Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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Most people would want to make a beeline for the closest emergency room after being struck by lightning, even if they did wake to find their basement full of snakes, boxes that don't belong to them and strange dripping green goo. But you're not most men, are you? No, sir. You're Hort Derkins (rhymes with 'Gerkins'): husband, dad, pizza professional and a man with a strong, lifelong interest in GREEN GOO!

It's more than an interest, honestly. 'Hobby' doesn't really convey your dedication. More like, 'passion' or even 'calling' or possibly 'really, really specific OCD for Green Goo', which is what your therapist calls it.

Believe it or not, this T-Shirt isn't available in stores.

To heck with snakes, to heck with mysterious boxes and eerie 'Fun Time' arcade games, to heck even with third degree lightning burns, we're in GREEN GOO TERRITORY NOW, and that Green Goo needs examining! Why there's just about nothing that can dampen your enthusiasm for Green Goo!

Ironically, it turns out being bitten in the ass by a huge snake is one of them. The sudden pain is so intense, you hallucinate! There seems to be a bright red horizontal bar over your head, and as the snake's fangs sink into your butt meat, that bar gets shorter, shorter, shorter, until about a third of it's length is gone! What an inexplicable ass pain related hallucination THAT is! You hardly have time to think about it before ANOTHER snake is heading right for you!

Thinking quickly, you:

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