by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

YOU CAN BUY LIVE GRENADES AT THE ROSE BOWL FLEA MARKET! I DIDN'T BUY THIS GRENADE BECAUSE THE SELLER WOULDN'T LET ME TEST IT OUT BY THROWING IT INTO THE CROWDS! NO SALE! IT'S A SHAME, BUT I WAS REALLY IN THE MARKET FOR A BAZOOKA ANYWAY! I CAN BUY GRENADES ANYWHERE, LIKE AT THE POST OFFICE AND LOCAL CHURCH BAKE-OFFS!

CLASSIC WWF ACTION FIGURES! CAPTAIN LOU ALBANO DOESN'T HAVE ANY RUBBER BANDS AND THE OTHER FIGURE HAD HIS NIPPLES BIT OFF! WHO BIT OFF HIS NIPPLES!? I'LL HIRE A PRIVATE DETECTIVE AND GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS MYSTERY! THEN THEY'LL WRITE ABOUT IT IN A NEW HARDY BOYS BOOK FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS TO ENJOY! BUT FOR NOW, LET'S DO A FLYING KICK OFF THE TOP ROPE TOWARDS MORE FLEA MARKET MAYHEM!

KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE, LEND ME YOUR EARS! TODAY WE SET OUT TO KILL GOLBORTH, THE EVIL DRAGON WIZARD MAGE FROM KENTUCKYONIA! HE'S A FORMIDABLE OPPONENT WITH MAN O' WAR JELLYFISH FOR TEETH, LAVA FOR EYES, BARBED WIRE FOR SKIN, AND POISON CHAPSTICK FOR A NOSE. BUT IF YOU PLACE YOUR FAITH AND COURAGE IN ME, TOGETHER WE CAN SLAY THIS BEASTLY BEAST FROM THE EAST AND THEN WE SHALL FEAST IN CELEBRATION OF OUR GLORIOUS VICTORY WITH SALTED PORK AND MEED AND ALE AND COTTON CANDY RIGHT OFF THE BONE! SO FIGHT ON, MY BRAVE WARRIORS OF POP! FIGHT ON! DEEPEST, BLUEST, MY HAT IS LIKE A SHARK'S FIN!

AALIYAH! I'LL NEVER FORGET OUR FIRST TOUR TOGETHER! YOU WILL BE MISSED AND MAY BE THE "QUEEN OF THE DAMNED" TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC, BUT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE THE PRINCESS OF R&B AND PB&J TO ME!

BATMAN IS AN AMERICAN HERO EVEN IF THIS FIGURE WAS BOOTLEGGED IN MEXICO, MADE IN CHINA, SOLD IN GREENLAND, AUCTIONED IN UKRAINE, AND FINALLY IMPORTED INTO THE UNITED STATES. NANANANANANANANA BATMAN!

SUPERMAN FLYING BINGO IS FUN, BUT IT'S REALLY HARD TO PLAY WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING WHILE FLYING THROUGH THE SKIES! I HAVE TO TURN INTO A VAMPIRE POP BAT JUST TO BE ABLE TO PLAY IT!

BRIDE BINGO IS HARD FOR ME TO PLAY TOO! I HAVE TO TURN INTO A VAMPIRE POP BRIDE JUST TO BE ABLE TO PLAY IT! WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PEOPLE ENJOYING A PLAIN OLD GAME OF BINGO WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED? ALL YOU KOOKY KIDS WANT TOO MANY COMPLICATIONS IN YOUR LIVES THESE DAYS! KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY BINGO BODIES!

HEY EVERYBODY! I'M THROWING A PARTY, A MASTER'S OF THE UNIVERSE HALLOWEEN PARTY, AND YOU'RE ALL INVITED! I KNOW ZODAC BLOWOUTS AREN'T AS PREFERABLE AS SOME OF THE MORE POPULAR CHARACTERS, BUT I LIKE ZODAC! DID I MENTION IT'S A COSTUME PARTY TOO? YOU HAVE TO COME DRESSED AS YOUR FAVORITE HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE CHARACTER, BUT SOME CHARACTERS ARE NOT ALLOWED. YOU CANNOT DRESS AS HE-MAN, SKELETOR, TEELA, BEAST MAN, TRAP JAW, BATTLE CAT, PRINCE ADAM, ORKO, STINKOR, MOSS MAN, CRINGER... IN SHORT, THE ONLY CHARACTER YOU CAN DRESS AS IS ZODAC! BUT HE'S YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER FROM THE SERIES ANYWAY, SO IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT TIME! A GIANT PARTY OF HALLOWEEN ZODACS!

