Features

Leprechaun
by: Dr. Boogie

...CONTINUED

Topside, nobody buys Ozzie's story about a bug-eating leprechaun. He even shows them the basement, but by that time, the Leprechaun has found a decent hiding place, and Ozzie winds up looking even more like a fat dope. Oh Oz.

Back outside, Ozzie sees rainbow forming in the sky. No one else thinks a rainbow spontaneously forming in the skies over the dry, brush-lined hills of North Dakota is remarkable. Ozzie runs off to find the pot of gold that must be at the end of the rainbow, and Alex follows, hoping to keep his lumbering idiot friend from harm. Meanwhile, Tory asks Nathan if the paint they're using is biodegradable. Because she's from LA.

The rainbow leads to an old rusted out pickup truck. Ozzie manages to find one of the coins, but then the bag itself magically appears. Was Dan O'Grady some kind of North Dakotan druid?

Ozzie finally remembers that this gold was the very thing the Leprechaun who assaulted him was talking about, even though he had been talking about leprechauns and their wealth-hiding techniques since he left the house. At the same time, Alex thinks the leprechaun stuff is nonsense, even though he just found a bag of gold coins at the end of a rainbow. It's hard to say which of them is the dumber of the two.

Then Ozzie decides to defend his title by biting the coin to check its authenticity, and accidentally swallowing it in the process. He's forced to ask a tough question:

"Hey, can you die from swallowing gold?"


"Yeah, after I kill you!"

Man, this kid is a chop-buster. Anyway, Alex claims that he can get the coins "checked out" in town, and that they should hide them in the meantime. Luckily, he knows the perfect place: the rusted out truck where they've been hidden for ten years. Nah, I'm just kidding. He wants to hide them in the well by the house.

Meanwhile, Nathan is pretending to be impressed with how quickly Tory is learning how to paint a house. Nathan has been so busy flirting with Tory that he forgot that you need paint to paint a house. Luckily, Tory has also figured out how to get a paint bucket from a truck. Is there no limit to her capacity for learning?

But the Leprechaun is there, underneath the truck. He starts pawing at her leg, and she mistakenly assumes that it's Nathan doing the pawing. Yes, Tory, after you and Nathan parted ways, he made a sharp turn, ran to the truck, and slid underneath it like a major league baseball player sliding into home, just so he could check your ankle for stubble. And he did all this without you hearing or seeing anything.

Once she finally figures out how stupid an idea this way, she screams and spooks the Leprechaun. Nathan and her dad are wondering what kind of animal made the scratches. Luckily, someone ADR'ed a cat meowing into the scene to answer that question.

JD thinks the cat is hurt. As if to show where Tory gets her own powers of intuition, he blindly sticks his entire arm into a stump where the meowing is coming from. The Leprechaun bites him, and everyone is surprised. Not by the idea of a domesticated cat having a mouth that large, but I guess surprised that a cornered, injured animal would bite someone. Shocking.

JD is in need of some immediate medical care now, so it's off to the emergency room. Little do they realize, the Leprechaun is right behind them!

Now answer me honestly, folks: would you know this was a horror movie if I hadn't mentioned it earlier?

Anyway, while JD is getting his "cat bite" looked at, Alex and Ozzie sneak off to a collectible shop to have one of the Leprechaun's coins appraised.

The collector can't tell exactly how much the coin is worth, but he puts its value somewhere between $500 and "priceless". A night of research, he explains, should be enough for him to give them a more definite answer. And what a night it is.

He hears the menacing sound of a bicycle bell in the distance. And then he gets nudged by a small tricycle. Well, that's nothing to be too worried about. No reason he should stop putting the coin in his safe.

But the Leprechaun was already there! Dun dun duuuun!!! He demands the collector give him back his gold, I mean "me gold". The collector is a bit confused by this less-than-frightening character, but a quick bite on the leg is enough to convince him to give up the coin. What happens next may very well be one of the most gory and horrific scenes ever recorded on film.

