Features

I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide To The Halloween Candies Of 2010
by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

Candy Craft Tricky Kitty

Haven't seen Tricky Kitty since back in 2007, but I'm glad to see he's still around to poop out those cola and butterscotch flavored jellybeans. After all, what fun is Halloween if you don't get to experience the sensation of a black cat taking a dump in your mouth at least once?

out of 5 leaf piles

Skeleton Pops

If it wasn't for the thin novelty skeleton body that you get with this lollipop and the colorful packaging, I wouldn't even give it a point. The skull pop itself isn't really designed well as the face has no distinguishing features, plus, it tastes pretty awful as far as cherry lollipops go. What's worse, they didn't wrap up the pop separately inside, so when you try to remove it from the packaging, it's a tug-of-war that nearly rips the skeleton out from under it. Hard to remove and a false claim about being "yummy!" when it just tastes like a bland mix of chemicals definitely didn't win me over.

out of 5 Audrey II plants

Snake Lollipops

Not exactly the best tasting lollipops I've ever had, but you've gotta appreciate the design. If you look closely, you'll notice that they included the scales to make these coiled Snake Lollipops look all the more convincing. Not sure what the green splotches are supposed to be other than a means to break up the colors a bit, so let's just pretend they crawled through some mutagen ooze in a sewer and will soon become well versed in martial arts.

On a related note: Looking at the purple snake, I can't help but be reminded of Coily, Q*bert's arch nemesis.

out of 5 Mad Scientists

Flix Candy Marshmallow Brain Burger

I honestly didn't realize this was a Marshmallow Brain Burger at first... I just thought it was your average marshmallow burger. Why? Because the best part of it is covered in sugar crystals which obscure the brain-shaped bun on top a bit too much. That said, I still love the idea behind this thing as the Flix candy company rarely disappoints with their Halloween treat designs, and I also appreciate that the actual burger marshmallow is black to make it look like a real charred beef patty. You won't get too many opportunities to eat a black marshmallow sandwiched between some brains, so get 'em while you can folks.

out of 5 Jaws

Flix Candy Marshmallow Creepy Pizzahhh!

The largest of Flix's marshmallow candies this year is their "Creepy Pizzahhh!" and there's no sugar crystal coating to obscure it. I like how they added in worms and eyeballs ("pizza p'eye") for the toppings, but the best part is clearly the tiny, edible maggots crawling all over it. Once again, it's the little details that go a long way with me, so I was more than happy to try a slice.

out of 5 tombstones

Flix Candy Marshmallow Finger Dogs!

Saving the best Flix candy for last, I present you with the Marshmallow Finger Dog! It's a marshmallow severed finger and a pair of ears all shoved into a marshmallow hot dog bun and covered in candy blood. Just holding this thing feels wrong on so many levels, and that's a good thing. I know it's not the focal point of the candy, but I can't tell you how impressed I was with how perfectly they replicated a real hot dog bun as a marshmallow. If you put a real hot dog in this and served it to somebody, they simply wouldn't know the difference. It has the same spongy consistency and the same exact coloring as a real bun. I guess what I'm saying is, if you know anybody who loves hot dogs, buy one of these, replace the finger and ears with a real hot dog and serve it to them. I'm sure their reaction, when they realize they have a mouthful of hot dog and marshmallow, will be more than worth the cost of this Halloween treat. Do it and be sure toreport back to me with your results.

out of 5 Grim Reapers

Horror Shop French Fried Gummy Fingers

Maybe it's because Flix's marshmallow burgers, pizzas and hot dogs were so different and detailed, but these French Fried Gummy Fingers from Horror Shop really didn't do much for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the fast food style packaging and the fact that it comes with a separate ketchup packet of liquid candy blood definitely bumps it up a notch, but the gummy fingers themselves leave much to be desired. There's not a whole love of detail put into them, especially since you can see sloppy cut outlines all around the edges. They also leave much to be desired in terms of fruity flavor, as the fingers taste as artificial as you could imagine. I imagine if Flix had made a marshmallow version of these french fried fingers, we'd have ourselves a real winner here.

out of 5 hungry piranhas

Horror Shop Gummy Rat In Trap

I've never given out an award for "most heartbreaking Halloween candy" before, but I think this one qualifies. A highly detailed Gummy Rat caught in a trap. What really sells it is that he has a small piece of cheese in his mouth. And it's even the cartoony swiss cheese with holes in it. Just look at the expression on his face. You know he was all excited about finding a delicious piece of cheese and then SPLAT! Game over. Blood splattered everywhere and you can't help but feel bad for the thing, let alone want to eat it. Ok, so I tried a piece - the cheese part actually - and it didn't taste like cheese or a rat, but it still wasn't all that tasty. Nevertheless, another impressive gummy design that would make for a good Halloween decoration too. A really depressing decoration.

out of 5 Wolfman Jacks

Strawberry Vampire's Blood Spray Candy

This is probably the most random candy release of the 2010 Halloween season. After eating so many Halloween candies, many of which weren't exactly mouth-wateringly delicious, it's nice to know there's a refreshing candy breath spray. Okay, so it won't do anything to improve your breath, but this Strawberry Vampire's Blood Spray candy is fantastic. Really sour, but in a good way, and it comes in a nice tube with a spray pump. Really, how many candies do you get to spray into your mouth? On top of that, they added in the even more completely random novelty of a button that lights up the entire tube when pressed. No more fiddling around for your candy in the pitch black night while trick-or-treating, for now your vampire's blood spray will provide you with all the light and flavor you need. I've only seen these for sale at CVS, so get 'em while you still can, because they're an absolute must purchase for Halloween.

out of 5 jack-o-lanterns

So that does it for our my Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2010. There didn't seem to be as many new products on the market this season, but the new stuff that was released did seem to have more variety than usual, so I think that's a fair trade-off. As always, I must remind you that many of the candies I reviewed last year are back in stores again for this season, so be sure to keep an eye out for them as well. If you happen to spot any candies that I haven't covered yet, drop me a line and let me know so I can try to track 'em down before Halloween rolls around next year. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find away to come down from this sugar high before my heart bursts right out of my chest and runs a marathon.

