Maybe Apple Cobbler will suit the tastes of this disheveled wretch. If nothing else, you hope it will be enough to convince him to leave without expelling any bodily fluids on anything. Fortunately, you have a slice left over from your breakfast of Cobbler and orange concentrate. You snag the piece and give it to the catatonic hobo.

“I hope you don’t mind the Cobbler being a little cold,” you say, more to yourself than to the hobo. You set the Cobbler down on a table and push the hobo into a chair next to it. As you are wondering whether or not to give this odorous bum a fork, which could very well be your death, he snaps to life and springs out of the chair. “Cooobbblerr!!!” he shouts. You just point at the very cold and sad-looking piece sitting right in front of him.

The call of “Cobbler” changes to a high-pitched squeal of delight as the hobo finally sets his sights on the Cobbler. He draws his head back, and snaps it forward into the Cobbler, sending bits of Cobbler all over and smashing the plate that the Cobbler was sitting on. You watch with morbid curiosity, expecting the hobo to stop soon, seeing as how his overzealous lunge at the Cobbler has embedded numerous dish shards in his dirt-smeared face. You notice that, in fact, he isn’t moving at all. Looks like he must have died as soon as he got his first taste of the coveted Apple Cobbler.

"It's Finders-Keepers Day here at the shelter!"

Not wanting to keep a rotting hobo in your kitchen, you take the blooded, cobbler-coated stiff, stuff him in a hefty back, and pitch him out of your van into a trash can as you drive past the homeless shelter. Looking back, you can already see a collection of starving hoboes descending to pick his bones clean and distribute his filthy rags amongst themselves. Unfortunately, you are now without a staff for your party, and you sincerely doubt that the people at the shelter will let you have any more homeless people. Still, at least you managed to get rid of the Cobbler that would have otherwise stayed in your fridge until it was as old and crumbly as the milk.

APPLE? REAL ORIGINAL! START AGAIN!