COUNT POP: HEY LOOK! I'M WALKIN' LIKE AN
EGYPTIAN! WELL I THINK THIS IS HOW THEY WALKED AT LEAST! I DON'T REMEMBER
THE BANGLES PERFORMING WITH ALL THEIR JIGGLY PARTS HANGING OUT THOUGH, BUT
MAYBE THAT'S HOW THEY GOT FAMOUS TO BEGIN WITH! I'D WALK LIKE A TOPLESS
EGYPTIAN, BUT I THINK I'D NEED TO GET SOME GROOVIN' IMPLANTS BEFORE I DID!
THAT'S OK THOUGH, COUNT POP LOVES HIS A-CUPS BECAUSE AN "A" IS THE BEST
GRADE YOU CAN GET ON YOUR REPORT CARD AND THEREFORE A-CUPS ARE THE BEST
KIND OF BOOBS YOU CAN HAVE TOO!
COUNT POP: HANDWRITTEN PRESCRIPTIONS FOR
MEDICAL MARIJUANA FROM RANDOM STRANGERS ARE TOTALLY LEGAL ON VENICE BEACH!
DO YOU KNOW ANY OTHER MEDICAL DOCTORS WHO TAKE THE TIME TO COME SEE THEIR
PATIENTS AT THE BEACH? THAT'S THE MAGIC AND GLORY OF HERBALOLOGY!
COUNT POP: I WISH I COULD CRAP MONEY LIKE THE
BUTTOCKS ON THIS T-SHIRT! THEN I
WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORK SO HARD AT BEING A SUPERSTAR! OH WHO AM I KIDDING? I
DON'T WORK HARD AT IT, IT JUST COMES NATURAL WHEN YOU'RE A ROCKABILLY
VAMPIRE FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS WITH A GUITAR AND A DREAM!
POP BRIDE: LOOOKEEE! I SPY A SPIDAH WITH MY
EYES!
COUNT POP: WAY TO GO, BABY BOO! SPIDERS KNOW HOW TO SPIN A WEB OF
FUN, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, BUT I'VE GOTTA GO WITH THIS "SPECIAL MISSION
ACTION SET" BECAUSE THAT'S ME! I'M ALWAYS ON A SPECIAL MISSION TO BRING
ACTION TO THE MASSES! ACTION, POODLE SKIRTS AND A ROCKIN' GOOD TIME!
COUNT POP: YES! THERE IS A GOD! A GOD WHO I
WILL FOREVER CALL "MR. AMERIPANTS" BECAUSE THESE ARE THE
GREATEST PANTS IN THE HISTORY OF PANTS! AND I SIGNED UP FOR A CLASS BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL CALLED "THE
HISTORY OF PANTS - AN AMERICAN LEGEND OF VALOR AND PRIDE" WHEN I WAS
KICKED OUT OF SHOP CLASS FOR BUILDING A SPEEDY HOT-ROD INSTEAD OF A LAMP -
SO I SHOULD KNOW! VENICE BEACH, YOU HAVE YOURSELF A SATISFIED CUSTOMER!
SOLD!
COUNT POP: GOODBYE GREY PANTS, HELLO RED,
WHITE AND BLUE! 'CAUSE NOTHIN CAN HOLD ME WHEN I WEAR YOU! IT FEELS SO
RIGHT, IT CAN'T BE WRONG, ROCKIN' AND ROLLIN' ALL WEEK LONG!
COUNT POP: THESE HAPPY PANTS ARE YOURS AND
MINE!
COUNT POP: I'M NOT TOO SURE WHAT REGGAE IS,
BUT IF IT HAS A ROCKIN' DRUMBEAT WITH HIGHLY ENERGETIC VOCALS, I'M SURE
THE KIDS WILL LOVE IT! REGGAE IS FOR CHILDREN, AND BENGAY IS FOR GROWN-UPS
WITH ACHES AND PAINS!
