COUNT POP: OOOO! LOOK! THESE LADIES WITH THE
FOREIGN ACCENTS HAVE BIKES TO RIDE ON! DEAREST FOREIGN LADIES WITH THE
FOREIGN ACCENTS FROM A FOREIGN LAND, WHERE OH WHERE DID YOU GET THESE
BIKES TO TRANSPORT YOUR FOREIGN SELVES ON? I HOPE THEY'RE FROM A LOCAL
PLACE AND NOT YOUR FOREIGN HOME COUNTRIES!
FOREIGN
LADIES
(translated): "WAFFLES AND BEER STEINS CAN BE FOUND OVER THAT WAY!
BE SURE TO FROLIC IN THE FJORDS AND BUY A SOUVENIR EIFFEL TOWER WHILE YOU
TAKE A TOUR ON THE ZEPPELIN BLIMP AND YOU ENJOY THE SCENIC VIEWS OF THE
ICELANDIC LANDSCAPES!"
COUNT POP: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU FOREIGN
LADIES REALLY JUST SAID BUT I AM QUITE SURE THAT YOUR FINGERS ARE POINTING
US TO A NEARBY LAND FILLED WITH MANY BICYCLE-RENTAL JOYS!
COUNT POP: A BIKE FOR TWO! OUR DREAMS COULD
NOT BECOME MORE AWESOMELY TRUE! WELL MAYBE IF WE COULD WEAR JET-PACKS
WHILE RIDING THE BIKE, BUT I THINK THE EXHAUST FUMES WOULD BURN YOU TO A
CRISP AND THAT WOULD DEFINITELY BE LIKE FEEDING OUR DATE A WOEFUL KNUCKLE
SANDWICH!
COUNT POP: IT'S TOO BAD THAT THESE BIKES
DON'T COME EQUIPPED WITH A RADIO THAT PLAYS THE DOUBLE-MINT GUM THEME SONG
WHILE YOU PEDDLE, BECAUSE IT WAS
ALWAYS PEOPLE IN THOSE GUM COMMERCIALS WHO HAD THE BEST OF TIMES ON THESE
DOUBLE BIKES! CHEWING GUM AND RIDING DOUBLE BIKES IS THE ROCKABILLY WAY OF
LIFE!
COUNT POP: HELLO MISTER BABY BLUE JOGGING
SUIT! MIND IF WE TAG ALONG WITH YOU FOR A RIDE? EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T HAVE
A GREAT DOUBLE BIKE LIKE US, WE WILL STILL BE YOUR FRIENDS 'TIL THE END!
COUNT POP: HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING! OH I GET
IT, YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE SPEED RACER GUYS! WELL IF I DIDN'T HAVE A LADY PRESENT,
I WOULD LAY A PATCH AND SPEED ON PAST YOU, BUT I MUST KEEP HER SAFE BECAUSE SHE HAS A
BEAUTIFUL HAIRDO AND THE HIGH VELOCITIES OF MY POWER PEDDLING WOULD MOST
DEFINITELY RUIN IT AND MAKE HER ONE SAD HEPCAT! YOU WIN THIS TIME MISTER
BLUE JOGGING SUIT LANCE ARMSTRONG! WE SHALL MEET AGAIN! RIGHT ON!
COUNT POP: REMEMBER KIDS! SMOKEY THE BEAR
SAYS ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES, BUT POLLUTEY THE DOLPHIN SAYS ONLY
YOU CAN PREVENT SEA SLUDGE! NO DUMPING IN THE OCEAN UNLESS YOU HAVE A
JUMBO SIZED CAN OF TETRA FISH FOOD FLAKES THAT YOU WANT TO GET RID OF!
THEN IT'S AOK BY ME!
COUNT POP: WE'LL GO SHOPPING IN JUST ONE
MOMENT MY LOVE! BUT FIRST I MUST PARTAKE IN SOME WATER - THE SOOTHING
NECTAR OF NATURE! SURE, IT'S BEING PUMPED THROUGH RUSTY PIPES THAT ARE
MOST LIKELY CARRYING ALL SORTS OF DISEASES AND IT'S WARMER THAN THE SAND
BENEATH OUR FEET... BUT SOMEHOW IT STILL REALLY HITS THE SPOT!
COUNT POP: KNOCK. KNOCK.
POP BRIDE:
WHO'S THERE?
COUNT POP: BOOGIE BOARD!
POP BRIDE: BOOGIE BOARD WHO?
COUNT POP: INTERGALACTIC SPACE DOLPHINS
BOOGIE BOARD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW
DOLPHINS COULD SWIM THROUGH THE GALAXIES! IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOUR
BLOWHOLE SPURT WATER.
