The Greatest Horror Movie Moments!
by: Dr. Boogie

Children Of The Corn

Kids. They're bad news.

Corn. Add butter and salt and it's delicious.

Stephen King understood that the combination of these two things would produce untold terror and franchising potential.

If you've never seen Children of the Corn, the basic premise is like that of Peter Pan, if he and the Lost Boys had murdered all the adults/pirates in a corn-fueled orgy of violence. In the original short story, said orgy is implied, but never shown. When you're making a movie, on the other hand, you don't want to leave the audience completely in the dark when it comes to how a bunch of kids managed to take over an entire town.

And that brings us to our Horror Moment - the opening scene of Children of the Corn:

Mmm, corn flavored!

In a flashback, our young narrator Job tells us all about that one day after church where everything changed in the small country town of Gatlin.

Mennonite casual is in this fall!

Job's dad doesn't like Isaac. Maybe it's the hat, I don't know. Whatever tipped him off, Dad is a good judge of character. Isaac stops by to peep through the window of the diner in an overtly suspicious manner, but nobody seems to notice except for Job. While he looks on, several other kids file into the diner. Then Isaac gives the signal.

Hey Ginger. Hey Amish.

He nods at his second-in-command, Malachai (Outlander!!!), and Malachai returns the nod.

Now it's on.

Woo, lockin at the diner!

We've switched their nutrasweet with strychnine. Let's see if they notice!

One of the other moppets locks the door while a waitress poisons the coffee. Whateer kind of poison it is, it works almost immediately after a single sip.

I shouldn't have asked for extra drain cleaner in my coffee!

But what about those heretical non-coffee drinkers, you ask? Well Isaac and his crew are nothing if not thorough.

Not this time, Jolly Green Giant!

The kids in the diner arm themselves with hidden weapons. Some are hidden better than others, as Malachai simply grabs a machete that was leaning against the pinball machine. Starting to think the main lesson to take away from all this is that it's important to pay attention to your kids, if only so they have to try extra hard if they want to kill you.

I didn't like the way you served my Spanish omlette!

Yes! My bad review on Yelp is working!!

Job looks on as adults are getting stabbed and slashed all around him. The owner of the diner gets the worst of it, though:

Who ordered the pound of thinly-sliced hand?

I mean, why bother to put his hand in the deli slicer? Think of how many passes it's going to take with that slicer to kill the guy! Although it would've been funny to have two or three minutes of running his hand back and forth until it eventually severs an artery, with cutaways of Isaac at the window growing more and more impatient with how long it's taking...

You tipped me 3% the last time you were here!!

Job's dad is the last one to get it. The kids tackle him to the ground, stabbing and chopping as they go. For his part, Job looks surprised, and why wouldn't he be? This has to be putting a bad taste in his mouth that even a chocolate milkshake can't wash away. Still, he does seem fairly blase about seeing his dad get killed right in front of him, and he never really gets all that broken up about it later in the film. I guess we all experience grief differently.

After that, things go pretty well for a society run solely by children. Sure, playing games is forbidden and you get killed as soon as you age into adulthood, but all their other needs are corn-based, so there's nothing to worry about!

Just steer clear of those Children of the Wheat and their amber waves of PAIN!!!


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