Halloween

The Greatest Horror Movie Moments!
by: Dr. Boogie

Monkey Shines

Monkey Shines is a movie about a quadriplegic man whose helper monkey becomes clingy and murderous. Because of this, the movie is generally regarded as more thriller than horror. It's hard to be scared of a Capuchin monkey, no matter how smart it is, but all things considered, director George "Night of the Living Dead" Romero made a pretty good scary monkey movie. One that even included a few memorable scenes:

At the beginning of the film, Ella, the monkey who does the shining is just a normal lab monkey, but then researcher Geoffrey Fisher begins a very usual treatment: he starts injecting Ella with a serum made from "human memory cells". That's just fancy college talk for...

Care for some chilled monkey brains, Dr. Jones?
Frozen brain scrapings!

Granted, the brain in question looks like a chicken breast with wrinkles pressed into it, but that's not the point. The thing to note about all this is that these injections make Ella smarter than the average helper monkey, and that's great news for Geoffrey's newly-paralyzed friend, Alan. Alan and Ella start really bonding, but then Ella becomes smart enough to be jealous. Now, it's turning into a monkey version of Fatal Attraction.

The scene in question takes place at the very end of the film. Ella has been a bad monkey, and Alan, trapped in the monkey's clutches and fearing for his life and the lives of his friends, must do something. While Ella tries to set his girlfriend's hair on fire, Alan manages to twitch his paralyzed arm just enough to hit "Play" on his stereo. Ella loves the music, and Alan calls her over for a hug. A hug, and a little necking.

MONKEY TASTE GOOD!!!
*crunch*

That twitch of his arm was all the movement Alan could manage from the neck down, so he gets desperate. Wanting to put an end to Ella's murderous spree, he bites down on the nape of her neck with enough force to draw blood, and then things really get brutal.

I HATE MONKIES!!!
I HATE MONKIES!!!
I HATE MONKIES!!!
I HATE MONKIES!!!
I HATE MONKIES!!!
I HATE MONKIES!!!

Alan thrashes Ella around like a dog with a chew toy. Suffice to say, that was the end of Ella's killing spree.

Be honest: how many of you came to this article thinking you would see a quadriplegic biting and shaking a monkey to death? All I can say is, "you're welcome."

No really... I HATE MONKIES!!!

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE READER COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!

 

Reader Comments

You'll thank me later...
Sep 3rd, 2010, 07:38 AM
That is God damned hysterical.
Thank you Dr. Boogie!
With More Yes Than Ever
Sep 3rd, 2010, 09:10 AM
I forgot about this film! The monkey popping out through that orifice will haunt my dreams forever.
Forum Virgin
Sep 3rd, 2010, 09:20 AM
I remember seeing this movie. That scene was 'flipping' awesome...

I know, it's bad..but it's early in the morning for me.
Sloth, PhD
Sep 3rd, 2010, 10:18 AM
I always loved this movie. I remember seeing the box on the shelf whenever we'd go the video store and I'd always ask my mom if we could rent it. Always got a no. But the first time I got to the store on my own, it was the first movie I picked up.

And it was glorious.
Stuff
Sep 3rd, 2010, 11:51 AM
I really need this on DVD.
Pickled Patriarch
Sep 3rd, 2010, 06:41 PM
What's crazy to me is that I think I had that same exact double cassette player that the dead monkey slams into. I could seriously watch this fight over and over again all day long. It's hypnotic.
The Claw of Justice
Sep 3rd, 2010, 07:11 PM
Enhanced cyborg protector animal, huh? I wonder who'd win in a fight between Ella and Max from Man's Best Friend.
the axe and the smasher
Sep 3rd, 2010, 07:32 PM
Goddamn I love that movie...
Forum Virgin
Sep 4th, 2010, 03:08 PM
Oh, I remember this one. I only recalled two scenes: the one portrayed here,and the weird cunnilingus scene with all the medical... ummmm... assistance? the monkey death was less disturbing to me.
pickled
Sep 4th, 2010, 10:59 PM
This deserved to win an award of some kind.
I hate this hacker crap!
Sep 7th, 2010, 03:19 PM
He really wanted that monkey dead.
Unfunny Python Reference
Sep 7th, 2010, 11:20 PM
The monkey has her own IMDB profile! Everybody must vote so here STARmeter becomes 100% http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1427670/

Click here to return to the Features homepage