The Leprechaun finds a pogo stick in the corner, and decides to put it to good use:


"This old Lep, he played one, he played pogo on his lung!"

Your eyes do not deceive you: HE KILLS THE MAN WITH A POGO STICK!!! The brutality! The sadism! The use of a children's rhyme to underscore the mayhem! I was so horrified I almost had to stop right there. And then he shined the man's shoes.

Then, "by the luck of the Irish", the Leprechaun spots a small children's pedal car. A definite improvement over a tricycle.

On the less gruesome side of town, Tory and Nathan are eating at a diner. If you were hoping for great comedy dialogue about an LA girl who just isn't adjusting to life away from the big city, or if you were hoping to hear yet another country song about four-leaf clovers, then this is the scene for you.

Luckily (no pun intended), the Leprechaun is up to more interesting hijinx.

Using, let's say leprechaun magic, the Leprechaun has gotten the little toy car up to highway speeds. Fast enough to attract the attention of a police officer, I believe his name is Officer Deadmeat.

The cop pulls him over and lectures him about being too young to drive. But the Leprechaun explains that he's actually 600 years old. How else would he know about...

The Leprechaun Eye Rake!? Take that, Johnny Law! And next time, remember to fasten that button that keeps your gun from getting yanked out of its holster and thrown away (leprechauns are very pro-gun control).

The cop runs off, but the Leprechaun isn't through with him yet. It's time for a high-stakes game of hide and seek!

The cop starts off with some hiding of his own, but the Leprechaun has 600 years of practice. The cop gets a little frustrated. Soon, he gets so frustrated that he hurls his nightstick. Oh well, I'm sure he can always fight off the Leprechaun with his bare hands. I mean, he's got at least three feet on the guy. One good punch should...


*crack*

Oh, nevermind.

There's still more madness to Leprechaun!
Click here to continue onward to page 3!

 

Reader Comments

grants but one wish
Nov 6th, 2008, 05:04 AM
i must see this movie now, if only just for this scene: "uses his hoary powers to shoot a bolt of crackling green energy to... shut the door. Ozzie opens the door back up and runs away"
drifting in the void
Nov 6th, 2008, 05:51 AM
Sounds like great entertainment.
Last of the Time Lords
Nov 6th, 2008, 06:14 AM
I minor classic. Everyone is terrible in this movie except for Davis, and his performance makes it worthwhile.
Fanboy
Nov 6th, 2008, 06:16 AM
This film is some true old-school shenanigans!
Using Ninjitsu of Fushin
Nov 6th, 2008, 07:41 AM
I love the forth instalment "Leprechaun 4: In Space" its a true classic, just like when critters when to space! I am still let to see number five "Leprechaun in the Hood"
John Freeman! Over here!
Nov 6th, 2008, 09:35 AM
Leprechaun + Go-Kart = One Way Trip To Wackyness
I hate this hacker crap!
Nov 6th, 2008, 11:40 AM
Brilliant. Simply brilliant. I've never watched any of the series, but I was familiar with "In tha hood". Thank you for that most enlightening piece of work.
Retardedly Handsome
Nov 6th, 2008, 12:03 PM
We got Freddy vs. Jason and Alien vs. Predator, Who would be a good match for the Leprechaun. I think Hollywood should get back into making monster crossover movies. I just watch Frankenstien meets the space monsters(circa 1965?) or something like that, not that it was the best film but it was entertaining. Instead of dumping out crappy snuf films why just rehash some of the 80's & 90's stars...

If Jonny Nuemonic met Neo would that be like John Malkovich sliding into his own head?
Pickled Patriarch
Nov 6th, 2008, 12:40 PM
Icculus, clearly the Leprechaun vs. Chucky would be the way to go.
What Video Games?
Nov 6th, 2008, 01:16 PM
Better yet, Leprechaun vs. Chucky vs. Puppet Master.

