You open the Grizzly Adams lunchbox and...

...are deep within the Appalachian mountains before you know it. Having never seen and episode of Grizzly Adams before, you could only guess as to what horrors would lurk inside this lunchbox. You cringe as you search your immediate surroundings, expecting to be mauled at any moment by the vicious bear you saw on the front of the lunchbox, or worse yet, raped by the bearded mountainman that was sitting next to the bear.

You spot an Indian (a native American, that is; not a man from India) motioning you to follow him. Seeing no better route, you follow him and he leads you to the cabin shared by both bear and man.

"Well hello there, young fellow."

You are about to return the mountainman’s greeting when you catch a whiff of his "outdoorsy" smell, and start gagging.

"Oh, that’s a mighty cough. Maybe you should get yourself a glass o’ water."

You take him up on the offer and take a sip from a nearby cup of water. You’re already halfway through the cup before ol’ Grizzly says, "no, not that one!"

"Ooh, sorry about that, youngin’. That cup belonged to my Indian friend, and he’s mighty protective of his stuff. Plus, he has TB."

Great, you think to yourself, I’m going to die coughing up blood in some hillbilly’s bear crap-encrusted cabin. Fortunately, you are spared a horrible death-by-tuberculosis when the once peaceful Indian takes back his cup and wraps his tomahawk in your brain.

START OVER, CHIEF FUCKSUPALOT!