Thinking quickly, you decide that the best course, nay the ONLY course of action is to sing a love song to placate this angry mallard and get him to settle down enough for you to slip past. Unfortunately, the only song you can think of that applies is "Duck Duck Goose" by Devon and the Defibrillators, a heart rending ballad about a kinky animal threesome gone horribly wrong and ending in an emotional whirlpool of whisky, regret, and suicide.

In retrospect, this was probably not the wisest choice. But it DID have "duck" in the title and it WAS about love, as well as being the first and ONLY song to pop into your head, so why sweat over the little details? Like how the song is actually quite depressing and will likely either encourage this pesky Mack-Mack duck to commit suicide or send him into a frothing-mouthed crazy-eyed beserker rage.

Fortunately for you, this song elicits neither response. Instead the ballad evidently inspires the Mack-Mack duck to run up and urinate on your leg while screaming "MACK-MACK!" at the top of its lungs. As you stare down at the trailing flames in the Mack-Mack duck's wake, you think to yourself what a good thing it is that urine isn't flammable. And as the flames catch your pants on fire and shoot up your body like the Fourth of July, you think "HOLY SHIT! THIS THING PISSES GASOLINE!"

START OVER, LOVEBIRD!