"Various other toiletries"? What the hell are "various other toiletries"? Are they talking about the nail file? Those nose hair clippers? The eyelash curlers, and the moustache wax? And are these secret sundry items things you want the other kids at camp to know about? Okay, sure, they're your sister's, but you could just borrow them for a bit. You know, to achieve the total camp experience. Besides, you can't deny the temptation's been there anyway. Nights you've spent lying awake, dreaming about how your delicately curled eyelashes would beckon lustful strangers like moths to the flame...

Ah well, "When in doubt, whip it out!" you always say. And with that, you quietly slip back into the bathroom for another rigorous 'pondering' session. These meditative 'pondering' sessions always seem to work wonders for clearing your mind of all intelligent thought, and that's just what you need right now to get your head in order. The best choices are the ones made on pure impulse, or better yet, random dumb chance, so the more empty your head is, the better.

There you are, 'pondering' away like never before, leaning back on the toilet, tongue sticking out and left foot shaking slightly in the air when it suddenly occurs to you: moustache wax?? My sister uses moustache wax?? The shock of this reverie is interrupted by your mother knocking on the door. "Are you about DONE in there? It's time to go!"

"Err... yuh-yes!" you exclaim, voice cracking nervously like in a thousand hilarious movies you've seen about the humorous hardships of teenage life. In a rush, you throw all of your sister's cosmetic items into your bag. As you boldly take the moustache wax into your firm grip, you can't help but hold it up in front of you and think "I'll bet this will come in handy at some point later. Why, it might even save my life in some bizarrely funny and totally unforeseen situation that will come up at camp!"

Rushing downstairs with your bags packed and ready to go, you say goodbye to your family as you prepare to disembark for Camp Chopleton. Everyone in the family has offered to give you a ride, so you can go with whomever you want. But remember, it is an eight hour drive.

You decide to:

• Ride with mom in the station wagon, where you will undoubtedly have to listen to Dr. Phil's motivational tapes for the entire trip.
   
• Ride with dad in the ol' beat up pickup truck, where you will have to listen to Skynyrd and be stuck on "beer feedbelt detail".
   
• Ride with your older sister in her sporty little red sedan and listen to her "Clay Aiken Greatest Hits" collection in between whiny cell phone calls to her boyfriend.
   
• Pile into the station wagon with the whole family.