Long experience has taught you the best way to deal with nasty, snapping things at foot level is to kick them. In fact, experience has taught you that kicking is pretty much the best way to deal with everything. So, kicking it is.

You rush toward the Mack-Mack duck, you stride confident, your bulging thigh muscle pumping manlily… manishly? Man-likely? Your masculine male thing muscles pumping furiously, you plant your left foot squarely beside the Mack Mack's head and swing your right foot toward it's beak, just as you learned in football camp all those years ago, or would have if you'd used duck heads instead of balls-

And Lucy Van Pelt yanks the Mack-Mack Duck away. And you sail into the air until your horizontal. Your staring at your own feet, and the sky slides by in slow motion. You can't believe you listened to her again, how many times has she promised you, promised you that this time she would not yank the Mack-Mack Duck away, this time she would finally hold it in place, and you would punt with all your manhood, punt that duck out of her hands and into the air like the clenched seed of-

Wait, Lucy? Like in peanuts Lucy? Where did she come from? And wasn't that a football? And is THAT what that meant, was her yanking the ball away from Charlie Brown an image of emasculation? I mean, weren't they, like, little kids in that strip? But, but, it's pretty clear, isn't it, that escaping Lucy's domination by kicking a ball, shooting it into the air, against her will, is an image of… JESUS WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH THAT SCHULTZ SON OF A BITCH?!

And then you land flat on your back and your spine breaks. It hurts like all get out for a sec, and then everything below your neck goes numb. Which seems Ironic when the Mack-Mack duck eats your eyes. How long afterwards do you die? Maybe it's being blind and paralyzed, but it sure does seem like quite a while.

GIVE UP YET? NO? OKAY, START AGAIN.