Features

Freddy's Merchandise!
by: -RoG-

Freddy really became a phenomenon over the years. There were times where you couldn't go into a store without seeing something with Freddy's face on it. Below is a list containing some of the best and worst of the Nightmare on Elm Street products.

Such a difficult maze!
You mean that drawing doesn't depict what really happens!?!?
A Nightmare on Elm Street - The Board Game.

If memory serves correctly, the object of the game was to make it out of the maze alive before Freddy killed you. You can imagine my disappointment, however, when I discovered that Freddy's hand does NOT burst through the center of the game board in an attempt to kill your friends, even though they pictured it on the back of the box.

Hey, it's better than Britney Spears.
"Freddy's Greatest Hits" album.

If you couldn't get enough Freddy, there was the option of adding him to your music collection as well. This album featured smash hits such as "Do the Freddy", "Obsession", "Wooly Bully", "Don't Sleep", "In the Midnight Hour", "Dance or Else", "All I Have To Do Is Dream", "Down In The Boiler Room", and "Elm Street Dreams". Still, it's no "Dream Warriors" by Dokken or "Nightmare on My Street" by DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince.

Let's be friends!
He'll tear your Barbie to shreds!
Freddy Krueger Dolls

For the smart girls out there who knew that Barbie was an empty little vessel created just to make them feel bad and take their money, there were Freddy Krueger dolls as an alternative. Some Freddy dolls talked... some dolls you could even change his head and clothes. All in all, the dolls looked pretty crappy, but when compared to Barbie, they look pretty damned good.

They're using the rest of his body parts to make a Fright Go-Kart.
Freddy's "Fright Squirter"

Here's an odd one - Freddy's Fright Squirter was basically the severed head of Freddy Krueger as a water gun. I still think it would have been more effective if they included some red colored disappearing ink - like they did with the old "Zap-It!" guns. Then it would be like you were shooting Freddy's neck blood at people. Tasty!

BEST. FREDDY TOY. EVER.
Freddy's Glove!

The king of all Elm Street toys. I remember yelling out loud the first time I saw this thing and everybody in the store was looking at me like I needed to be in medication. They did a great job on this glove, which was a relief because I was getting tired of trying to make my own Freddy gloves:

WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE...
Don't deny it - we all tried the same thing.
(sadly I only had sporks at the time, so my homemade Freddy glove really sucked)

NO! JUST... NO!
Horrible Make-Up Kits

Eugh, I have yet to see a decent Freddy Krueger costume. Sure you can get his glove, his sweater, and his fedora... but when it comes to his face, nobody gets it right. The masks all look horrible, and the make-up kits? Christ, you'd have better luck sticking oatmeal or applesauce on your face. If you want to look as far from Freddy Krueger as possible, then the various make-up kits are right up your alley. I'm really not kidding.

Far superior to the DOS game... trust me.
A Nightmare on Elm Street - The NES Game
(click here to download the NES rom. click here to download the NES emulator.)

Ok, I actually enjoyed this game, but that's only because before this, I owned the original Elm Street game for my DOS computer and it drove me mad. Mainly because Freddy cheated in that game... a lot. They even promoted it on the box. The NES game was a lot easier, though I must say that the PC game did have a cooler title screen since his finger moved. (you can read our feature article on the Freddy PC game here).

Nine, Ten... never play pinball again?
A Nightmare on Elm Street - The Pinball game

The best of the Freddy games, however, is without a doubt the Elm Street Pinball game. My favorite part about it was the animated Freddy head in the middle of it. There's also the added challenge of concentrating on your game while Freddy is talking his usual shit through the speakers. His evil knows no bounds.

Ho Ho Ho!
A Nightmare on Elm Street - The Snowglobe

Celebrate the holidays with Freddy. Why buy grandma a tree ornament from Halmark when you can give her the gift of Freddy? It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Squeeze me all you want, your money still won't come back!
The Freddy "Squish 'Em"

Ok now this thing was just stupid. I like squishy toys as much as the next guy, but this thing was just plain cheap. It was nothing like the popular "Gurgling Guts" toys of today that make all those awesomely disgusting noises. It claims "you can't keep Freddy down" but keeping him in the trash wasn't really hard.

"Now I'm the Grandfather..."
Freddy Krueger "Stick-Up"

Another cheap and useless novelty item, the Freddy "Stick-Up" allowed you to do just what you'd think - stick Freddy wherever you want. What I found more amusing was the photo on the box. It's not even the real Freddy Krueger, it's somebody else made to look like him with the addition of an old man coat. What's with that thing!? Does he have a Werther's Original candy in those coat pockets for us? The package claims "It's horribly authentic!" unfortunately, the Freddy is "horribly unauthentic".

Cheaper than a lamp from Ikea!
Freddy Krueger Wall Light

Not happy with the lighting in your room? Well, you could always get a Freddy light to hang from your wall. I think it was mainly used for Halloween, but I see no reason why it couldn't be a year-round lighting solution.

Where can I hire that artist? He's so fucking talented!
The Freddy Krueger Yo-Yo

This was just absurd. A horribly bad drawing of Freddy stuck on a Yo-Yo. Even funnier is the cover that depicts Freddy using the Yo-Yo. Not that I'd put it past him to find a way to kill somebody with a Yo-Yo, but I still think it's a bit far fetched. Hell, If he saw the horribly drawn picture of himself on the Yo-Yo, he'd probably kill the artist.

I've already slashed some someone's tires. Boy, was my mom ever pissed!
Freddy's "No Parking" Sign

I really can't think of a better way to claim a parking spot for your own than with a Freddy sign that informs people that their tires will be slashed. And the best part about it, is if someone does park in your space, you can slash their tires and then blame it on Freddy. It's a perfectly solid alibi that will hold up in court. Seriously.

