Within these
wax packages was gaming wisdom that no kid previously ever had access to.
Ok, that's not really true at all. All of the "secret tips" on these cards were
either completely obvious or had already been written about in Nintendo Power (which any kid in his right mind
already had a subscription to). So what was in it for those of us who weren't
looking for secrets from the Nintendo gods?
"Scratch and Win" Game Cards
Actually,
they should really be called "Scratch and Nap" Game Cards, because you
don't really win anything. Well, if you consider luckily scratching off
enough spots to kill Mouser from SMB2 before dying to be "winning
something", then more power to ya. So basically, us kids were shelling out
plenty o' money to gamble in a game that promised no real earnings
whatsoever. They let this shit fly, yet we weren't allowed to gamble in
casinos? Which one is the real crime here folks?
FOR FUN?
Apparently
some people complained about buying the cards only to discover you
couldn't actually win anything. Just look at the little disclaimer they
later added to the bottom of all the packs: "THIS PRODUCT IS FOR FUN -
NO PRIZES AWARDED." And what fun it was. It was a big plate of fun. It
was a big plate of fun with a side of fun sauce to dip your fun in.
FUN!
Recompense!
At least
Nintendo finally wised up and released something actually useful. Now us
kids could walk into biker bars and show off our tough-guy tattoos, such
as Link on a raft or Mario making a peace symbol. Seriously though, they
were pretty cool and they even came with the infamous Topps chewing gum
that always appears to have been aged a solid 50 years or so. I still need
to buy a box of these off eBay, for when I do, these tattoos will
cover every inch of my body. Mark my words.
