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I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2006! Halloween Candy!
by: -RoG-


Chef Ghoulicious
Abbie Normal Bag Of Brains!


If there's one candy this year that lives up to the description on the package, it would have to be the Abnormally LARGE Gummy Brain from Chef Ghoulicious! We've already seen the Box of Boogers, and while they tasted good, they just didn't look like boogers. This brain, however, does not let you down in any way. Probably one of the largest, most disgusting feeling gummy treats I've ever seen. It's a bit larger than your average hamburger patty. Oh and then there's the smell. I hope you have some strong air fresheners in your room, because if you don't, the overpoweringly fruity smell of this brain will likely waft around your home for quite some time. It comes in 2 flavors, Frontal Lobe Berry (blueberry) and Wateronthebrain (watermelon). The flavor was a bit too strong for me, and I definitely enjoyed the taste of their Boogers better. Gee, that's something I never thought I'd find myself typing. Anyway, this candy is all about the look and feel of it, not the flavor. I give it high marks simply because of the reaction anybody has when you put it in their hands. Any candy that can gross people out so easily clearly has something special going for it.

out of 5 brains in jars of formaldehyde

Chef Ghoulicious Can Of Worms!
Early bird gets the worm?

After seeing the grotesquely awesome Bag of Brains, I was excited to check out the next Chef Ghoulicious treat - the Squirmallicious Gummy Earthworms. Now most gummy worms you see in stores don't look all too realistic, but the worms on this package sure look a hell of a lot better than your average gummy worm. Sure they might not look like real worms, but they could at least pass off as decent fishing tackle.

They look more like grubs don't they? Well, multi-colored grubs covered in sugar that is.

You can imagine my disappointment when I actually opened the can and discovered that the worms inside hardly looked like the ones on the cover. Sure, they were covered in the sugary substance, which instantly detracts from their look, but they were also much thicker than the thin, slimy worms depicted on the outside of the can. On the plus side, they taste just as good as the Chef Ghoulicious Box of Boogers, so at least you won't be disappointed in the taste. Still, it's always nice to get exactly what you see on the package art as opposed to something quite different. Chef Ghoulicious would probably be doing themselves a favor if they made sure that either a) all their candies looked exactly like the ones pictured on the packaging or b) all their candies have cellophane packaging like the Bag of Brains so you can see exactly what's inside before you buy.

out of 5 hearses

Spooky Spritzer!
Bah, no caffeine? No thanks.

Here's a new one from Gallerie, a company who has produced some of the most interesting looking candies in the past few years. The Spooky Spritzer is, for some reason or another, a plastic soda can which contains a bunch of sour ghost candies. As a bonus, each of the ghost candies has a little message on it, just like the candy hearts you see every year for Valentine's Day. The can actually does have a pop-top just like a real soda, but the problem is that the candies are pretty much too big to fit through the hole in the top with ease. Fortunately, you can remove the entire lid and pour them out easily, but that does kind of defeat the purpose of the soda can novelty. But hey, at least it features a bunch of drunk ghosts on the package art. And speaking of being drunk...


I'm thinking their creative department might've had a few too many spritzers of their own when coming up with the text for these candies. While some of the candies have some mildly humorous plays on words - such as "Ghoulfriend" instead of "Girlfriend" and "Fang & Hisses" instead of "Hugs & Kisses" - other ones have nothing humorous whatsoever. Ones like "Spooky Street" and "Magic Potion" really make me believe that they were totally plastered when coming up with these things. My personal favorite one is the ghost who boldly states "I AM A GHOST." Haha, the little fella was so proud of himself that I just couldn't bring myself to eat him.

If you like extremely sour candies, you'll surely dig these ones. I don't like candies that are this sour, but I'm honestly tempted to buy another can just to see what other crazy messages were put on the ghosts during the creative department's drunken stupor.

out of 5 crazy Jacks

Glow-In-The-Dark Fun Fangs With Candy!
Yeah they're fangs alright, but not much fun.

Hardly much candy to talk about here, but I dig the lazy-eyed Count Dracula on the package. These Fun Fangs come with a just few little pellets that are slightly smaller than your average rabbit shit. They don't taste much better than rabbit shit either, as the tiny balls are reminiscent of expired fruit covered in sugar to mask the horrible flavor. But it's obvious that the main point of this was not for the treat, but for the glow-in-the-dark fangs. So how well did they glow?

If you sit close to the monitor and squint your eyes you can see the SUCK

Pathetic. That was after holding the fangs directly on top of a bright light for well over a minute, and my camera takes pretty good pictures in the dark, so it's not the photo. I actually had the brighten it up in Photoshop a bit just so you could barely see it if you sat closely enough to the screen - that's how weak the glow was. When your main selling point is a set of glow-in-the-dark fangs, you had damn well better make sure that they do a good job of glowing.

out of 5 Chucky doll heads

Witch's Cauldron Dig 'n Dips!
blue pumpkin. BLUE PUMPKIN!

Damn, this stuff is tasty... really tasty! It's the perfect amount of sour and the sour apple flavor is right on the money. I also didn't expect to find all the little candy shapes inside the Witch's Cauldron such as the multi-colored pumpkins and bats. I hope they didn't expect you to be able to make them stick to the lollipop though; no matter how much I licked it, the candy shapes wouldn't stick to it. The sour apple sugar sticks  easily though.

No more pubic hairs will get stuck on your lollipops, not with that protective wrapping!

