frame.

20. Never go up to a strange house and ask to use the phone if your car breaks down.
If your car breaks down on a stormy night, never go up to that dark, creepy house on the corner illuminated by flashes of lightning and ask to use their phone. Seriously, we live in the age of cell phones now, so there's really no excuse for that. Just call AAA and wait in the car.

21. Don't watch any unlabelled video tapes.
If you're staying in a stranger's house and you find a mysterious unmarked tape in their movie collection, just leave it alone. Trust me, it's not a homemade porno, so don't bother. Come to think of it, even if it is a homemade porno, do you really want to watch that shit?

22. Avoid any creepy dolls or toys.

If your child just found a creepy-looking doll in the attic or basement of the house you just moved into, you need to get rid of it. But don't burn it! That will only make it angry. Give it to some other neighborhood child, and now it's their fucking problem.

23. Don't get drunk, high, or otherwise fucked-up.
This one's a no-brainer. You don't want to impair yourself if there's a crazed killer or evil monster running around. Even if you're in a bar and you are fooled by the illusion of safety in numbers, don't do it. That bar will only become a charnel house of death, and you won't be able to get away fast enough.

24. Don't live in, go to, or even talk about Maine.
Seriously. Every town, city, village and hamlet in that god-forsaken state has been in a Stephen King story by now.

25. Never take a shortcut.
Take it from me, that shortcut you plan on taking through that meat-packing plant or graveyard to evade the monster is not going to turn out well. Just run in as straight a line as possible.

Okay, obviously these aren't all the ways to survive a horror movie, but it's a good start, and it's not like I don't have other things to do. If you find yourself in a situation not on this list, well, you're on your own. But perhaps I'll do another list next year. In the meantime, just watch your back (oh, that's a good one! 26. Watch your back), because you never know where evil creatures that want to make you very dead just may be lurking.

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Protoclown

 

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:


My Halloween

Reader Comments

Riot Control
Sep 10th, 2008, 04:36 AM
Hey Proto, I think that another good survival tip would be expect the bad guy (someone like Jason) to revive. That way you can save all the panting and victorious drama and better start running the hell away from the murder scene.
OH GOD
Sep 10th, 2008, 04:48 AM
that's sort of similar to #18, though
grants but one wish
Sep 10th, 2008, 05:12 AM
heheh, nice one
Forum Virgin
Sep 10th, 2008, 05:17 AM
One point on being in the military. You have to be the only one who is in the military. If you're part of a troop, you'll all get wiped out.
Student of Cereal Lore
Sep 10th, 2008, 05:55 AM
Thanks Proto, but now we all know what to expect. So now we'll be the overly cautious ones who know all the rules, and are thus guaranteed to be killed in such a way as to surprise the viewer as well as our selves.
Pickleman's Uncle
Sep 10th, 2008, 06:33 AM
Haha that's awesome. I remember a similar article in a humor magazine here in Quebec, but that was 10 years ago and in french. Had the "never check if you really killed the monster" one.

Question: in the case that one thing you SHOULDN'T do and one thing you SHOULD do mix together, which one wins out?
Like, say I want to take a shower and I get my fat smelly friend to unleash a Taco Bell storm on the toilet while I clean up, what happens?
pickled
Sep 10th, 2008, 06:40 AM
I spy an Army of Darkness quote.
Fanboy
Sep 10th, 2008, 06:58 AM
#18 is a rule for living.
Member
Sep 10th, 2008, 07:47 AM
Rule #27 Never call the police expecting them to believe your ramblings of an indestructible Serial Killer,even if you are the wide eyed rookie on the force.
Crazy dog woman
Sep 10th, 2008, 08:24 AM
GreyWeirdo and Drunken Lemur, that was certainly needed additions. Do you think it's all covered now? Or anything more we need to know?
Forum Virgin
Sep 10th, 2008, 09:14 AM
To add to 18. Never check to see if something you just killed is really dead.
I always would yell at the dumbasses on the screen, if you knock something down/"kill" the monster, hit it until it's jelly! Go smashy smashy until there's nothing left to get up! This is the worst! They shoot the monster/killer, and then get right in it's face...why??

