You decide that the best choice is usually the least obvious one, and what could be less obvious than walking right off the island and into the sea? Clearly, you would have to be insane to try this. But, you figure that it might fall into that very small and rarely reached zone between "mildy unhinged" and "batshitzania". In other words, it just MIGHT be crazy enough to work!

And with that, you boldly set foot out into the water. Before you know it, you're in over your head and having to tread water. "Okay," you think, "this is probably a good place to start looking underwater for a chest. It's a good hiding spot, nobody would ever think to look here! Nobody but ME!" You dive under the surface, prepared to spot a shiny treasury kind of object any moment.

Unfortunately for you, there's a good reason nobody hid anything here. By the time you notice the shark approaching, it's far too late to get away. Way to go, numbnuts!

But wait!! What's that orange and green blur off to the side? You look over and see none other than Aquaman, arms outstretched and mouth streched open in a bubbly cry! "Oh god," you think "can't we just ONCE have a water scene without Aquaman showing up? I mean, hello!? Namor! The Snorks! How hard is it?"

Aquaman glides forth in a sinewy show of swimming ability, easily placing himself between you and the oncoming shark. "Simba! Heel!" he cries in a torrent of bubbles.

"Wait. You named...you named your shark Simba?" you ask incredulously, losing precious air bubbles with the question.

"Why yes," Aquaman flashes his teeth and gives you an enthusiastic thumbs up, "is that a problem for you, chum?"

"Oh my GOD!" you spurt, unable to hold back the laughter. "Could you POSSIBLY be any more lame? I mean, shit, you make Robin look cool! You do know that all the other heroes and villains make fun of you, right? Even the fucking Riddler thinks you're a joke!"

Suddenly Aquaman's smile disappears and a stern look takes hold of his face. "Is that so. Chum," he says glumly.

You're still laughing too hard to answer, which would normally be a problem, but you're pretty close to the surface so you're not too afraid of drowning. It's the fierce battle cry of "SIMBA! DESTROY THIS SURFACE DWELLER!" coupled with the shark gnawing your leg off and drenching your surroundings with blood that have you concerned.

START OVER, SOGGY!