COUNT POP: I HAVE SEEN PEOPLE MADE OF
CHOCOLATE. I HAVE SEEN PEOPLE MADE OF PIZZA. I HAVE EVEN SEEN PEOPLE MADE
OF ROCK & ROLL ( LIKE ME!)... BUT UNTIL TODAY, I NEVER SAW ANYBODY MADE OUT OF
GOLD! HEY, IF HE IS THE GOLD MAN, WHY DOES HE NEED OUR DONATIONS? CAN'T HE
JUST MELT HIMSELF DOWN AND SELL HIMSELF FOR MONEY? IF I WAS MADE OF GOLD,
THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO! OH WELL, I STILL HAVE ENOUGH GOLD IN MY LIFE WITH
ALL OF MY SOLID GOLD HITS SUCH AS "BOOGIE 'TIL YOUR BONES FALL OFF",
"SHAKE YOUR SKULL" AND MANY MORE WHICH CAN BE FOUND ON MY GREATEST HITS
ALBUM FOR $606.79 (PLUS S&H)! I GUESS I CAN SPARE A LITTLE CASH TO TURN
OUR GOLD FRIEND ON. I JUST HOPE THE "TURN ME ON" SIGN IS A MEANS TO ACTIVATE
HIM AND NOT MAKE HIM ROMANTICALLY OBSESSED WITH ME, BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY
GOT A DATE!
GOLD MAN: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KA-POW!
COUNT POP: WHOAH! HE MOVED! I DIDN'T KNOW
ANYBODY COATED WITH METAL COULD MOVE! EXCEPT THAT "DESTRO" GUY FROM GI-JOE!
HE COULD ALWAYS TALK EVEN THOUGH HIS FACE WAS MADE OUT OF SILVER. MAYBE
THIS GUY IS HIS COUSIN? EITHER WAY, YOU'RE AOK IN MY BOOK, GOLD MAN!
COUNT POP: I AM NOT SURE WHAT THIS LADY'S
NAME WAS, BUT HER MUSIC WAS GREAT. I THINK HER BAND MIGHT BE CALLED
"ROCKABILLY HAIR EXPLOSION" OR "VENICE BEACH ELECTRIC BOOGALOO"!
GO FIND HER AND PUT ON HER HEADPHONES - YOU'LL HEAR SOME GROOVY GOOD MUSIC
AND THEY'LL KEEP YOUR EARS NICE AND TOASTY!
COUNT POP: ZOLTAR IS A MIGHTY WIZARD FROM
ANCIENT TIMES AND WHILE I THOUGHT ABOUT WISHING FOR HIM TO MAKE ME "BIG",
I REMEMBERED I'M ALREADY A BIG STAR ALL AROUND THE WORLD, SO I LET HIM
GIVE MY SUPER LADY A FORTUNE INSTEAD!
COUNT POP: AFTER SOME MYSTICAL INCANTATIONS
AND WIZARDISH SPELL SPEAKINGS, ZOLTAR MADE THAT LIL' FORTUNE SKEEDADDLE
ITS WAY OUT OF THE MACHINE AND INTO OUR WELCOMING AND AWESTRUCK ARMS!
COUNT POP: AND ALL ALONG I THOUGHT HAPPINESS
WAS LIKE "INTERGALACTIC SPACE DOLPHINS" - TURNS OUT IT'S LIKE A SUNBEAM!
EITHER WAY WE HAVE AND WILL CONTINUE TO ENJOY THIS VERY DAY. THANK
YOU ZOLTAR, THANK YOU FOR YOUR WISDOM AND FOR SPREADING GOOD FORTUNE
INSTEAD OF STD'S!
COUNT POP: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT THIS
LEMONADE IS LIKE HAVING A BUNCH OF ICE COLD PENGUINS SLIDE DOWN MY
ESOPHAGUS AND TURNING MY STOMACH ACIDS INTO A SOOTHING POOL OF COOL
MOUNTAIN WATER!
POP BRIDE: LEMONS ARE YUMMAY IN MAH TUMMAY
AND NOT FRIGHTENING LIKE THE MUMMAY!
COUNT POP: DON'T WORRY, IF THERE IS EVER A
MUMMY IN YOUR TUMMY, I'LL SCARE HIM AWAY WITH MY FEARSOME FISTICUFFS!
COUNT POP: I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THAT POT
OF GOLD AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW ALL MY LIFE, BUT IT TURNS OUT THERE IS
NO POT OF GOLD! THERE IS SOMETHING MUCH BETTER! IT'S A MAN MADE OF
RAINBOWS - OR AT LEAST HUNDREDS, IF NOT THOUSANDS OF RAINBOW-COLORED
BEADS! HIS PANTS ALMOST RIVAL THE FANTASTICNESS OF MINE. ALMOST!
SKITTLES - TASTE THE RAINBOW MAN!
COUNT POP: CAUTION! THIS MANNEQUIN LIKES TO
RUB HER BUTTOCKS AGAINST THE METAL RAILINGS OF VENICE BEACH! PLEASE
PROCEED WITH EXTREME BEACH BUTT BONGO BOPPIN' CAUTION!