TIPPY TUMBLES! THIS IS WHAT ALL OF COUNT POP'S LADY FANS DO WHEN THEY SEE HIM WALKING THEIR WAY! THERE ARE EASIER WAYS OF GETTING MY ATTENTION LADIES, LIKE OFFERING ME A TASTY GRILLED CHEESE SAMMICH OR SEWING ME A JET-POWERED SPORTS CAR!

DID YOU KNOW THAT ALL BAYWATCH LIFE GUARDS HAVE TO BE TRAINED TO RIDE JET SKIS? THEY TRAIN IN THE CENTER OF ACTIVE VOLCANOS WHILE FIGHTING OFF KILLER BEES AS BIG BOPPER'S "CHANTILLY LACE" PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND! IF THEY SURVIVE, THEY GET TO EAT HAMBURGERS WITH DAVID HASSELHOFF IN GERMANY AND WATCH KNIGHT RIDER RE-RUNS FOR THREE YEARS STRAIGHT BEFORE THEY EVEN HAVE TO REPORT FOR LIFE GUARDING DUTY! THE PATH TO BAYWATCHDOM IS LONG AND HARD, BUT FOR THE PROUD FEW, THE REWARDS LAST A LIFETIME! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE BAY AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!

DID YOU KNOW THEY MADE SOME SEGA GAMES ON PLANET SATURN? NEITHER DID I, BUT THERE THEY WERE! I WAS HOPING THEY'D HAVE SOME MOON ROCKS AND METEORITES FOR SALE TOO, BUT NO SUCH LUCK. I TESTED TO SEE IF GAMES FROM SATURN TASTE THE SAME AS GAMES FROM EARTH AND THEY DO, ONLY THEY HAVE A COATING OF DUST ON THEIR OUTER SHELLS. SPACE DUST! SOME PEOPLE WOULD PAY GOOD MONEY TO INGEST SPACE DUST, BUT I GOT IT FOR FREE AT THE ROSE BOWL FLEA MARKET!

REN & STIMPY? NO! REN & REN? YES! THIS IS WHY COUNT POP IS AGAINST CLONING, BECAUSE THE WORLD CANNOT HANDLE TWO GREAT THINGS AT ONCE, AND NEITHER CAN THE CLONES! JUST IMAGINE IF THERE WERE TWO COUNT POPS! WE'D BE AT WAR WITH EACH OTHER OVER WHO WOULD TOP THE POP CHARTS AND WHO WOULD COOK THE POP TARTS! THE ONLY WAY WE COULD COEXIST WOULD TO LIVE IN ALTERNATE DIMENSIONS, BUT THEN A CRAZY OLD SCIENTIST GUY NAMED WALTER WOULD TRY TO BRING US TO THE OTHER SIDE AND WE'D HAVE TO HANG OUT WITH FRINGE DIVISION INVESTIGATORS ALL THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT INEXPLICABLE CASES WHERE SOME BALD GUY IN A BUSINESS SUIT ALWAYS SEEMS TO POP UP AND MY SCHEDULE IS JUST TOO BUSY FOR THAT! THERE'S ONLY ONE COUNT POP AND THERE SHOULD BE ONLY ONE REN, AND WE BOTH EXIST IN THIS DIMENSION!

GUESS WHAT? I INSPIRED ANDY WARHOL'S ARTISTIC STYLE! IT'S TRUE! HE ALWAYS CREDITED HIS FAME IN THE WORLD OF ART TO COUNT POP. I'M JUST HAPPY I COULD HELP THE GUY OUT, BECAUSE IF I HADN'T, HE PROBABLY WOULD'VE ENDED UP FOR SALE HERE AT THE FLEA MARKET. YOU CAN BUY PEOPLE HERE, YOU KNOW. NOT EVERYBODY FOR SALE IS A MANNEQUIN, SOME OF THEM ARE REAL PEOPLE! SOME MANNEQUINS CAN BECOME REAL PEOPLE TOO, JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIE MANNEQUIN AND THE EVEN MORE STELLAR SEQUEL, MANNEQUIN 2: ON THE MOVE! WHENEVER I SEE A MANNEQUIN, I TALK TO IT FOR HOURS ON END JUST BECAUSE THERE MIGHT BE SOMEBODY IN THERE WHO'S VERY LONELY. YOU SHOULD TOO! BE SURE TO LET THE POPSTER KNOW IF THE MANNEQUINS EVER SAY ANYTHING BACK TO YOU!

Oh but there's still much more!
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