Something I really liked about this candy is how they acknowledge the fact that most people wouldn't eat it in one sitting. So how did they handle the problem of having a saliva-covered lollipop that was to be used again later on? They included a notch in the back of the cauldron that holds the lollipop so it doesn't touch the ground. Furthermore, they include a reusable piece of plastic that you wrap around it so no dust gets on it. Finally, somebody does it right!

out of 5 Pennywise clowns

Beaming & Babbling Bones!
HA HA HA! Don't let the flashing eyes scare you off, it's really quite tasty.

I don't know what it is about bright neon packaging, but I'm a sucker for it all when it comes to Halloween, and these Beaming & Babbling Bones sucked me right on in. And you know what? I'm glad they did. First off, the candy skulls 'n bones are tasty as can be, just like Sweet Tarts candies only slightly softer. Real good.

Next you have the packaging gimmick itself with absolutely rocks. They say good things sometimes come in small packages; well this proves that saying to be true. Yes, there's the cool artwork of the "Ha Ha Ha!" skeleton on the coffin lid, but it gets better. Upon opening the coffin, the eyes of the skull begin to flash red, you hear a loud creaking noise followed by a deep voice that says "WELCOME!" and then begins to laugh like an evil bastard. My friends, this by FAR beats the sound effects found in the Nestlé Grave Bandit or the Bone Rattlers Coffin that I featured on the first page of this article. If I could set that sound effect to be my doorbell, I would. In the meantime, I think I might set it to be my answering machine message. But don't take my word for how truly great it is, take a look at this video and see for yourself:

Click on the above pic to watch the
Beaming & Babbling Bones in action!

I couldn't be happier with the Beaming & Babbling Bones, and I'll probably pick up a few more when I get the chance as they come in a variety of bright neon colors.

out of 5 slices of pumpkin pie

The Wilton Halloween
Candy Making Kit Mega Pack!

Actually it's not quite that easy

When it comes to "do-it-yourself" food kits that involve actually creating the designs, I'm always slightly wary of them simply because I know they'll never end up looking exactly like the ones on the box. You can take a look at my recent attempt to decorate a Halloween Cookie House for more evidence of that. This Halloween Candy Making Kit Mega Pack, however, seemed to be fairly simple. You just melt the candies, pour them into the molds, and then after they've cooled down in the fridge, they're ready to go. Sounds good right? Ok, let's see how it goes...

Tasty candy pellets become tasty candy... goop

They provide you with four different colors of candy (chocolate) discs which you place into the decorating bags and microwave in small increments. After 15 seconds you grab the bags and mash up the candies inside to speed things up. You repeat this process 3 or 4 more times until it's all completely melted and ready to pour into the molds.


And that's where things started looking bad. You're supposed to paint the outer design parts (such as leaves, facial features, etc.) into the mold first using the paintbrush they provide you with. Problem is, it doesn't work too well and it doesn't put in nearly enough of the melted chocolate candy, so you end up having to squeeze more in from the design bags. Then once you have enough, all you can do is fill up the mold with the base color and smooth it out with a spoon as evenly as possible. After that, all you can do is chuck 'em in the fridge to cool off and hope for the best.


Damn! My two pumpkins ended up looking like Toht (from Raiders of the Lost Ark) when the Ark of the Covenant is opened up and his face gets melted by the wrath of god.

Well at least one of 'em turned out well. Either way, they all look the same when they exit my body, AM I RIGHT GUYS?

The pretzel totem pole faired slightly better, though somehow my ghost and pumpkin characters looked like they had been splattered with flaming bags of dog poop. Re, however, was able to pull off the Frankenstein monster pretty damned nicely. That's about as close to what you see on the box as I think it's possible for an average person to do. If you want your candy characters to look like what's pictured on the box, I hope you have some professional tools and hands with the precision of a friggin' brain surgeon. And even then, they probably won't come out quite right.

I will say this though: whether or not your candies come out looking good, I guarantee you they're gonna taste good. I've never had Wilton brand chocolates before, but these ones were delicious as hell. Only sad thing is that my designs probably look better digesting in my stomach than they did when I first removed them from the candy molds.

out of 5 haunted houses

Hubba Bubba Twist 'n Pour Characters!

These rule. There's no other way to put it. If you like the flavor of Tiny Size Chiclets, then you'll surely enjoy these just as much. And how can you not like the containers? You twist them to open up the dispenser hole for pouring out the gum. And speaking of the holes, I like where they chose to position them on each character. The ghost looks fairly terrified, and when you pour the candies out it looks as though he's puking - I dare say puking rainbows even! The pumpkin, on the other hand, is happy as can be to be shooting projectile bubble boogers out of his nose. And we're more than happy to eat them up now aren't we? Yes, yes we are. Hubba Bubba.

My only real complaint about these is that they could've easily fit twice as many pieces of gum inside them. I also had a suspicion that the ghost glowed in the dark, but he doesn't. Maybe he puked out all of his glow along with the bubble gum. Poor ghost.

out of 5 mad scientists

And there you have it! We made it to the end and somehow haven't required medical assistance to pump the sugar out of our stomachs! Huzzah! But don't rest easy just yet... I'll still be on the lookout for more Halloween candies up until October 31st once again this year, and if I find any more treats worth writing about, I'll either add them to this article or post 'em in the Halloween Grab Bag section. If you see any new Halloween candies that I have yet to cover, be sure to drop me a line and let me know!

Thanks for reading, and for your own sake, get a really good dental plan before Halloween rolls around this year. If these candies are any indication of the sugary delights that will be dropped in your trick-or-treat bags, you're gonna need one badly.

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Email -RoG-

Click here to return back to page 1 of the 2006 Halloween Candy Guide.

Be sure to check out:



Also, be sure to check this article from two years ago which
covers a bunch of the 2005 Halloween candies!

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