"YEAH SO YOU CHOSE WISELY...
WHAT DO YOU WANT, A MEDAL?"

You choose the William Shatner pumpkin, because though he may be guilty of some of the worst acting our species has ever seen, it doesn't necessarily mean he's "evil". And he was definitely the lesser of the four evils you had to choose from, so you passed the test with flying colors.

"THANKS. NOW SPREAD 'EM!"

And your reward for choosing correctly? Like magic, William Shatner bursts out of the pumpkin, dressed from head to toe in his original T.J. Hooker outfit. He tells you to "spread 'em", bends you over a nearby table, and proceeds to rape you with his nightstick. The Gatekeeper laughs at you as you scream in pain and wonder how you're going to remove the splinters from your intestinal walls.

"I thought I picked the least evil guy! Why the hell is he raping me!?" you cry out to the Gatekeeper.

"Ha Ha Ha! He might not be evil, but he IS desperate for work!
Haven't you seen him on those VH-1 specials? I paid him 5
bucks to ass-rape you and he threw in a puppy raping for free!"

Now the right thing to do at this point would be to alert everybody in your community about a bad-acting puppy-rapist running wild in the streets. But, quite frankly, your ass is really sore and you just want to get these damned trials over with. "Ok shithead, what's the final trial?"

"Shithead? What a coincidence it is that you brought up 'shit', because that's exactly what the final trial is about!"

Before you can even speak the thoughts of horror that are floating through your skull, a video screen drops down from the ceiling and attached to it is an archaic video game controller.

"You must complete the game on the screen.
If you fail to do so, you shall go home empty-handed!"

"Big deal! I can beat any game! I thought you said this was all about shit or something?" Your cocky attitude has come back to bite you in the ass once again, for the screen turns on to reveal the most vile and pathetic game you have ever seen in your life...

PLAY THE GAME OR YOU LOSE!

(note: if you don't support flash or you're just a completely skilless, lazy son of a bitch who can't beat the most basic game on earth... click here to continue with the story)