"I'll swallow your soul! Tee Hee!"
You decide to go with
the “Scary Teddy pastel cloud of enchanted rainbows” option because
those were the things that you were scared of most when you were a kid.
A few days after you place your order at the shop, a package full of
adorable, brightly-colored characters arrives at your house, and you
decorate, assured that this will be your greatest Halloween party ever,
or at the very least a far cry from last year’s Horrors of the Lunchroom
For a while, everything seems to be going well. Your guests seem to be
sufficiently scared, although whether they’re scared of the decorations
or of the weirdo who put up the decorations has yet to be determined.
Things take a turn for the worst an hour into the “party.” As you are
trying out all of your best cliché one-liners on a woman dressed as
Clarice from Silence of the Lambs, one of your guests inadvertently
bumps into one of your Carebear lamps, and the combination of the heat
from the lamp and the ultra-flammable Big Bird costume turns him into a
human torch. He frantically races about and slips in a puddle of vomit
from a guest that stared at the Rainbow Brite picture for too long.
Flames leap up and onto the medley of pastel-colored tissue paper
hanging all over the place.
Within seconds, the entire floor of the house is ablaze. You deftly leap
onto a pair of guests costumed as a horse and ride them to safety.
Unfortunately, your house is quickly burning to the ground, and the
local fire department doesn’t have the chemicals needed to put out fires
involving notoriously toxic Disney paraphernalia. On a positive note,
you have an insurance policy from a very strange insurance company that
covers such a cuteness-related fire. Unfortunately, the policy only pays
in circus peanuts. Anyway, nobody liked your party except for a few of
the teenagers who were just there for the free beer.
OVER, YOU IDIOT!