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You tell the robot to
lead you to Mongoose and the others so you can rejoin them in the hunt
for girls, which turns out to be a very time consuming choice. After
all, he’s got tiny little feet. You could have picked him up, but you’re
stupid and he’s not going to suggest it, he’s a robot. Input in output
out, that’s al he does. Hmmm. Input in… Output… out. In out. In out.
You’re on the verge of commanding the robot to stop leading you anywhere
and start… well, something you’ll never tell anyone when your roborotic
musings re interrupted by a terrible, high pitched girl scream!
Rushing headlong into the woods, you practically smash into Mongoose,
Chin Myu, That fat Kid who’s name you can’t remember, the dorky nerd kid
who’s name you can’t remember and… a whole bunch of girls!
Why there’s a
tough looking biker type chick with a leather jacket, a tube top and
cigarette dangling out of her mouth hanging off Mongoose’s arm!
And a quirky little Asian girl with a whole Velma look going on with
Chin Myu!
And a fat chick with that fat kid!
And a lanky, buck toothed, science lovin’ girl with the nerdy kid
And oh, thank God, an unattached, pretty yet non-descript girl any
female audience member could identify with!
That has to mean you’re the normal kid, and this is your normal girl,
and that means you might survive the whole story!
But say, where’s Dizzy Steve? You shoulder your way through your friends
and find Steve on his knees making the screaming girl sound. And in
front of him is this hippy type chick with her shorts off and a Boy Scout
knife with the spoon buried up to the hilt in the back of her head!
"Ho-ree CLAP! Patchouli stink gir-uh camp-uh is KIRRED!!" shrieks Chin
Myu’s new girlfriend stereotypically.
"What the hell happened here?" you query, sidling up to the unattached girl
just as if you’ve ever had a girlfriend in your whole entire life.
"Dizzy Steve hit it off with… whatever that hippy chick girl’s name
was." Exposits Mongoose. "They went off into the woods to get… Better
acquainted… by fucking… and several of us ended up in positions where we
could see them. Unintentionally. But with the hopes that watching two
stoners screw might… inspire the girls. To have sex with us."
"Actually, very few women find voyeurism sexually stimulating" says
smart girl smartly.
"Anyway, you couldn’t hardly see Steve at all in the shot… I mean, from
where we were standing, but you could see the girl especially when she
took her shirt off." Mongoose continued.
"Yes" agrees that damn dorky Nerd Kid. "Especially her breasts, which
bobbled nicely for quite some time in close-up. I mean… you know…
through binoculars. Luckily Gretchen here is a nighttime birding
enthusiast."
"And then?" says fatty. "We all thought she was having this really big
orgasm like we were talking about before? You know, the type where you
think it’s an orgasm but really the girl is getting killed? Well, at
wasn’t an orgasm at all! It was her death throws! On account of her
being killed!"
"Oh man, oh, man, oh Jeeze!" says the fat chick fidgeting fatly.
"Steve, stop screaming!" you scream, "I can barely hear the plotline!"
Just then a maniacal chuckle rumbles through the dark woods.
You:
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