Features

Crying With The Women Of Comic-Con!
by: Max Burbank

...CONTINUED

Okay, this is the Lois Lane with superpowers costume from one single issue of All Star Superman.
I knew that. That totally made me cry.

Delerium. From Sandman. Chick shaved half her head to make this work. That's commitment. It actually made me cry a little.

This is, what, the Baroness? From G I Joe? I think? I know shit all nothing about G I Joe except they were bigger when I was a kid and they had life like hair and kung fu grip. And here was this woman who'd put so much effort into a costume that could only appreciate in the most crude, sensory way and it was all so unfair I think I may have cried a little.

Batgirl, no cowl. Hadda be from that Birds of Prey TV show that ran, what, three episodes, none of which I ever saw, and since she's Batgirl and not Oracle, I gotta assume this get up is from some kind of flashback episode that for all I know might never have even aired. Television is one damn cruel medium. I cried.

It was the end of the day, I was very tired and then there were these two showgirls and I didn't get it and I'm like 'Don't take a picture, don't take a picture' and FLASH! Picture taken. And I'm crying. Look we all have a human side, okay? I can't be on for you people all the time.

Okay, this chick seriously hurt me, all right? Jesus.
I'm one of those weak, weak people who happen to cry when they get hurt. Big damn deal.

She was totally putting a hoodoo on me and I didn't expect it and I guess maybe I cried.

Oh, like this wouldn't make you cry!

Golden age Silk Specter?! You're damn right I cried! What am I, made of stone?

Look, the Phoenix character is completely ABOUT mortality. I'm a middle aged man. I cried.

Okay the truth is Cat Woman does it for me even more than Wonder Woman. Now you know. I hope you're happy. Christ.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?! THEY WERE GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!

I totally wasn't going to cry and then fucking Green Lantern gives me the hairy eyeball.
What the fuck, man, it's just a fucking picture. Cool off.

Everyone my age cries over slave girl Leia.

I think we've already established that if I get to confused, I kind of cry sometimes.

I won't lie. I thought they were gonna get me.

Okay, this chick Robin was fine, she didn't hit me or anything, but you don't have to be Pavlov's Dog to be conditioned, all right? After that first time, I see a chick robin, I burst into tears. It's PTSD.

The Baroness. You got me. I don't know. I just cried.

This character is from the last Season of Angel, which got cancelled WAY to soon and that still makes me mad.
Mad enough to cry? Yes.

Harley Quinn? Didn't even notice. I would have but I was crying too much 'cause of the Catwoman.
It's like, psychological. I totally can't help it.

Jade as seen be Alex Ross for Kingdom Come. Eatin' a hot dog. THAT made me cry.

Who even IS this? Am I supposed to know? I'm so TIRED!

In this picture, a woman dressed as Warbird (Ms. Marvel) elicits tears.

I DON'T KNOW WHO THIS IS, I DON'T KNOW WHO THIS IS, I CAN'T TAKE IT!!

Zattana has been one of my favorites since I was, like, seven. Thinking of my lost, wasted youth, I cried.

By the time I ran into this Poison Ivy I was crying pretty much non stop.

What can I say? BIG Firefly fan. Big. Total friggin' tragedy to have that show cancelled after one season.
Any reminder makes me howl like a toddler.

WHO, WHO, WHO IS SHE SUPPOSED TO BE DAMNIT!?

OH GOD, WONDER WOMAN!!!

LEELOO!! LOOK AT HER!! LOOK AT HER, SHE'S PERFECT!! COME ON!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH-UNDER-WAAAAAHHHHH-OMAN!!!
SHE'S SO CUTE AND LITTLE AND... AND...
I need a moment. Don't look at me.

DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Email Max Burbank

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:


I-Mockery's HUGE 2009 San Diego Comic-Con Photo Album!

Reader Comments

OH GOD
Nov 9th, 2009, 05:49 AM
oh sweet fancy lord jesus what a thing of beauty
Clap if you love Dynamo
Nov 9th, 2009, 08:18 AM
At least you got emotional release. So you have that going for you, which is nice.
Enginseer
Nov 9th, 2009, 08:51 AM
Could this be the new fetish that will soon be gaining popularity?
Forum Virgin
Nov 9th, 2009, 09:31 AM
It's ok that you cried Max, you got a bit emotional with all beauty of it. As a woman its ok for me to cry, we do that some times, but as a man it was you saying "Thats right world, I was brought to tears and i dont care who knows about it." It means you have balls Max, big balls.
Member
Nov 9th, 2009, 11:01 AM
Fortunately, the kid Wonder Woman didn't kick you in the nuts too.
Amicable Herculean
Nov 9th, 2009, 11:10 AM
Amazing. I'll never look at comic-con the same way again.
Forum Virgin
Nov 9th, 2009, 01:07 PM
the green lantern's hairy eyeball is classic

