"Drifter? Scrappy?? Me!?? Er, I mean, I'm a PA (that's "production assistant", for you home viewers and assorted know-nothings) from your movie and I'm here to take you back to the set."

Dolph looks at you quizzically. "I'm not filming today," he says matter-of-factly. "Today they are doing shots of the cybernetic dolphins fighting the squidopotamus." Your left eye twitches slightly when he says "squidopotamus". Hopefully he didn't notice.

"Ahhhhh… aha! But I didn't say you were needed on the set for THAT movie! You're needed on the set of your new Terminator movie. They need to uhhh… do a fitting… for the codpiece… laser… thing." Dolph just stares at you blankly.

"Okay, right. You're NOT in a Terminator movie. Never have been. I know that! That was a joke. No no, actually they need to fit you in your uhhh… body armor for the new Aliens Vs. Predator Vs. Terminator Vs. Robocop Vs. Hello Kitty Vs. Cthulhu Vs. The '86 Chicago Bears movie. Congrats! You've got the lead role! Now if you'll just come with me, we can get you fitted in your armor." Dolph raises an eyebrow, staring at you like you're an annoying gnat. "Plasma cannon! Did I say plasma cannon? Because you get one of those with your armor, you know. It's real… it fires uhhh real bullets. Made of... plasma. Plasma bullets." If you were only CERTAIN that Dolph was as asleep with his eyes open as he appears to be, you'd make a break for it.

"Alright. Here's the deal. No bullshit this time. Joel Schumacher sent me. He absolutely LOVED your work in Superman 4, and he thinks you'll be the PERFECT Scarecrow in his new Batman film, "Batman Perverted". You get rubber nipples on your costume and everything. And a real straw hat!" Before you even notice Dolph's madly convulsing lower lip, you have the strangest sense that something is wrong. Suddenly Dolph explodes in a torrent of fury, grabbing you by the throat and lifting you up in the air with one arm. "SCHUMACHER!!! SCHUMACHER!!!" he growls, spitting in your face. "For that insult you will die, rubber nipples be damned!" As he chokes the last breath from you, you can't help but think that it IS kind of cool that you've been killed by the Punisher.

START OVER, OR HE'LL PUNISH YOU AGAIN!