You've never had much luck with caves, and that one in the distance doesn't look to be an exception to the rule. Meanwhile, you've got a perfectly suitable mount just waiting for you to jump on and ride off into the sunset. It's like a fairy tale, except that Ben Affleck is stuffing his maw full of chocolate tree while dressed like a duck.

Well, screw him. You leap up onto the horse and start galloping away. Ben turns his attention away from his tree and starts calling out for you to come back. Once he realizes that you aren't coming back for him, he returns to his gorging. Unfortunately for him, he is too busy eating to notice that his bites have taken a significant chunk out of the base of the tree. He stops in mid-bite to look up and see the chocolate tree as it collapses on him. You would have warned him by shouting, “timber,” but seeing as the tree is made of chocolate, it seemed inappropriate. Also, you hate Ben Affleck.

And so, you gallop away, happy that you're indirectly responsible for the death of Ben Affleck, but anxious to find your treasure. Oh well, maybe it's over that next hill. You yell, “yah!” and kick your mount with your heels. This proves disastrous, however, as a couple chunks fly off the gingerbread horse. The horse whinnies in panic as it starts to crumble under your weight. Soon, you're riding on a disembodied pair of hind legs, and the legs trip, tossing you off and sending you bouncing down a slope of jagged rock candy. You barely survive the brutal fall, but you are too injured to free yourself from the saltwater taffy quicksand at the bottom of the slope.

START OVER, TEX!