Click here to return to page 1 of the Halloween candy reviews!

 

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE READER COMMENTS SECTION BELOW!

 

Reader Comments

As u wish...
Oct 22nd, 2010, 04:28 AM
these r the things i love/hate the most!
love the reviews
hate the fact i can never find the COOL one!

oh well, skunked again this year!
Member
Oct 22nd, 2010, 11:17 AM
Cool stuff! I can never find the candy corn Hershey's Kisses...
Purple Pineapple Fanatic
Oct 22nd, 2010, 11:20 AM
YES! I look forward to this all year. Love seeing what new things are out there. Now I've got a serious craving for mellowcreme pumpkins...
Forum Virgin
Oct 22nd, 2010, 12:12 PM
When I saw the skull for the Cookies n' Scream I got all excited, because a few years ago I had some really great quality fudge filled chocolate that looked exactly like it...

It's sad to learn that they used the same mold to make a basic cookies and cream variant...

Know this, had you eaten what I ate it would have certainly got 4 out of 5
hanging out
Oct 22nd, 2010, 01:47 PM
I had caramel apple herseys kisses this year. I don't if they've had them out before but they were certainly tasty. The apple flavoring added to the caramel made is so rich and intense it took me three days to finish a bag rather than one. Anything that make candy last longer is a good thing to me.
I hate this hacker crap!
Oct 22nd, 2010, 04:33 PM
I had those fright bites and was surprised how rich the chocolate was. Good times. Another excellent year for Halloween candy, may have to start a shopping list.
Cranberry Everything
Oct 22nd, 2010, 06:24 PM
Hey, for once I've seen most of the awesome candy myself!

Black Forest makes the best gummy candy I've ever had. They have Juicy Oozers Sour Gummy Sharks year round that taste just about the same as the skulls except they're shaped like red sharks.
I have the Freak Street Marshmallow Heart and it's a POUND of marshmallow (same as the skull).
Member
Oct 22nd, 2010, 07:14 PM
Where did you find the brain and about what size is it? I wanted to do a "brain in a jar" this year but couldn't find a good brain (all were too big or too unrealisitc).
Kat Kat is offline
Breathes Comics
Oct 22nd, 2010, 07:46 PM
Kids must love your house for Trick-or-Treating.
MLE MLE is offline
CHIEF OF POLICE
Oct 22nd, 2010, 08:17 PM
RoG, why don't you ever give a quick reference for CANDY NAME - STORE NAME - PRICE RANGE. Because that would actually be great.
Forum Virgin
Oct 22nd, 2010, 08:43 PM
i liked the look of the packages on the Vampire Sucker Liquids...the vampire spitting the 'blood' up is too funny!
Cranberry Everything
Oct 22nd, 2010, 11:08 PM
HowardC: I found the same gummy brain at Wal-Mart, and it's about the size of an actual brain. So it's probably a bit too big for a jar.
Member
Oct 23rd, 2010, 02:00 AM
Well this is a glass cookie jar, not a mason jar, so it might fit. The thing is, most of the brains (and brain molds) I've found are roughly 1.5x human size. That won't fit, I need something human sized or maybe just a shade smaller.
but it still damn hurts.
Oct 23rd, 2010, 09:37 PM
God, these things look awesome, but boy are they probobly awful for you! Not to be a parent or anything, but damn, particularly the candy blood, are these things that will make you die like 15 years too early? I'd rather pass these up to eat, just look at them, and eat some more ordinary cuisine! Well, thank you very much for showing what candy-pushers are selling us these days. It's all very interesting, but just not real. Maybe I took the wrong pill and turned into a localvore (-;. Sorry fellas!
Member
Oct 24th, 2010, 09:11 PM
These are always my favourite each year of the Halloween articles. I can always practically taste each thing as described. Mum only ever gets the generic-o Fun Size candies. (And what's fun about eating less candy?)

After all, what fun is Halloween if you don't get to experience the sensation of a black cat taking a dump in your mouth at least once?

Somewhere out there, RoG has made someone's fetish list...
Cartoonist extraordinaire
Oct 24th, 2010, 10:17 PM
I found the Blue Raspberry Flavored "Vampire Sucker Liquid Candy Filled Pops" at my local dollar store! These things actually showed up in Canadianland and they're delicious!
pickled
Oct 26th, 2010, 09:50 AM
Rog, how do you not weigh 300 pounds?
Forum Virgin
Oct 26th, 2010, 04:28 PM
Need to keep my eyes peeled for these things. I don't binge on sweets, are only eat candy on Halloween and Christmas. Looks like I will have to end the no binging because these candies sound tasty.

Click here to return to the Features homepage