POP BRIDE: OOOOOOOOHHH! PRETTY EARRINGS! I
THINK I'LL TRY ON A FEW PAIRS!
*WHAT FEELS LIKE 40 HOURS
LATER*
(BUT IS REALLY LESS
THAN 2
MINUTES)
COUNT POP: OH COME
ON!
WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR LIKE A BAJILLION YEARS NOW! THIS IS MORE BORING THAN
LISTENING TO MUSIC THAT DOESN'T JUMP, JIVE AND WAIL! LET'S GO LOOK AT THE
FUN THINGS THAT PUT SMILES ON PEOPLE'S FACES, NOT THE THINGS THAT MAKE
THEM GROW OLD AND KNIT SWEATERS FOR THEIR GRANDCHILDREN! HOP TO IT!
COUNT POP: HOLY GUACAMOLE! NOW THAT'S THE
KINDA SHOPPING I'M TALKING ABOUT! WHAT SAY YOU TRY ON AN AMERICAN FLAG
BIKINI AND CELEBRATE THIS COUNTRY'S FREEDOM TO BE HOPPIN' AND A BOPPIN' IN
THE BUFF!
COUNT POP: THE PEOPLE ON VENICE BEACH LIKE
THEIR HEALTHY FOODS! CORN DOGS, WHEATGRASS SHAKES, ICEE SLUSHY TREATS, AND
COCAINE-FILLED YOGURT! I HEARD THAT THE COCAINE WILL SUPPOSEDLY HELP ME
FIND MY THIRD EYE THAT ALL THE HEPCAT FORTUNE-TELLERS ON THE SIDEWALK
ALWAYS TELL ME ABOUT! MAYBE I'LL TRY THAT LATER ON IF MY EYES GO BAD, BUT
IF YOU ASK ME, MY VISION IS ALREADY OUT OF SIGHT!
COUNT POP: NOW HERE'S A GREAT WAY FOR ALL YOU
GUYS TO IMPRESS A DATE! WALK DOWN THE STREET AND HAVE THE TV STATIONS AND
MEDIA HORDE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A FAMOUS SUPERSTAR AROUND THE WORLD! OF
COURSE, YOU HAVE TO BECOME A FAMOUS SUPERSTAR AROUND THE WORLD FIRST, JUST
LIKE COUNT POP, BUT AFTER THAT IT'S SMOOTH SAILING!
VERY
REPUTABLE NEWS GUY:
SO COUNT POP, HAVING CONQUERED THE WORLD OF ENTERTAINMENT, AND CLEARLY
SCORING THE HOTTEST HAUNTED HALLOWEEN BABE ON THE PLANET, WHAT ARE YOUR
PLANS FOR THE FUTURE?
COUNT POP: WELL KIP - I MEAN, I ASSUME YOUR
NAME IS KIP SINCE MOST NEWS GUYS HAVE GREAT SPEEDY NAMES LIKE "KIP" AND "GORT"
AND "REX" AND "BALTHAZAR" - I THINK I'M GONNA CONTINUE TO ROCK, ROCK
AROUND THE CLOCK ALL NIGHT!
VERY
REPUTABLE NEWS GUY:
SOUNDS FANTASTIC! I'LL BE SURE TO JOIN YOUR FAN CLUB... TWICE!
COUNT POP: GREAT! I'LL EVEN WAIVE THE 2ND
MONTHLY MEMBERSHIP FEE SO YOU'LL ONLY HAVE TO PAY THE $10,000 ONCE!
VERY
REPUTABLE NEWS GUY:
GOLLY! THAT SOUNDS REALLY
SWELL! SO COUNT POP, CAN YOU HELP OUT OUR TV SHOW RATINGS BY DOING
SOMETHING THE WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN BEFORE?
COUNT POP: SURE! HOW'S THIS?
VERY
REPUTABLE NEWS GUY:
YOU TURNED YOUR FOOT ALL THE WAY AROUND! THAT'S THE MOST AMAZING THING I
HAVE EVER SEEN! BURY ME NOW, FOR I HAVE SEEN ALL THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER!
COUNT POP: HOORAY FOR LIFE! HOORAY FOR TWISTY
LEG ACTION! HOORAY FOR JELL-O! IT'S HAPPY HUG TIME!
COUNT POP: OK THAT WAS A GREAT GROUP HUG! BE
SURE TO TELL YOUR CAMERA GUY I SAID THANKS A LOT FOR WEARING A TIE-DYE SHIRT
DURING THIS FILM SHOOT BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT TO DRESS LIKE A TRUE PROFESSIONAL
SO PEOPLE TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY AS A REPUTABLE NEWS STATION! RIGHT? RIGHT ON!
