by: Dr. Boogie

...CONTINUED

Abby tosses the old lady around a bit, all the while mocking her with her demon voice. At times, it looks like she's going to toss the old woman through the window. However, a stunt like that costs money, and money, like originality, is something this film does not have. Instead, after about a minute of getting tossed about and watching Abby levitate the furniture, the old lady has a heart attack.

As the paramedics arrive to haul her dead ass away, the doctor tells Emmett that there's nothing that he can do for Abby. Well when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Emmett decides to man up and... call his dad and beg him to come home from his business trip early.

Lucky for Emmett, Dr. Williams has no problem accommodating his son's lack of a backbone.

At Dr. Williams' urging, Emmett takes Abby to the hospital for some tests. After a montage of all sorts of medical machinery, the doctor emerges to let Emmett know there's nothing medically wrong with Abby. The next step, the doctor explains, is to have a psychiatrist look at her. After that, all that's left to do is summon a priest, have that priest die of a heart attack, get the demon to possess the backup priest, then have that priest jump out a window. Oh, sorry, my mistake. I'm thinking of a totally different movie.

Abby's mom is adamant that there is nothing mentally wrong with her daughter. Of course there's nothing wrong with your daughter's brain, Mrs. Abby. She only suffered a complete change in personality coupled with a series of violent outbursts that have left one old woman dead and one preacher severely embarrassed. Maybe she just has the gout.

The doctor convinces the two of them to leave Abby for the weekend. Emmett goes to tell Abby the news.

Uh oh, looks like her gout is flaring up again! In her demon voice, Abby tells Emmett to let Dr. Williams know that she (he?) will be waiting for him. It's on, now!

William Marshall is... The Blaxorcist!

Abby decides to check herself out in preparation for her showdown with Dr. Williams. She shouldn't have a problem doing so, seeing as she's not really sick, but the hospital has had enough of her walking around, shoving everyone she meets. Forget killing that old lady; now the demon is just being rude.

Meanwhile, Emmett goes to pick his dad up from the airport. On the way back to the house, he explains the strange shift in Abby's behavior, but it's hard to put such a dramatic transformation into words. Thankfully, Abby is there to demonstrate in person.

Abby tries groping Dr. Williams, but he rebuffs her advances. Now the demon is pissed. He declares that he's one of the orisha, a high order of demons in the Yoruba religion (according to Wikipedia). Dr. Williams is about to guess at which orisha is possessing his daughter-in-law when she takes off and... casts a spell that turns her home into a haunted house?

I don't know, maybe I'm just misinterpreting the scene. Abby steals Emmett's car while he and Dr. Williams struggle against the wind and the shakiness of the camera. Several times, Dr. Williams raises his arms and tries to invoke something religious, but to no avail. Finally, Emmett tries something different: he throws a cabinet through the window, climbs out said window, carjacks some poor woman, and goes driving after Abby. Of course, it's been several minutes since she took off, so the odds of him finding her are pretty slim.

Eventually, Emmett's fruitless search through downtown Louisville pays off when he stops to use a payphone. Before he can dial, he receives a call from Abby, or rather from the demon possessing her. No real reason for the call; the demon just wanted to taunt Emmett some more, and who can blame him? Emmett is a total puss who just keeps making bad decisions.

Speaking of Emmett's bad decisions, Abby's cop brother arrives at the house to see about Emmett's pending case of grand theft auto. In preparation for the inevitable exorcism, Dr. Williams slowly lays out what the audience already figured out long ago: When he opened the cock lock on that giant Tootsie Roll in Nigeria, he unleashed Eshu, the orisha of lust, and somehow, Eshu traveled all the way to Kentucky to possess his daughter-in-law. Now, it falls on them to extract the demon from Abby in such a way that they won't accidentally utter the name of any similar films featuring demons that have to be... "removed" from the people they inhabit by a church-mandated... "remover".

Thank goodness Emmett noticed some club music in the background when Abby called him, and thank goodness the night life in Louisville is so dead. That makes the search so much easier!

Man, it is so the 70s in there.

Abby is indeed clubbing it up in some unnamed nightclub. Based on the lighting scheme, I'm guessing it's called "The Heat Lamp". Anyway, she spots Russell, the man from that couple she was counseling during an earlier demonic episode and sets to work right where she left off.

Abby is just a wee bit too strong coming onto poor Russell, so he offers to drive her home. After a few more minutes of over-the-top flirting, he reconsiders, and they head to Makeout Point like a couple of horny teenagers.

Russell seems into it for a while. Not as into it as Abby, but that's asking the impossible. Eventually, though, Abby gets sick of him and starts talking in her demon voice again. I'm beginning to think that no one can hear it but the audience, because Russell has no reaction to the noticeable change in her voice. He finally makes one mistake too many when Abby's giggling and slaps drive him to exclaim, "Jesus!" Abby lays into him.

That is some furious dry humping, people.

Elsewhere, Emmett and Cass are checking out all the wrong bars. The odds of them finding Abby increase as she travels back to the same bar to pick up yet another victim.

I hate this guy already. Don't you hate him, too? Just look at him. That is what a man looks like when he has nothing important to say or do. That's a man who's just going to say something stupid and act like a jackass with his shitty haircut and porn mustache. God, the fucking 70s!

He tries to impress Abby by doing an impression of Edward G. Robinson, if Edward G. Robinson had a stroke. The demon inhabiting Abby isn't picky, though, so he'll do. Instead of driving off to another secluded makeout spot/corpse dumping location, the sleazy cracker manages to secure a room at the club.

Meanwhile, Emmett and Cass are still on the wrong track, checking out every possible bar in the city accompanied by an instrumental version of the song you heard earlier, which is fast becoming this movie's version of Tubular Bells.

Also, Dr. Williams is prepping for the exorci- demon extraction! Yes, he's going to get rid of that demon, and in such a way that no one need be accused of plagiarism.

There's still plenty more Abby madness to see!
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