Keep shooting, until the click click click, then gun thump it until it's a fine paste!
Then, hell, place the goo in seperate bags/boxes and then drive like fuck to seperate that thing
Riot Control
Sep 10th, 2008, 09:30 AM
executioneer: Yeah, the tip I'm suggesting is somewhat related to rule #18, although maybe I forgot to mention that this applies more to those endless sequels in which the heroes should know the history of the bad guy well enough to to at least think about what's going to happen if they remain where they are instead of trying to get nowhere near it now it is temporarily (they always get up) disabled.
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Sep 10th, 2008, 09:39 AM
If your friend is pulled away by flesh-eating zombies, do not try to save him/her. They are already good as dead. It is always the ones that go back in to save the others that get hit. You may be a heartless bastard for letting your best bud die, but at least you live to tell the tale. Unless you are the only surviving member left in your group, because somehow it gives you better odds.
Forum Virgin
Sep 10th, 2008, 10:18 AM
Ha. I think you nailed it.
This site: http://www.dodgethekills.com/ went up last year to promote a book called "How to Survive a Horror Movie." My favorite is "How to Defeat a Killer Doll" just kick the livin' crap out of it.
ŋ
Sep 10th, 2008, 10:30 AM
I can NOT beleave you forgot one of the most important rules. BE A GIRL IN A WHITE TANK TOP.
Crazy dog woman
Sep 10th, 2008, 03:14 PM
McFly, could also be that you think you managed to drag your friend to safety, but when you look at what you're actually holding on to it's not so much your entire friend as just a few bodyparts, while the rest was eaten. But even if one isn't killed in that scenario, it would be nice to avoid... I mean, yuck!

BTW, isn't there some old horror movie where the main character does smoke weed but lives? I think it might be in the very first Friday the 13th... or something equally old...
Movie Enthusiast
Sep 10th, 2008, 03:15 PM
This was an excellent list. I had fun reading it to my friends. I'll be sure to heed these warnings should I find myself in the darker side of the silver screen.
Clobbersaurus
Sep 10th, 2008, 05:11 PM
Loved the quote in #18. Glad that like half of the people here got that joke.
I like cheese.
Sep 10th, 2008, 06:08 PM
I disagree with #26 (watch your back) because you'll turn to look back, and as soon as you turn back forward, the monster is right there in your face. And I hope you better be wearing brown pants.
Forum Virgin
Sep 10th, 2008, 07:08 PM
This one fits pretty well with Gourry's, but...

The killer is always in your vicinity. This may seem like a no brainer (it IS chasing you, after all), but keep in mind that the killer could kill someone in Maine, but by the time you even TALK about it at home in LA... he will be outside your door waiting to kill you in some creative way, garunteed.
Tony Wonder
Sep 10th, 2008, 09:00 PM
Another one is always keep your clothes on during the movie. Boobs work opposite in a horror environment. Normally=Awesome, Horror=Dead.
after enough bourbon ...
Sep 10th, 2008, 09:57 PM
Right from the top:

"... the camera really doesn't want to show you in the middle of smashing one out."

Hysterical, and they just got better from there. Great work, Proto.
Former Virgin
Sep 10th, 2008, 11:54 PM
#22 is extremely sound advice. Also, that doll is freaking creepy!
Smooth Operator
Sep 11th, 2008, 02:25 AM
Rule #1 just made me spit Mt. Dew out of my nose. Specifically the phrase "smashing one out".
And oddly enough, I use the "get an axe" line whenever I've been dumb enough to fall for someone calling out from the bathroom, "you gotta come see the size of this!"
Imperial Stormtrooper
Sep 11th, 2008, 07:59 AM
Very well written and insightful, but of little to no use to an Imperial Stormtrooper. maybe your next article should be "How to survive a laser gun shoot-out in your shiny white plastic armor" or "How to ACTUALLY hit a main Star Wars character, even though your only 6 feet away". Those would be great.
The Riddle Pimp
Sep 11th, 2008, 08:39 AM
I disagree with #1. You're much less likely to be killed taking a whiz, rather than "smashing one out". I think that there's at least 2 occasions in Friday the 13th alone when someone's taking a dump ant they get killed. (Of course, I'm just going off of memory here.)

