Halloween

The Greatest Horror Movie Moments!
by: Dr. Boogie

Maniac Cop 2

Maniac Cop tells the story of a good cop gone bad who ultimately leaves New York fearing the very officers who risk their lives to protect them. For those who haven't seen it, there are two things to know about it: It depicts what is arguably the least Bruce Campbell-y character ever played by Bruce Campbell, and it marks the second time in the series that the titular cop wastes an entire precinct full of cops. In spite of that, it's still kinda boring. Maniac Cop 2, on the other hand, turns the B-movie knob up to 11. Instead of a slow buildup of the Maniac Cop sewing discord in the city as he undermines the fabric of law enforcement, he's killing people and being strangely helpful to criminals from the very first scene. And he's actually doing the killing on camera, like a genuine movie monster!

Of course, he's not supposed to be a monster. He's supposed to be Matthew Cordell, a wrongfully-convicted cop who was mortally wounded in prison, suffered brain death, got better somehow, and was released out of pity. In practice, though, he's basically Jason Voorhees with a badge, and nowhere is that more evident than the incredible finale, wherein he finally gets his revenge!

Hey, you're that guy from that thing!

Cordell's rampage leads him back to Sing Sing prison to confront his killers. He recalls the first from a flashback, and said convict remembers him as well. Or maybe he's just terrified that there's a heavily-scared mute in a cop uniform bearing down on him. Either way, he acts:

Ow, that toilet wine burns!

A molotov cocktail lights up Cordell. I must remind you, this is just supposed to be a regular guy with brain damage. That in mind...

Sick burn, bro!

This complete immolation merely annoys Cordell. The convict manages to elude him by tossing another convict into his path, and Cordell proceeds to pummel him and toss him against the surprisingly shaky concrete wall. At this point, anyone in their right mind would have fled in mortal terror of the unstoppable burning man, but a few convicts decide to watch how all this pans out.

If only there were some way to shut this door!

The second of Cordell's killers can only watch in horror as the flaming giant bears down on him. Too terrified to even scream, he watches as the enormous hand grabs him out of his cell and hurls him against the wall.

AUUUGH *oof*! (wobble wobble)

Again, you didn't see that wall move. This was totally shot inside a real prison, and not some soundstage in Culver City.

If you catch a burning convict, you get to keep him!

Eventually, Cordell gets tired of other convicts watching from the balcony, so he turns one of the ground level convicts into a flaming missile. And he's still going! He closes the distance on the last of his killers and gives him a burning bear hug.

This beard isn't protecting me from fire at all!

Meanwhile, a serial killer who had been in Cordell's entourage until recently decides he's had enough of Cordell killing these non-police types. He stabs Cordell with his own knife, but forgets that Cordell is an invulnerable giant who's burning like a star. Cordell ignites his former friend and the two of them make a jailbreak:

Foiled by these cheap sets!

How pissed is the cop who parked so close to that bus?
ALL the fire. All of it.

I guess there were some other characters in the movie besides Cordell and the people he killed, but it's hard to care about stuff like that when you've just watched him bust through a wall, fall into an empty bus, and make that bus explode because... shut up, the movie's over. If that's not enough to make him a full-fledged movie monster, I don't know what is.

Oh wait, there is one other thing that legitimizes any great horror icon:

A rap tribute!

Back the badge... or else.

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