I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide To The Halloween Candies Of 2009
by: -RoG-


Spooky Eyes, Pumpkinheads & Blood Balls
Bubble Gum

These "mega sour" gumballs aren't remotely as sour as the label claims (Unless "mega" means "not" in Maryland where these things come from), nor do they even taste decent. They do, however, stain your tongue. Then again, so do a lot of Halloween candies, so I'm guessing that's not going to be a big selling point. The "Spooky Eyes" gumball doesn't even have an eyeball pattern on it like many other eyeball gumballs out there do. Only the Pumpkinhead one has any kind of a design pattern to it, but it's not enough to make these worth your time. Avoid 'em.

out of 5 crazy Jacks

Scary Skewers

It looks like a totem pole of spooky Halloween deliciousness. In all honesty though, I would've much preferred these to be white chocolate, rather than the endless array of bland gummy treats that come out every year. As I've said in the past, any gummy treats that look this nice are usually only okay at best when it comes to flavor. Still, you've gotta love the concept of various Halloween icons being served up shish kebab style.

out of 5 chainsaws

Halloween Rain-Blo Jum-Blo

Ah the Halloween back of jumbo gumballs from Rain-Blo always a welcome sight. You know the gumballs are tasty, but what's nice about these is that they're Halloween themed. In addition to the cobweb covered packaging with a bloodshot eyeball in the middle of the "O" of "Jum-Blo" text, the gumballs themselves are colored for the season. Orange and black are always in style on Halloween, and they also include two white ones with a bloodshot eyeball design printed right on 'em. If you're in the mood for bubble gum this Halloween, you simply can't go wrong with a pack o' these.

out of 5 Kiefer vampires

Ghost Dots

Another year goes by, and my repeated requests for the Tootsie company to either figure out a way to make these Ghost Dots glow-in-the-dark or at least put some faces on them have gone ignored. Last year I even said I'd be satisfied with a Ghost Dots plush toy instead. Look, I just love how these things look, and that little Ghost Dots character on the box (who appears to be posturing to sing in an opera) is absolutely adorable, so it's time for them to stop screwing around and give us the ones we've been asking for! I've taken it upon myself to show you just how fantastic they could be with either one of these features being added on:

Come on Tootsie, you can at least do something like this!
[click to enlarge]

Yes indeed, I found some glow-in-the-dark nail polish which I coated the Ghost Dots with, and although I was unable to get a decent photo of them glowing, it did give them a nice glossy shine. Then I took a Sharpie to finish them off with some nice faces. Of course, they're completely inedible now, but they look awesome. Now that only took me a few minutes to do, so I see no reason why the Tootsie company can't find a way to do something similar. At least give us faces on Ghost Dots next year!

Your move Tootsie... your move.

out of 5 Freddy gloves

Bat Dots

While they may look like bat droppings, I assure you they don't taste like them. Upon first glance, you'd think these Bat Dots were just plain ol' bits of black licorice, but you'd be wrong. They're actually "Blood Orange" flavored and while I'm not usually a fan of gumdrops, I've gotta admit they're pretty tasty. I'm sure many people will find them to be the tastiest Halloween themed Dots of the season, so I'd recommend trying 'em out. And much like the Ghost Dots, I'd love to see these things be given faces or a set of wings. Come on Tootsie, make it happen.

out of 5 hearses

Candy Corn Dots

Everything in my mind is telling me I shouldn't like how these things taste, but I really do. I thought they would have a totally unnatural chemical taste, but it's not like that at all. Instead it's just a mellow candy corn flavored gumdrop that I can't seem to get enough of. And just look at 'em! They actually managed to give these gumdrops a two-tiered color pattern to make them appear even more like candy corn. That's the kind of effort I can get behind, and you should too. Don't miss out on these ones this year!

out of 5 Frankensteins

Candy Beakers

It's just a repackaging of the shrunken heads and bones in a beaker from last year. Still just as good, and this time the beaker has a more bulb-shaped base, which is fine by me. At this rate, if they keep releasing new beakers every year, I'm pretty sure I'll have a full mad scientist lab kit by Halloween 2012.

out of 5 zombie hands

Skeletal Sweets

A decorative coffin, a tasty candy and a puzzle activity all in one! Yes indeed, I'm a fan of these new Skeletal Sweets. Normally, a neon green plastic coffin case is more than enough to get me to purchase some Halloween candies, but the fact that the bones can actually be assembled into an edible skeleton really puts these over the top. While I'm sure anybody with an extensive knowledge of anatomy would have a beef with some of the aspects of the skeleton, I'm pretty impressed with it. Impressed that the bone puzzle pieces actually fit together without breaking and impressed that none of the pieces were missing. They even threw in a few extra bone pieces that I didn't need, just so the coffin is completely filled with candy. Don't even get me started on how cool it is that they threw in an extra large candy skull on the outside of the package. A company that doesn't skimp on the candy, gives you an activity and a collectible coffin? Skeletal Sweets, I salute you just as the skeleton soldier on your label is saluting me!

out of 5 Edgar Allen Poe's.

