Features

Sleepover Nightmare!
by: Dr. Boogie

...CONTINUED

Speaking of less intimidating, Harry has convinced Karli to "rub bums" with him. He and Rick both seem to think this is a sure sign that he's making progress with her. He tries to get her to the next level, bare bum rubs, but she declines. Unfortunately, we still get an eyeful of Harry's pale, flat ass. Thanks, movie.

Dwight arrives in time to see Harry wearing his trunks on his head. He is incensed that Harry is hitting on his girl, but he's even angrier at the fact that Karli didn't wait patiently while he was having a go at Shannon. He lecturers her on the importance of obedience, but she brushes him off. Harry, stoked over the successful bum rub, decides to grab a quick shower and meet up with Rick to fire off a celebratory joint.

In the house, Harry gets a cheap scare from Shannon's absentee boyfriend, Michael. Michael, as Shannon explains, is tripping on Ecstasy. In person, though, he seems more like he's just insane. In any case, he's not really important to the story, but the director felt it was important to show him at least twice before he becomes a statistic.

Speaking of which, Rick has wandered off to somewhere a little more private. He gives Harry a three-count before he starts without him, but Ron interrupts him. Rick compliments him on his hat, even after he grabs Rick's beer and takes a long swig. Then this happens:

One of the hardest parts of this job is figuring out what to say when you see something like this. Our killer, who is dressed like someone who tried putting together a Halloween costume by grabbing some random clothes from a thrift store, has just killed a man by smashing an empty beer can into his head. Do you realize what this means? It means Boon Collins not only thought this up, but, after writing it down, looked at it and said, "Wow, this is something I should put in a horror movie!"

The movie's pretty much over now, but let's see how everything else pans out.

Sara and Yvonne are looking for Quinn, but he's nowhere to be found. Their ride, who is somewhere off-camera, honks at them, so they run off before they notice the chocolate syrup dripping down from Quinn's en-tree-ed corpse.

Moments later, the two of them are... somewhere else. Wherever they are, they've completely lost sight not only of their ride, but of everyone else at the party. To make matter worse, Yvonne suddenly, silently, disappears. Sara is somewhat upset.


"Quinn? He better not have left without us. I had plans for the three of us tonight.
Big plans. I can't wait to get it on."

This brief monologue of hers is worth mentioning because she delivers it like Goldfinger revealing his plans to James Bond.

But that's all that notable about Sara. Even her death scene is unremarkable:

Boooorrrriiiiiing. What are Karli and Dwight up to?

Well, Dwight has some great news for Karli: Shannon's letting them sleep over! But Karli's not too sure how she feels about the news. The other guests at the party have been joking about Dwight's wandering pickle, and thick-headed as she is, Karli couldn't deny the scent of Shannon's perfume on Dwight's clothes after he went off to "help a friend." Still, a goodly amount of cajoling convinces her to stay.

And Harry? He's looking for Rick. He gets another cheap scare from Michael, and for a moment, you almost think that there's going to be something to the character of Michael. But no, it's just him rambling about the walls closing in on him while he's menaced by a giant microphone.

Harry's search for Rick proves fruitless. Stalwart sentinel that he is, Harry still overlooks a number of clues, including a bloody splotch on the ground, and the bodies of Sara and Yvonne. For some reason, Ron decided to haul them back in the sauna, wherein he arranged a little post-mortem cop-a-feel.

At this point, the party is over and everyone is leaving. Jimmy, still grumbling about his missing "crowbar", takes off as well. All that's left are Dwight, Karli, Shannon, and Harry. Oh, and Michael, but he doesn't really count. Harry asks where Rick is, only to be rebuffed by Dwight. When Karli asks why he's constantly insulting people, Dwight comes clean: "because it turns me on."

It's no wonder the ladies find him so irresistible.

How about that Michael, huh? Still wandering around in a drug-fueled haze. He manages to work his way down to the unfinished boat, where he drops his pants just enough to show us his bare ass. Before he can do full frontal, he hears some gurgling coming from inside the boathouse. Michael cuts his long rant short to investigate.

It's Rick! He's just barely survived having a beer can smashed into his skull. Boy, that is lucky! Worse yet, Ron emerges with a boat motor that he was able to discretely start while Michael was distracted by Rick. It doesn't look good for Michael. In front of him: a killer wielding a motor. Behind him: some kayaks and the way out. To the side: water. There is no escape.

Ron puts the three-inch propeller to work Michael. It takes a while, and they can't actually show any of it, but Michael is eventually killed. Remember kids: if you're going to get high, make sure you don't leave the house.