A Nightmare on Elm Street - Freddy Krueger's Dream Package!

Ever wanted to get your hands on Freddy Krueger's package? There was a time when you could. The A Nightmare on Elm Street Dream Package included Freddy's mask, hat, poster, glove, game, and companion book for $98. What, no sweater? More importantly, I believe that "You know my face... you know my name. Now get my tape and buy my game!" is far more terrifying than the classic "One, two... Freddy's coming for you." Wouldn't you agree?

Well this concludes our tour down Freddy lane. I hope you've enjoyed it. Hey... what the hell!? I... I can't control my arm! I... I... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Freddy is your new webmaster. :(
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

CLICK HERE TO GO BACK TO FREDDY'S 10 BEST KILLS!



Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Email -RoG-

 

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:

Jason Voorhees' 10 Best Kills!
Jason Voorhees' 10 Best Kills!

and

Michael Myers' 10 Best Kills!
Michael Myers' 10 Best Kills!

Reader Comments

Pickled Patriarch
Oct 23rd, 2009, 05:52 PM
Since I've had a lot of requests for follow-up articles, I'm currently working on another "Best Kills" list for another horror icon. In the meantime, I went ahead and updated my old article about Freddy Krueger's 10 Best Kills and put it into the new site template so you guys can finally talk about it on here! One, Two... Freddy's coming for you...
Dead Fuck
Oct 23rd, 2009, 06:10 PM
I would love to see your 10 favorite kills of Chucky.
With More Yes Than Ever
Oct 23rd, 2009, 08:24 PM
This is awesome! My fav is definitely the roach motel one, it still makes me squirm.
Forum Virgin
Oct 23rd, 2009, 08:41 PM
(@ Ex Leper) Chucky would be awesome.
aint nobody
Oct 23rd, 2009, 09:17 PM
10 best kills in a Cronenberg movie would be nice
Forum Virgin
Oct 24th, 2009, 03:41 PM
I'm going to have to dig up the pictures of my Freddy costume from when I was like, 12. If my memory's not TOO bad, it looked pretty good.
Drunk Yamo
Oct 24th, 2009, 06:11 PM
I would just take the part out about the "upcoming" Freddy vs. Jason, and consider it updated.
Drunk Yamo
Oct 24th, 2009, 06:12 PM
Top ten Leprechaun kills!!!
sadomasochist
Oct 24th, 2009, 06:23 PM
one of chucky's ten best kills should be from the third one where he pops out and gives the guy a heartattack
Pickled Patriarch
Oct 24th, 2009, 07:12 PM
I appreciate the enthusiasm guys, but try to keep the comments in this article on topic about Freddy's kills rather than requests for a list about Chucky heheh. You can always email me with your requests for other pieces to do. Fact is, I already decided a long time ago what horror icon I was going to cover next for a "10 best kills" list, and you'll find out who it is early next week. So for now, let's hear about your favorite Freddy kills and what made them so memorable for you!

Toast Points, if you find those pictures, please do post them in this thread as I'd love to see 'em! Here's a photo as me when I dressed as Freddy for Halloween back in 2007:

pickled
Oct 24th, 2009, 10:09 PM
Three, Four, better lock your door.....
Forum Virgin
Oct 25th, 2009, 01:27 AM
Personally one of my favorite Freddy kills is the Puppet kill from part 3. Also can't go wrong with Tina's iconic floating kill in part 1 either. Anyway... I was wondering if there was any good looking prosthesis that could convey a Freddy appearance cause I am interested in doing it, but would also like the use of my mouth to taught the nose breathers I run into.
Sloth, PhD
Oct 25th, 2009, 02:15 AM
I have to say, the Depp kill has always been my favorite. Just so over-the-top.
Drunk Yamo
Oct 25th, 2009, 02:57 AM
Sorry, didn't mean to be out of line. My favorite Freddy kill - Tina. The first kill. Who ever would have thought they would see something like that? I mean, it wasn't just a cutaway and suddenly she's on the ceiling. You saw her lifted from the bed, to the ceiling, spun around and sliced the hell open.

Runner up - Nancy. He used John Saxon against her. Nobody can resist the Saxon.
An Arizona Horror Company
Oct 25th, 2009, 09:28 PM
The Wizard Master's death was great. Kinda feels like a deleted scene from The 40 Year Old Virgin, but it's a great up-yours to what was probably a good chunk of the film's core audience.
I am Johnny Luchador
Oct 26th, 2009, 06:54 PM
I agree with DrewP, the puppet kill was the only one that ever really made my skin crawl, just the thought of being dangled by your tendo....okay I gotta stop still messes with my head.
Forum Virgin
Nov 1st, 2009, 03:08 AM
Am I the only one that noticed the #1 kill was not a kill. Rick was already dead at that point. Dont get me wrong I love that scene but it wasnt really a kill.
Forum Virgin
Oct 26th, 2010, 03:11 PM
I got to agree, Freddy is the best, I know because I was also a big fanatic of him when I was a kid even when my mom forbade me to watch the movies. Still seeing him on Mtv, on merchandise and commercials I knew he was a bad ass. I did catch the first on black and white TV in my room, it was the one with UHF dial and antennaes. The movie was of course cut down but I had to see more, me and my cousin snuck into the theater to see Dream Warriors and I became a freak for Freddy. I just watched all parts 1 to 6 straight through only to eat, drink and piss, I feel like my eyes are going to fall out of my damn head! Going to watch "New Nightmare" and "Freddy Vs. Jason" also. Still my favorite kill is #6, that is the most awesome, cool, kill scene in any horror movie. A hot naked blonde chick trapped in a sea through water bed beckoning and then Freddy cock blocks by turning him into shredded beef. Cool!

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