Pumpkin Patch Orange Pop Rocks

As much as I love Pop Rocks, I gotta say that the new Monster Poppers are better than these individual "Pumpkin Patch Orange". I appreciate the pumpkin design on the package, and the orange & green candy pieces, but the flavor just isn't as good as the Monster Poppers. Plus, with the Monster Poppers, you get a variety of flavors in the package. Still, Pop Rocks will always be a classic and they are the original... I just wish they had a wider selection of Halloween-themed flavors.

out of 5 haunted houses

Oh but there's more!


Reader Comments

Forum Virgin
Oct 29th, 2009, 07:27 AM
I had the same reaction to the Revenge of the Giant Tentacle gummi. They were selling them a haunted apple orchard and I completely marked out for them. Couldn't buy one though, I was out of cash at that point.

Do they taste as good as they look or are they still in the packaging being worshiped?
Forum Virgin
Oct 29th, 2009, 10:59 AM
the sweet tart squeezes are available year round in gas stations only they don't have the blood in their name.
Forum Virgin
Oct 29th, 2009, 11:41 AM
I too noticed that there are hardly any new candies this year. And what there is, is simply repackaged stuff from last year. Damn economy.
Punk Rock Hamster
Oct 29th, 2009, 12:15 PM
Wonka sells a shocktarts version of the sweetarts squeez, in a really yummy lemon flavor, too. The dollar store here sells both, 2 for a buck, yay, cavaties! Also I'm from Maryland, and very disappointed that we can't make a decent Halloween candy, I'm writing my Congressman. One last note, my daughter sprained her middle finger last night, and went to school with a splint on it today, so I'm just waiting for the calls about her making that gummy hand gesture in class to start pouring in. Great list, as always, RoG.
Forum Virgin
Oct 29th, 2009, 02:55 PM
I work at cvs and wasn't sure about the skulls but I'm going to have to pick up a bag tonight

also we have carried the cherry blood before, glad to hear its good. always look forward to these lists
Oct 29th, 2009, 06:13 PM
I've never even played Day of the Tentacle, and that gummi made me think of it. I want one. Heck, I want eight, and something to put in the center to make an octopus.
I hate this hacker crap!
Oct 30th, 2009, 10:19 AM
Creepy Candy Lollipops - The dracula looks bored and it's awesome.
Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2009, 03:16 PM
What are the odds??!?! a gummy tentacle. A FRIGGEN TENTACLE! Where did you get that?
Oct 30th, 2009, 07:03 PM
I want to eat a giant gummy earthworm.
Member OfThe Pigmask Army
Oct 31st, 2009, 12:29 AM
What the crap!? WE'RE SAVED!
The Skeleton Blood Balls guy has jumped the shark! HE'S DEFEATED!
Oct 31st, 2009, 09:23 PM
I'm chewing a giant blue raspberry tentacle as I type this.
Forum Virgin
Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:15 AM
^ Can I have some?
lurking on the walls
Nov 2nd, 2009, 01:03 PM
"day of the tentacle" as in Maniac Mansion 2? man i liked that game.... as for candy... you guys should try and get a design for i-mockery gummies for halloween or something... immagine a Doc Moc gummy head, or pickle hat gummy.... or even the Pickle Man assembly kit...
Nov 3rd, 2009, 09:24 PM
Thanks to your recommendation, as I was out hunting for post-Halloween candy sales, I picked up some of those cherry liquid filled gummy skulls from CVS. I am delighted to say that they are in fact the bee's knees-- I might have to pick up more! Also, while I was at Walgreens, I picked up some discounted candy blood. Unlike the Sweet Tarts candy blood, this candy blood comes packaged in a small-ish blood transfusion pouch. All it says on the cardboard attached at the top is that it's made by a company called Sweet Time and that it is "Artificial Flavor Liquid Cherry Candy Blood Bag." The bag itself is made of fairly hefty plastic and says "Blood Type X" and "Candy Blood" on the front. A tube comes out the bottom (like a straw) and you have to cut the end off in order to consume the candy. They really thought this one out-- they have a plastic clip to stop the flow of candy blood in the straw so you can consume it over multiple sittings. I haven't actually opened it yet-- I'm thinking of keeping it as a prop for next time I dress up as a zombie, but I just had to see if you'd seen it/tried it before.
frappez le cochon rouge
Nov 3rd, 2009, 09:30 PM
Everything should be rated on a scale of Edgar Allan Poe.
Geek Wench
Nov 11th, 2009, 01:13 AM
I just bought a bag of the gummy skulls on clearance. I'm definitely going back for more--not only are they delicious, but they are extraordinarily detailed for cheapo CVS gummies. You can count the teeth in their evil little grins!

Can't wait to take these babies to the office...
Jan 25th, 2010, 03:53 PM
i thought of "day of the tentacle" in "zombies ate my neighbors"
Nuclear Waffle
Feb 8th, 2010, 02:11 PM
I'm drooling so much at the Wonka Cherry Blood. Now if only they had raspberry...

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