Getting back to our living victims, Shannon and Dwight have decided to flirt more openly. Karli is content to let them go off and screw again, but Shannon wants to up the ante: she wants to get Karli involved. Good ol' Karli, she's still not getting the impression that her boyfriend is a creep. This sort of thing can't go on forever, right?

Meanwhile, Harry's search has taken him to the boathouse. We get a chuckle when he says of Rick, "you'd better be dead". Inside the boathouse, he sees that something terrible has happened.

And around the corner, something even more shocking! It's so shocking, they can't even show us what it is, but Harry's peerless acting tells us everything we need to know. He runs off, presumably to tell Shannon that vandals have splashed red paint all over her kayaks.

Back at the house, Harry reveals that what he saw was Rick and Michael, only all chopped up. All at once, the four them learn to operate as one. Dwight in particular realizes that he'll need to put aside getting an erection until the crisis is over.

Step one: call cops. Unfortunately, the phone lines have been cut. Worse yet, two of our four survivors left their phones in their cars. I thought Karli had left hers there as well, given her poor judgment, but no, hers is in her jacket pocket.


Looks like Karli has the new Eye-Phone!

Seriously, though, Ron switched her cell phone with an eyeball. An eyeball that doesn't look good. How ironic.

On the upshot, Shannon found her dad's gun. Plus, they found Karli's phone in the kitchen.

Stealthily swiping "crowbars", hauling bodies into trees, stealing cell phones and nailing them to walls, all without getting caught? This guy is a pro.

He sure doesn't look the part, though.

Ron peeks in to see if they've found the phone yet. Dwight takes a shot at him, but isn't sure if he was able to hit the man standing ten feet away from him. They decide to go outside to check.

... and they lock themselves out of the house. I'm not sure how they've managed to last this long.

Luckily, Dwight had the presence of mind to keep his keys on him. All they have to do is reach his car and they'll be fine. They can even use his phone to call the cops!


"Holy shit, that's my car!"

D'oh! They didn't count on the killer's ability to hotwire cars! The group stands in the middle of the road, gawking at Dwight's car as it roars toward them. Dwight eventually convinces them to run while he takes a few shots at the driver. We hear the sound of glass breaking, but no bullet holes appear anywhere on the car, so I assume Dwight missed the car completely and hit some mason jars sitting on the fence beyond. It's no surprise, then, what happens next.

So, quick recap: everyone has lost their keys, everyone has lost their phones, the killer can hotwire cars, he just ran down the only guy who had a gun, and they've locked themselves out of the house. All before sunset. They don't have a prayer.

Shannon has a solution to one of those problems when she remembers that there's another way into the house, in the form of a key hidden near the back door. Good job, Shannon. You could've saved Dwight from getting run over if you had remembered that key a few minutes sooner, but at least you remembered.

The new plan: lock themselves in the bedroom until morning. Then, Jimmy will be back. Surely an unassuming groundskeeper walking directly into the path of a serial killer will help them in some way.

And so the waiting game begins. Harry sits, Karli stacks, and Shannon paces. Will the killer be able to get into the house again? Then again, he's so fast and quiet, who's to say he's not already in the house? He might already be in the room with them! It's all too much. Shannon has to use the bathroom.

Man, that guy works fast. He cut off Rick's head, snuck into the house, dropped it in the tub, and still had enough time to scoop out the eye and toss it in Karli's purse.

Anyway, they can't use the bathroom with Rick's head in the tub. Responsibility for moving the head falls on Harry, seeing as the two of them were friends. He grabs a towel and sort of scoops the head out of the tub. The question of what to do with it arises, and since they don't want to open the door to the hallway, Harry drops it on the floor. This is considered better than having it in the bathtub. The best part is the really odd music that plays while Harry is transporting the head. The only way I can describe it is "synthesized bees buzzing and cows mooing". Still, I'll take it over Shannon's nonstop screaming.

Their first real chance at making out alive arrives in the form of two mail carriers pretending to be cops. Through dialog, we learn that they're responding to reports of gunshots. And it only took them two or three hours to get there. They knock on the door, prompting Karli to ask, "Is that the doorbell?" When they announce that they're cops, Shannon jumps into action, screaming for help, but the others quiet her down. What if it's just the killer pretending? Having seen their crappy uniforms and matte black "cop car", I'm ready to believe that as well. They opt to stay in the bedroom.

In the meantime, the cops have circled around the house and entered through the open back door. Looks like Ron was able to grab Shannon's keys at some point. Bummer.

The cops decide to split up, with one heading upstairs and the other heading down. The one who went up eventually reaches the blocked bedroom door. He calls out, but the survivors still think it might be the killer, even though his voice is noticeably different from the cop who was shouting before. They come up with a foolproof test: they ask for his badge number, because there's no way the killer could just come up with a number off the top of his head. The cop gives his number and identifies himself as Officer Webb, so everything is copacetic.

