"Oh well, at least mom's tapes might help me get some sleep," you think to yourself as you load your luggage into the trunk. And sure enough, before you know it Dr. Phil has not only carried you off to slumberland, but he's also staying here with you.

HELLO TRAVELER AND WELCOME TO DR. PHIL'S DREAMLAND WHERE UP IS DOWN AND LEFT IS RIGHT AND NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS! WHERE'S DR. PHIL'S DREAMLAND, YOU ASK? WHY, IT'S IN YOUR OWN SUBCONSCIOUS, OF COURSE. LET'S DISCUSS!

TO GET BACK TO THE WAKING WORLD, YOU MUST DEAL WITH YOUR ISSUES. AS LONG AS YOU CARRY YOUR PAIN WITH YOU CANNOT LEAVE DR. PHIL'S DREAMLAND. BUT I CAN ONLY SHOW YOU THE DOOR, YOU HAVE TO WALK THROUGH IT!

OH MAN, ALL THE ANGST YOU'VE BOTTLED UP OVER THE LAST TEN YEARS IS TRYING TO ESCAPE ITS PRISON! IT WILL DROWN YOU IF YOU DON'T LET IT WASH OVER YOU! YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW, OR YOUR FEARS WILL HAVE YOU FOR DINNER! AND I DON'T MEAN THEY'LL INVITE YOU FOR DINNER! I MEAN THE OTHER ONE, WHERE THEY EAT YOU! THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO WORK THROUGH THIS!

YOU'LL HAVE TO GO FOR A RIDE ON THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER! THIS IS GONNA GET BUMPY-BUMPY-BUMPY HANG OOOOOOOOON!

YOU DID IT! YOU ARE ONCE AGAIN MASTER OF YOUR OWN SELF! NOW YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP, BECAUSE TIME MOVES DIFFERENTLY IN DR. PHIL'S DREAMLAND AND IN YOUR OWN WORLD YOU ARE ALREADY AT THE CAMP PARKING LOT! TAKE THIS COFFEE MUG AS A SYMBOL OF YOUR TRIUMPH! FAREWELL!

You snap out of your dream and look around you. Your mother is parking the car. "Look who's back," your mother says, "did you sleep at all last night?" You're too groggy to answer, and give yourself a nice long stretch. It was all a dream.

As you get out of the car to check the camp out, you feel something fall from your lap and onto the parking lot. You bend down to see what it was.

Could it be? Is Dr. Phil's dreamland real? No, it must be a coincidence. Gotta be. You fail to convince yourself completely, but you decide to deal with it later. Right now, you've got more important things to think about.

What will you do first?

• Get registered and enrolled.
   
• Go to the bathroom first (man, that was a long ride).
   
• Check the premises out.
   
• Wait until your mom has left so you can light a smoke and try to establish yourself as a cool kid.