Anyway, the rest of the list is excellent, Proto!
Forum Virgin
Sep 11th, 2008, 10:29 AM
Pfft, must mean I'm tough. Not only do I live in Maine, I live, like, a couple miles from Stephen King's house.
drifting in the void
Sep 11th, 2008, 10:41 AM
-Never answer the phone, itīs your mother, but you die withing 20 seconds (Same as with the strange noise)

-NEVER watch TV. You donīt want to see whatever they show. If a TV is on when you enter the room - SMASH it at once, no matter whatīs on the screen. Beware white noise-thingies

-Same with mirrors. Smash īem. You know what you look like, no need to take a peek

-To extend the Doll-Law: Anything inanimate with a face has to be destroyed immediately, especially if it gets dark

-If you can be sure, there is no monster in the movie you are in, kill everyone around you, better safe than sorry, because one of them must be the killer. I know, this makes YOU the killer but you have to surprise the movie so it canīt react accordingly OR you are in a movie without a happy end and that basically means - You win!
Big Red Cat
Sep 11th, 2008, 12:03 PM
Indeed on the mirrors. AVOID THEM. The worst thing you can do in a horror movie is bend over infront of a mirror to grab something or wash your face and then look back up.

Also, arm yourself and stay armed. This one seems like common sense to me but it's something so many horror movie victims ignore.

I also have to disagree on the military point. You'll have the skills and go out in a hurrah, but you will still die like a dog.

The most crucial thing is to be the take-charge guy (or, if female, to feel close to and eventually develop a romantic relationship with the take-charge guy). These are the only two people who will survive, so get over that social awkwardness fast. If you miss the window and someone else takes the role, becoming the pissy guy who always insists on doing something else is NOT the good alternative. You're just going to have to edge out that (other) female and become the love interest of the protagonist. This could be very awkward if you are a man as well, but do you want to live or not?
Fucking Finland
Sep 11th, 2008, 12:12 PM
-Never take food from the fridge, because

a) The Killer will always be hiding behind the open fridge door, ready to attack you when you close the door

b) The Killer will always attack you when you close the door and turn around

Also, the killer can use the fridge door to smash your head

The Dork Knight
Sep 11th, 2008, 02:26 PM
27. If you suddenly hear violins in a stakkato rhythm, youīre screwed.
Ms. Sorghum Molasses '82
Sep 11th, 2008, 04:47 PM
Rule 20 Corollary:

If you're in a horror/musical/comedy, only ask to use the phone in the weird, creepy place if you're INTO that sort of thing!
The Geminate
Sep 11th, 2008, 07:57 PM
While this is sage advice for the 80s-90s horror, the latest horror and (ugh) porn-horror seems to be breaking most of these rules, especially numbers 1, 6, 8, 14, 17, 23 and 25.
Freak Power
Sep 11th, 2008, 08:21 PM
Add another rule: Chainsaws never run out of gas, or get dull. Use as frequently as possible. Just like Head On: Apply directly to the forehead.
good fer what ails ye.
Sep 11th, 2008, 08:33 PM
Oxblood, you made me think of something: Become the monster/killer. I don't care what you do, go insane, drink chemicals, mess with your DNA, etc. Because if you are the monster, you most likely won't be killed, and even if you are you have a 88.62% chance of coming back, and will most likely gain a lucerative film career! Unless it's a zombie flick, in which case just be badass.
good fer what ails ye.
Sep 11th, 2008, 08:42 PM
P.S., resident-Adam has a great idea, so do it, goddamn it!
Member
Sep 11th, 2008, 08:55 PM
Geminate, I'm not sure I understand. Could you give the class an example?
Forum Virgin
Sep 11th, 2008, 10:12 PM
Yeah, if you're the monster/killer you're safe until the end of the movie... until they make the sequel.
Member
Sep 11th, 2008, 10:50 PM
Ok well, to survive a slasher film, but how do you survive a FULCI movie? None of the victims in his movies do anything that makes any fucking sense at all. In fact its as if they're following these exact rules, and they still die.
Forum Virgin
Sep 12th, 2008, 01:39 AM
I had to register to give my advice:

