If there's one thing you're sure about, it's that you're absolutely sick of driving and having car problems. That being said, you decide to take the train to D.C. You're still kicking yourself for not just going straight to D.C. Just think of all the time you could have saved! All of this other crap you've been doing has been a complete waste of time!

Or has it?

You board the train to D.C. and you are approached by a giant brown monster. Wait! That's no ordinary monster! That's Domo-Fuckin-Kun! He's holding a giant key and looking directly at you! What the hell could he possibly want!?

"RAAAAAAR! RRAAAAAR! RAR RAR RAR!" he proclaims loudly.

Many years ago, your friends all told you, "Dude, why did you buy that Domo-Kun translation book? It's not like you're ever gonna meet him!" HA! If only your friends could see you now! You whip out your trusty Domo-Kun translation book to figure out just what in the hell he's saying to you...

Eureka! After flipping through the book for about 1 hour, you finally found the exact match for what Domo-Kun was trying to say to you. He's been trying to tell you to, "Take this key to the Lincoln Monument and stick it in his ass. You will then be shown... THE WAY." Well how about that! It looks like all of these wacky adventures you've been on so far weren't all for nothing! You take the large key from Domo-Kun and thank him. He responds with, "RAAAAAAAAR! RARRRRRR! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! RAR! RAAAAR! RAAAAAAAR!" You just nod your head in an attempt to humor him as you walk away... there's no way in hell you're going to try looking that one up in your translation book.

You arrive in Washington D.C. and make your way to the Lincoln Monument...

You look upon the giant statue of Lincoln. So majestic, so inspiring... it makes you proud to be an American. Then you remember that you have to stick a key in the ass of this thing and you're no longer feeling very proud of yourself. You walk up to the statue, and sure enough, there is a little keyhole right about where his ass would be. As you forcefully swallow the vomit that has been trying to escape your throat, you stick the key into the ass of our nation's 16th President. You hear a booming moan...

"EEEEAUUUUUGHHH!"

Out of Lincoln's ass, "Lucky" the Leprechaun from Lucky Charms cereal appears before your very eyes! He informs you that he's been trapped in Lincoln's ass for the past 5 years and that you have just freed him. You start to wonder how the hell this is going to help your quest until he tells you that you can ask him any question on your mind and he will answer it for you.

You decide to:

• Ask Lucky if he can recommend a good restaurant since you're famished.
   
• Ask Lucky just how the hell he got stuck in Lincoln's ass in the first place.
   
• Ask Lucky if he can grant you three wishes.
   
• Ask Lucky where the real treasure map is.