The only bits of the Lep I've seen is Part 3, mainly the part where the magician literally gets sawed in half and Leprechaun in Space in it's entirety. Ridiculous. Fun, but still ridiculous.
Cell Regenerated Deadite
Nov 6th, 2008, 01:33 PM
YO YO YO ! What about Leprechaun 5 when he goes to DA HOOD?
Sloth, PhD
Nov 6th, 2008, 01:35 PM
Leprechaun in the Hood is one of my favorite reeeeeeally bad movies.

"I'll take it from you, homie, you'll see, cause you know the Leprechaun is the real O.G."
☆☆☆☆☆
Nov 6th, 2008, 01:36 PM
I heard there was a part 5, where he goes to da hood!
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Nov 6th, 2008, 03:30 PM
Maybe the leprechaun can face Pee Wee Herman. Both wear silly suits and have an affinity for bicycles.
Eating angry potatos.
Nov 6th, 2008, 05:20 PM
Hey, the "ant like creature" is a potato bug.... also known as a Jerusalem cricket... they are pure evil, and taste really good.

Great movie!
Funky Dynamite
Nov 6th, 2008, 05:21 PM
In Leprechaun 5, he goes to the 'hood. In Leprechaun 6, he returns to the 'hood.
ima betch
Nov 6th, 2008, 06:10 PM
I have seen leprechaun 2 it was funny as hell
pickled
Nov 6th, 2008, 07:45 PM
How would even want to produce these movies?
Forum Virgin
Nov 6th, 2008, 08:04 PM
Is it wrong that I own the "Pot of Gore" collection of the first 5 Leprechaun films (and picked up part 6 separately)? If it is, I don't want to be right. They are continually ridiculous, but lots of fun. Warwick Davis is a king among men.
Ghoul
Nov 7th, 2008, 01:33 AM
I still rag a buddy of mine for suggesting that we go see this when it was still in theaters. I had put so much of it out of my memory that the only part I remember is when he was feeling up Jennifer Aniston at the beginning.
Member
Nov 7th, 2008, 03:41 AM
I'm amazed many of you HAVEN'T seen this film. There was a SNL Wayne's World segment at the time that did a sketch about how garth is afraid of the Leprechaun with wyane holding a flashlight under his face and doing his now shrek/ fat bastard voice repeating "da leprechaun" over and over. The bit was such a keystone that when it came time to promote the waynes world movie, they revised it for a few mtv specials.

Seriously, this is probably the most famous awful horror movie of it's day. Either you were too young or lived in a cave around the time of it's release to have missed it.

Warwick is, as the others have stated, the best part about these films. But isn't that the norm? I mean with the exception of part 1, weren't all of the kids in the freddy movies, completely uninteresting and unlikeable? Same with Jason, leatherface, ect? I think they do that on purpose so you actually don't mind when the villain returns for the sequel as he's the only saving grace of the film.

Also for those you haven't watched it (and apparently Rog) we need to point out that Ozzie is "special" / "differenlty abled" /ect (or whatever pc word the kids use for mental retardation these days). So while we can totally make fun of the others for all of their bonehead moves, we need to lay off the Ozz man as he doesn't know any better. With the exception of eating one of the coins of course. I mean what did he think it was chocolate? Even then, he eats chocolate coins without taking the wrapper off?

I would reccomend the Leprechaun in space one btw.... has two or three jokes regarding male "junk" including a hilarious segment involving the leprechaun and a enlarging ray. (And by hilarious I mean passably funny.)
Pickled Patriarch
Nov 7th, 2008, 05:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Exeter View Post
Is it wrong that I own the "Pot of Gore" collection of the first 5 Leprechaun films (and picked up part 6 separately)? If it is, I don't want to be right. They are continually ridiculous, but lots of fun. Warwick Davis is a king among men.
Wrong? Not at all man. You're talking to a guy who has purchased countless awful, yet unintentionally hilarious, movies. So by all means, continue to purchase the Leprechaun films until they stop making 'em.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HowardC View Post
Also for those you haven't watched it (and apparently Rog)
Uh, I didn't write this article, but thanks for the credit anyway.
Forum Virgin
Nov 7th, 2008, 06:57 AM
i saw in da hood and what sticks out as my fav part is when one of the pp pulls a baseball bat out of his hair right at the start it was so unpredictable it craked me up
The Power of Grayskull
Nov 7th, 2008, 08:26 AM
I was beside myself while reading this article wondering how Rog could be panning and mocking such a classic entry into 80s horror cheese, screaming to myself "Say it ain't so, Rog! Oh how I used to know thee!".