Try to be about 10 years old and cute. You will NOT be killed and everyone will work to protect you. If you can't fake being 10 years old, act really innocent and pretend you have a mental disability. You'll have a much better chance of surviving.
age 8 1/2
Sep 12th, 2008, 03:59 AM
-Don't be 'The Slut' of the group.
-Don't pick up hitchhikers.
-Don't run out of gas or get flat tires.
-That's not the sound of a branch scraping up against the house.
-Don't know what it is? Don't run up to it and touch it. Curiosity killed that cat and it will get you too.
-Hit or run over something with your car? Keep driving, use the mirrors to look back, that's what they're for.
-The first person you think could possibly help you? They can't. They're already dead at the second their name entered your mind.
-Evil death-bringers can teleport. Just cause every time you see them they're shambling along doesn't mean they won't be where you least expected them to be.
-Disbelief and ridiculing old legends will get you killed. Usually as you speak the words, 'That old lady is crazy. Only an idiot would believe in the...Oh Shit'.
drifting in the void
Sep 12th, 2008, 04:01 AM
How about I try to be the monster while looking just like my Avatar? That would be pretty creepy I think...a handdrawn chibi-anime-chick...no...not a good idea, Iīll think of something else.
King of the Monsters
Sep 13th, 2008, 12:16 AM
-If Guns Are Proven Not to Work, Don't Keep Using Them: If someone was just shooting at the monster/alien/killer whatsit and got killed and/or eaten... don't under any circumstances think that shooting at it will work for you either.

-There's Always a Queen Monster: There's almost always a queen somewhere. Even if the species of monster is never known to have a queen of ANY sort... one usually manages to pop up somewhere.

-Close the Resorts: If horrible murders are occurring near, around, or IN your lake, river, beach, or pool resort... 9 times out of 10 that's not a good sign. So be a smart person and close the damn things down. A little low income is a hell of a lot better than having MORE dead bodies on your hands. It also doesn't work well for your P.R. either.

-Scientists Are Always Right: When a scientist is explaining the bad things that can and most likely WILL happen if said experiment/chemical/etc. is used, they are right. That's why they're scientists, and you're not. But if they sport an eyepatch, a scar, or an evil goatee... (or all of the above) be wary of their motives.

-Differing Agendas Stipulation: Scientists may always be right, but will also, almost always, have differing agendas than yours when it comes to monsters/aliens/etc. While it's quite obvious that the monster(s) you're all facing are not of the passive/kind variety, that will NEVER stop scientists from wanting to study them... preferrably alive. Thus, they should NEVER be left near anything with which they could jeopardize YOUR attempts to kill the Monster. EVER.
Sympathizes with the foo'
Sep 13th, 2008, 09:36 PM
There's another exemption to #2: If you're being played by a rapper, you can kick your heels up and relax; there's a 99% chance that you're going to be just fine. In case you're nervous about those odds, keep in mind that using the phrase "Oh shit! I'm gonna die with all these crazy motherfuckin' white people!" will boost your chances of survival to a full 100%.