and the fact that firefly got canceled should be enough to bring anybody to tears
after enough bourbon ...
Nov 9th, 2009, 02:14 PM
Sweet Jesus. How did you make it out alive, Max?
aint nobody
Nov 9th, 2009, 03:18 PM
oooo,Shelly Martinez as Wonder Woman
was never good
Nov 9th, 2009, 03:27 PM
oh god i have that same exact house of voodoo shirt, but in color.
i cried because of that.
Sam Sam is offline
The Unicorn
Nov 9th, 2009, 04:14 PM
I'm glad I'm not the only person who knew that Wonder Woman was Shelly Martinez
Sloth, PhD
Nov 9th, 2009, 05:09 PM
Welcome to every day of my life...
Forum Virgin
Nov 9th, 2009, 06:19 PM
Firefly and Angel were definitely cancelled way too early.
The Goddamned Batman
Nov 9th, 2009, 07:05 PM
I've been waiting to see this thing for months. It didn't disappoint. I got a little teary-eyed about it, I don't mind telling ya.
after enough bourbon ...
Nov 9th, 2009, 08:03 PM
My one and two year olds were playing their favorite game - dueling hissy fits - while mommy is away on business. My face resembled yours in photo #14.
I hate this hacker crap!
Nov 9th, 2009, 08:21 PM
"I'd just found out a bottle of water at Comic-Con was four bucks, and I was thirsty."



This whole article makes me sad and laugh
Stuff
Nov 9th, 2009, 08:42 PM
This is beautiful.
An Arizona Horror Company
Nov 9th, 2009, 10:13 PM
Holy hell this is awesome. Max, I've always loved your rants and essays and reviews-gone-insane-and-shot-to-hell, but a photo essay from you is flash-fried and flavor-injected with awesome. More, please, more more more!

And as far as the costumes go....Catwoman and Mrs. Lovett FTW.
Basement Monkey
Nov 9th, 2009, 10:15 PM
Funny stuff Max I loved it.
Fanboy
Nov 9th, 2009, 11:28 PM
I weep with you. Truly. Some of the costumes induced a paroxysm of sheer lachrymosity.

And you never saw the Batgirl flashback on BoP, Max? Look it up on Youtube, that'll cheer you no end.
Member
Nov 9th, 2009, 11:30 PM
Excellent collection of pics, Max! I think the only comment that I have is that the gal you thought was Baroness was (unless they wigged with her more than I know in the movie) actually Magdelena, from Top Cow comics.
Kat Kat is offline
Breathes Comics
Nov 9th, 2009, 11:39 PM
That last picture is easily my favorite.
taco loving zombie
Nov 10th, 2009, 12:27 AM
you have a really7 funny crying face max great pictures and article
grants but one wish
Nov 10th, 2009, 01:46 AM
it's been far too long max!
The best...around
Nov 10th, 2009, 11:49 AM
Howled with laughter. Move over lolcats, it's time for crying with pretty women.
pickled
Nov 10th, 2009, 03:10 PM
That Princess Leia's arm fat would have made me cry too.
Member
Nov 11th, 2009, 02:28 PM
omg george wasn't lying when he told me about you.

I think this is the funniest thing I've read in a while.

Its okay to cry max, you don't have to explain yourself to us.

(but i'm glad you did)
pij pij is offline
Forum Virgin
Nov 11th, 2009, 03:44 PM
The fact that Max Burbank isn't a mega millionaire comedy superstar makes me cry.
The Moxie Nerve Food Tonic
Nov 11th, 2009, 04:25 PM
Yeah, I have the exact same reaction. Any of you all got any money I can have?
Forum Virgin
Nov 11th, 2009, 11:00 PM
I thought that "own patented character" chick was Nina from Tekken. But I guess not.
Smooth Operator
Nov 12th, 2009, 02:10 PM
Jesus Christ Max, I've missed you're writing. In fact I'm not afraid to admit that I laughed so hard that I cried.
Forum Virgin
Nov 12th, 2009, 04:34 PM
#19 is definitely my favorite! You do the same lower lip thing my girlfriend does when she starts crying!
i will let you down
Nov 12th, 2009, 09:38 PM
did you have fun in san diego?

thank you again for being the funniest person i admire.
Pickled Patriarch
Nov 13th, 2009, 01:16 AM
He didn't have fun at all. I spent a ton of money on getting this nice booth set up so we could all share our work with the public, and Max just sat there crying for all four and a half days. Talk about a total downer. Oh sure, he does this funny article showing him crying with the women of Comic-Con, but the truth is that he was crying the entire time.
The Moxie Nerve Food Tonic
Nov 13th, 2009, 08:09 AM
I have me some allergies.
OH GOD
Nov 13th, 2009, 06:31 PM
to happiness
Supa Soviet Missil Mastar
Nov 13th, 2009, 08:47 PM
I think I can see you laughing in a few of those.
Member
Nov 13th, 2009, 09:29 PM
Kitty Pryde was Jewish too! Huh? Remember? Sprite? Ah, ya damn kids with your music...
Master of Awesome Sauce!
Nov 15th, 2009, 11:41 PM
Uh... Kitty Pryde IS Shadowcat...

That said, Great Article Max!
Can't touch this
Nov 16th, 2009, 03:55 AM
I think the one picture is the young lady from Space Channel 5
GET OUT
Nov 17th, 2009, 11:29 AM
:D ;_;
Member
Nov 20th, 2009, 06:53 PM
Before I read the captions, I thought he was weeping about the stereotyping of women in popular culture or something.

Click here to return to the Features homepage