The members in your posse says that tunnels remind him of where he used to store the bodies he “acquired,” and he immediately gets too homesick to continue digging. You then try to pole-vault over the walls of the prison. Unfortunately, you learn that the prison had to remove all the pole-vaulting equipment after another inmate, attempting to vault over the wall, sprained his ankle and sued the prison. Finally, on the third day, it dawns on you. You don’t know why you didn’t think of it before; it was so obvious: build an airplane out of the plastic utensils the cafeteria gives out! With a plan like this, how could you possibly fail?

Work begins at dinner. After consuming your scrumptious dinner of wheat bread, skim milk, and a jellybean that was stuck to the tray, you stuff the utensils into your pants and walk back to your cell. Aside from some minor cuts and pokes to your various below-the-belt sensitive areas, the plan works perfectly. After only a week, you and the other inmates have gathered enough to start building the plane.

"Ok, hop in, Ed."

You manage to complete the plane in only a week, thanks in part to the aerospace engineer convicted of treason. It’s entirely white, it runs on a mixture of dead rats and cigarettes brewed in your cell’s toilet, and it comfortably seats four convicts. Plus, the engineer informs you that even if the party doesn’t go well, you can always leave the country and lie low with his “clients” in Iraq. Things are finally starting to look up again. Tomorrow, you escape from prison, have a incredible Halloween party, and the day after that, start discussing a possible book deal.

The next morning, you make the final checks on the plane, your crew fills the tank with your special fuel, and all the while, the guards just look on, dumbfounded. Once everything is ready to go, everyone climbs into the plane and waves goodbye to the still confused guards. You were worried that you wouldn’t be able to get the plane off the ground since you have no flight experience, aside from jumping off the roof of your house as a child, but you find a suitable pilot in Ahmed, a man who, while not an actual terrorist, was convicted last year of "being an Arab man who is also a certified pilot."

Everything is going just fine during the take-off until one of the convicts sees that Johnny Cash is performing a special Halloween concert. He squeals with joy and tries to leap from the moving plane. Unfortunately, he leaps right into the left propeller. He is chopped thoroughly, and the engine catches fire. The plane is skidding down the runway that you made by drawing lines in the dirt with some chalk you make by drying out some skim milk. Ahmed takes it off the ground, but not enough the clear the massive wall in front of you. The plane smashes into the wall and explodes. You fall down, down, down, and flames rise higher. And it burns, burns, burns.

NOW THAT YOU'RE CHARCOAL BLACK LIKE MY CLOTHES,
START OVER!