There's also another stipulation to #8: While soldiers are often given a break, don't expect the same treatment if you're a police officer. If you are a cop, even if there aren't any others around, then you'd better damn well believe what those hysterical kids are telling you or else you're kicking the bucket very soon.

And GreyWeirdo's observation about being part of a a group of soldiers, is spot on. If you are unfortunate enough to be in this bracket; try to be the only survivor of your squad's inevitable massacre, whereupon you'll then receive the protection offered by Rule #8.
King of the Monsters
Sep 15th, 2008, 12:28 AM
*adds a stipulation to Mister Tea's observation about soldiers* This doesn't seem to work for minority members of said group of soldiers, same with "tough-as-nails-but-has-a-heart-of-gold" female soldiers. You might as well stick your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye, because there's very little chance of your survival.
Sympathizes with the foo'
Sep 15th, 2008, 01:40 AM
Further stipulation: if you happen to be a female soldier, do a quick check of the other females in the cast. If any of them are hotter than you, then Primortal's already made your fate clear; the best you can hope for is a heroic death while rescuing the hot chick. If you're otherwise a minority soldier, check for any wisecracking black guys played by L.L. Cool J. If you see one, then shoot him if want to live through this thing. Can't stress it enough.

By the way: love the avatar, Primortal. Rowsdower for Prime Minister!
Forum Virgin
Sep 15th, 2008, 08:04 AM
Seriously, killing your type of character is like black tar heroin to movie monsters.

HAHAHA brilliant. Loved that quote.

Also, if you happen to be of Native American descent, and you figure out there's a monster on the loose before the whities do, don't do something stupid like try to take it on yourself with just a stick and medicine bag.

When running away from the monster into a safe room/house/building after slamming and locking the door, don't then lean against it for a sigh of relief. You're about to be torn in two.

At the beginning of this adventure, when someone says, "Hey, let's NOT go to this spooky place. It's dangerous!" heed their advice. Conversely, if some jackass says, "Hey! Let's go to that place where people get chopped up like they're salmon on Iron Chef!" throw them from the car and keep going.
Sympathizes with the foo'
Sep 15th, 2008, 02:45 PM
Exception for mystical Native Americans: if the monster is the product of anything built over a tribal burial ground, however, you're the only one who can stop it. But don't attempt to right away; the other characters have to exhaust every possible attempt to kill the creature first.
Cell Regenerated Deadite
Sep 16th, 2008, 09:50 AM
Regarding #1, I cite the the classic bathroom death of Demon from Friday the 13th, Part 5 - A New Beginning.

Demon was doing a number 2 in a portapotty after having Taco Smell and Jason took him out. Of course, Jason did not actually go into the smellhouse-- he impaled through it with a spear!
Turrican't. :(
Sep 16th, 2008, 11:55 AM
Classic and awesome. Well done.
King of the Monsters
Sep 22nd, 2008, 12:04 AM
And if you're a Native American, and happen to be a IN a horror movie, 9 times out of 10, you WILL, without a doubt, have heard of a legend (preferrably a Native American one) that happens to be tied to said monster you are all facing.

And glad you like my avatar Mister Tea.
Member
Oct 15th, 2008, 07:33 PM
Don't be a specialist in things related to the monster. They'll make you die one of the worst deaths (like that shark expert in Jaws).
Queen of the Beasts
Jul 14th, 2009, 02:59 PM
I know its been a while, but I just thought of one:

If you are in a zombie movie and people get turned into zombies by being bitten, wear a wide leather collar with spikes on it around your neck, and improvise armor from whatever you have lying around, such as athletic gear. Especially guard your calves, zombies like to hide under things and then bite exposed legs. Just don't leave any more skin exposed than is absolutely necessary.
Nuclear Waffle
Feb 8th, 2010, 04:15 PM
An addition to Jeanette's rule: DON'T, I REPEAT, DON'T TAKE THE OFFER OF BECOMING A ZOMBIE WITH A MIND! FALLOUT HAS TAUGHT ME THAT!!!

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