"YOU CHOSE... POORLY!"

You go with Carrot Top. I mean, come on, his early standup wasn’t that bad. He had all kinds of hilarious props and everything. Plus, he’s only done a few harmless collect call commercials. Of course, you did see those commercials eighty times today when you were watching TV at home, and ten more times as you walked to the shop. Still, he couldn’t possibly be as bad as someone like Britney Spears, right?

WRONG!!!

Soon after indicating your choice, you hear an unmistakable, nasal voice emanating from the pumpkin.

"Hey buddy, how do you like my new look?
I guess you can call me Pumpkin Top now!”

As soon as he tells the awful joke, you feel your ears start to tingle. He follows up with a second, even more irritating remark, this time incorporating one of those cheap toys he uses in his act to make a despicable pun. You are about to groan, but instead you find yourself screaming as the friction from the grating pun ignites your ears. His next remark is lost on you, as the unfortunate ear fire has deafened you. You collapse, thanking your deity of choice that you can’t hear any more of his damnable “material.” Perhaps if you had remembered that god-awful movie that starred Carrot Top, you would have realized that he was far from the least evil in the group.

“Wow, guess he should have remembered to dial down the middle! So how about you, Mr. Shopkeeper-pants, want to hear the one about the crash test dummy at the gas station?”

The last thing you see before darkness overtakes you is the Gatekeeper actually coming out of the TV and smashing the pumpkin with a huge Halloween-themed baseball bat.

START AGAIN, OR DIAL DOWN THE MIDDLE!