Your hobo springs into action, threatening to wipe his eye crusties on the car of the person nearest to him. As you can imagine, people are scared, children are screaming, dogs are barking, and absolute chaos ensues. You chuckle as people, scared of the plethora of foul diseases that are most certainly hiding in the hobo’s various mucous membranes, dump money at his feet. With all this money, you’ll be able to throw the be-all, end-all of Halloween parties, and have enough left over to hire someone else to clean up after it. You’d shake the hobo’s hand, were it not covered with disgusting crust.

The process continues without a hitch for quite some time, and the hobo hasn’t had to wipe anything on anyone’s car. As he moves on to his last “customer,” you contemplate whether it would be cheaper to buy candy corn by the ton. The last man says that he will not give your hobo any money, so the hobo leaps over to his car and asks him one more time if he’ll reconsider. He doesn’t, so the hobo goes to work.

He proceeds to reach toward the car with a chunk of eye crust that rivals his lazy eye in size. You hear a loud screeching sound come from where the bum is standing. When you look to discover the source, you see that a sharp corner of the eye crust has made a deep scratch in the driver’s side window. The three of you are all wearing the exact same expression of surprise. The hobo laughs and says that he should clean his eyes out more often. The owner of the car is not laughing.

Two of the hobos huge eye crusties. (image not magnified)

The owner screams about you damaging his new car, and about how he needed a good car to make up for his lack of personality. He walks over to the car, opens the trunk, and withdraws a shotgun. Upon seeing the gun, the hobo is plunged into Viet Nam flashback: he was going to be drafted, so he punched the draft officer in the throat and ran. The hobo turns to run, but slips in some of the urine that had been seeping down his leg. Flailing wildly, he stumbles into you, and accidentally stabs you in the head with his incredibly sharp eye crud. Blood gushes from the wound as the hobo falls on top of you. The smell of fear and his freshly soiled pants makes you black out that much faster.
 

START AGAIN, OH CRUSTY ONE!