And then I realized it was written by Dr. Boogie, not Rog, so all is well.
The article was entertaining, but this sort of thing is right in your wheelhouse Rog! I'd have liked to have heard your take on it.
Mrs. Mighty Tyrant
Nov 7th, 2008, 09:07 AM
Lep in the Hood was the best.
Return to the Hood, not so much.
I hate it when they try to take a series gone askew and attempt to make a real movie.
Lep in da hood,
And he's up to no good.
Movie Enthusiast
Nov 7th, 2008, 12:03 PM
This was an absolutely fantastic read. Please do the rest of the Leprechaun movies.
40 pound box of rape?
Nov 7th, 2008, 02:44 PM
I saw In Ds Hood on BET once. There's a scene (hell, perhaps it's the whole movie) where everyone is doing various narcotics. Pretty much every character has either a bong or a joint in their hand. So BET saw fit to blur out all the offending objects. What we're left with is a bunch of black people running around with big blurs in their hands. It really ads to the ridiculous nature of the movie
WHAM!
Nov 8th, 2008, 01:40 AM
Just watched it now, you got it stuck in my head.
This movie seemed to go on and on and on, that is everything repeated at least 514 times.

I've heard many good things about the hilarity of the second Leprechaun movie from a friend who's seen em' all.
Hopefully the Leprechaun has just as much love for dinky little cars and tricycles in the second movie.
Tox Tox is offline
Forum Virgin
Nov 8th, 2008, 11:54 AM
The leprechaun movies are so awesomely bad. I've seen em all and when I was a kid I was terrified of him. I find it hilarious now that I could be scared of a midget with a mask on. hah. But I really hope they make another sequel that's somewhere just as odd as in space. Maybe "Leprechaun 20 Leagues Under the Sea"?
Importer/Exporter
Nov 9th, 2008, 04:22 PM
I had the pleasure of meeting Warwick Davis (the leprechaun, Willow, etc) a few years ago and he was quite awesome. I had no idea he was THAT tiny. I mean, he's even tiny by dwarf standards. But still, he's adorable.
Forum Virgin
Nov 9th, 2008, 11:18 PM
Likeable horror protagonists? How about Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode?
aint nobody
Nov 12th, 2008, 06:53 AM
ah Leprechaun,it's right up there with the likes of the TROLL movies in utter stupidity,yet can't look away type movies
You'll thank me later...
Nov 16th, 2008, 01:58 AM
Quote:
we need to point out that Ozzie is "special" / "differenlty abled" /ect (or whatever pc word the kids use for mental retardation these days). So while we can totally make fun of the others for all of their bonehead moves, we need to lay off the Ozz man
Never.
Forum Virgin
Nov 18th, 2008, 04:45 PM
Dr. Boogie is my favorite writer on this site.
I love his rom hack reviews, does he still do them?
Forum Virgin
Nov 18th, 2008, 04:57 PM
Oh, and am I the only person who think Jennifer Aniston looks better now, then when she was younger?
Forum Virgin
Nov 23rd, 2008, 11:46 PM
The scene where he convinces Ozzie to let him out of the box is awesome. " Let me out of the box! I'll give you three wishes........LET ME OUT OF THE DAMN BOX!!!"
Forum Virgin
Dec 23rd, 2009, 11:21 PM
This movie is so stupid that my I.Q. dropped 20 points in the first 10 minutes of it.
I would have walked out of this movie.............on an airplane its so bad.

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