Until he gets stabbed from behind. We're led to believe that's what happened, courtesy of this top-notch CGI effect. Doesn't that look so much like a knife and some blood? This movie was made in 2005, by the way. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

So he's dead, and he didn't make any noise, so now his partner is walking into a trap. He could call for backup, but that would require a radio. He'll have to rely on his training to see him through this tough situa-

Nope. At best, all that time at the academy allowed him to fire a single wide shot before getting stabbed in the chest. What a day to go out without his bulletproof vest. And radio. And club. And pepper spray. At least he remembered his pants.

Our cautious group of survivors is alerted by the gunshot. Thinking the worst has happened, they remain in the bedroom, waiting for the killer to... nah, I'm just kidding. They almost immediately open the door and walk right into the killer.

There's still more of Sleepover Nightmare to see!
Click here to continue onward to page 3!

 

Reader Comments

Forum Virgin
Oct 27th, 2009, 09:09 AM
The killer looks a bit like Andrew WK. Especially that last image on the first page.
SKATASTIC
Oct 27th, 2009, 11:08 AM
It looks like Tadao once he gets the hat.

Anyway, people don't bungle enough anymore.
Forum Virgin
Oct 27th, 2009, 11:09 AM
If I may be a car geek for a second... Ron flipped his Camaro ('maro?) and not his 'vette.
Forum Virgin
Oct 27th, 2009, 11:16 AM
Holy balls that looks terrible...and not in a good way...hey rog did you ever see "serial slayer"? That has my vote as not only the worst horror movie of all time, but just flat out the worst movie...though this would appear to be rivalling it...
Forum Virgin
Oct 27th, 2009, 11:19 AM
My apple logies for being presumptious Dr. Boogie. I henceforth redirect my question to you...
I am Johnny Luchador
Oct 27th, 2009, 11:55 AM
I actually own this movie in my horror collection. I picked it up in a 3 dollar movie bin, and it really is, as charles barkley would say, "turable"...
Forum Virgin
Oct 27th, 2009, 01:03 PM
it looks pretty bad, even worse than the jackhammer massacre possibly. though i still think the worst movie i've watched was probably the memorial day massacre. some weird hermit or something stalking a bunch of random families that were camping. i think he dropped a dead german shepard in the well? that's pretty threatening
Last of the Time Lords
Oct 27th, 2009, 03:10 PM
Man, this looks bad. Really bad. Not even bad in a fun "Watch at 3am while drunk" bad. Just bad.
With More Yes Than Ever
Oct 27th, 2009, 04:14 PM
lol, Memorial Valley Massacre was awesome just because it didn't make sense. This movie sounds a tad bit worse than Wrestlemaniac.
Cranberry Everything
Oct 27th, 2009, 05:22 PM
That movie looks horrid. Though without it, we wouldn't have gotten statements from Dr. Boogie like: "We hear the sound of glass breaking, but no bullet holes appear anywhere on the car, so I assume Dwight missed the car completely and hit some mason jars sitting on the fence beyond."

So I guess some good came from it.
Member OfThe Pigmask Army
Oct 27th, 2009, 08:24 PM
The only thing that I even relatively liked was the fact most of the kills that happened in the present were the exact same kills that happened in the flashback, starting with some ugly assholes doing the nasty, like in the flashback.
Ah, hell, even that sucked. They could of done that a lot better.
I hate this hacker crap!
Oct 28th, 2009, 10:42 PM
That's a damn awesome dancing gif. For an awful movie.

e: "And then this happens" = amazing
Magic squirrel
Oct 29th, 2009, 02:31 PM
As a Canadian...well I am sorry...

However if you want to see a worse POS movie than this one (it never got the ok from anyone even direct to video!) look up Psyco Pike! (I am dead serious)
☆☆☆☆☆
Oct 30th, 2009, 01:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost View Post
It looks like Tadao once he gets the hat.

Anyway, people don't bungle enough anymore.
Note to self : Buy hat
pickled
Oct 30th, 2009, 05:31 PM
Stop giving Tadao suggestions, people!
The Grand Old n00b
Oct 30th, 2009, 07:53 PM
The cover makes the killer look like the aborted child of Bob Marley and a pissed gardener.
Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2009, 10:30 PM
Ok battle of the dances... Harry's Dance from this vs Crispin Glover's dance from Friday the 13th The Final Chapter vs Carlton's dance from Fresh Prince?
Space Cowboy
Nov 17th, 2009, 12:16 AM
Quote:
Shannon is absolutely taken by Dwight's resemblance to Alex Winter.
She wasn't the only one. I actually thought that it was in fact Bill S. Preston, Esquire for a split second.

Click here to return to the Features homepage