"OF COURSE HE WAS!"

You try to blackmail the Keebler elf with threats of unveiling the sperm count in their cookies. The elf just laughs his ass off and busts out a chart demonstrating the dramatic increase of sperm in Keebler products.

"You idiot! I tell the elves to jerk-off in the icing! Why? Because our customers request it!" the elf shouts.

You are dumbfounded by the shocking news that Keebler products are produced for that little known niche market of twisted, sperm-chomping cookie fanatics.

"In fact, how about we give you a sample of our fine cookie icing!" he laughs manically.

Before you can even try to turn-down his offer, you're surrounded by 50 elves, all with their pants dropped. Now, you may not have volunteered to become the centerpiece of a circle-jerk, but there you are... drowning in a pool of elf semen. Yeah, I guess you could say you've seen better days.

START OVER, SPERMY!