by: Dr. Boogie

...CONTINUED

They bail and run back to the house. Meanwhile, Sheila and TJ make it to someone else's house and scream at the door. The lights are on, but nobody's home.

That's the only explanation I can think of for why these two try to shamble away when the killer starts bearing down on them again. He easily catches them and knocks Sheila away so he can finish TJ.

Sheila manages to escape, but TJ has to experience what he's been doing to that blow-up doll for months.

Courtney tries to call the cops, but they think she's just yanking their chains. If you were still wondering about why they called the cops earlier instead of just looking in the trash compactor, now you know. Screenwriting 101............ is what the screenwriter should have taken before cranking out this script.

The officer rebuffs them and tells them not to call back. And they do just that! They don't try to annoy him into coming out to teach them a lesson; they give up completely because they would rather get drilled to death than offend some cop they just met! I'm beginning to think Courtney isn't the only crazy one!!

During this pointlessness, Sheila makes her way back to the house. Her screaming alerts Courtney as she scrambles upstairs with the killer in gradual pursuit. Then suddenly, he breaks out into song:

"Now here comes the fun part!"

Like the story of the Tortoise and the Hare, the killer is so far ahead that he decides to stop for a long break. He starts vamping out while Sheila struggles to join up with Courtney and Amy. Sadly, they are dumb as hell and didn't start un-barricading the door as soon as they heard her screaming. The killer takes his time on the approach.

You know, I was thinking the movie was just plodding along before, but it occurs to me that the killer was just biding his time because these teenagers are just so damn easy to kill. Here's how stupid they are: They hear Sheila screaming for help. They KNOW she's right outside the door, but they hear the killer laughing, so they START BLOCKING THE DOOR AGAIN!!! I don't feel sorry for any of them because they are all terrible people who will abandon each other at the slightest difficulty.

The killer even has time to do a few fake-outs with Sheila before finally drilling her.

Sorry you have bad friends, Sheila.

At this point, I fully expected them to just unblock the door and walk outside, thinking the killer was gone. Before they get the chance, the killer drills through the cardboard door and comes after them. They escape out the window and it's time for another song.

Nah, I'm just kidding... this time.

It turns out these cookie cutter houses are even worse than I thought because apparently, they are close enough together that the two girls are able to escape by traveling across a series of roofs. Are they selling these things for five digits?

Once more, while they flee, the killer shreds away at his drill guitar... I mean his drill-tar... I mean his kill-tar. After they climb off the roof, it's time for more action.

He teleports in and swipes at Amy, just barely grazing her cheek. "I can't get no... satisfaction." Maybe he can apprentice under the Leprechaun to learn some better one-liners.

Okay, now it actually is time for another song.

The killer pursues them through a house under construction, swiping at them all the while. Amy sustains more and more injuries as she struggles to pass through large gaps and open doorways. Their frantic flight takes them to the top floor while the killer stops both the pursuit and the music to enjoy a cigarette. I get that he's not working hard for these kills, but have some respect for the craft.

That's what I thought until Amy tripped and fell over the edge of the house.

Just let go. You know you're not getting out of here. Also, I'm pretty sure you're hanging from the second floor, so at most we're talking about a twelve-foot drop. Just flex your knees!

She fails to flex her knees when the killer shows up and knocks Courtney away.

I'm only giving him partial credit for that one, as she fell over the edge herself and he barely had to intervene for her to fall.

It's hard to tell at this point what's killing the tension more: the faux Elvis music, or the fact that I hate all these stupid assholes. Well now there's just one stupid asshole left. The music fades out and the killer stops to talk. He tells Courtney a little rhyme:

"Well she broke'a my heart, it made me cry, so don't you know, she had to die."

And then the goddamn music starts back up again!

Courtney climbs to the top floor and finds a blowtorch. The killer is so confident she won't use it (and who could blame him at this point) that he taunts her, "Come on baby, light my fire!" She responds: "You bet I will."

Well that didn't work out the way he intended. Adding insult to injury, his rockin' killer tune continues to play as his burning corpse cartwheels off the roof.

Hours later, EMTs are carting Amy away and Courtney needs one last peek at her idiot friend.

She wakes up and starts laughing the killer's laugh. Oh noes!!!

But it was all a dream. I mean... it was all a dream!?

No, wait, that part was a dream.

Err, this part is a dream.

And... this part too... I guess.

All questions for the sequel, right? Wrong. There was a sequel, but they decided to ditch the ongoing continuity setup in the first two movies and just made it about another killer who uses a drill. The credits actually refer to the rock and roll killer guy as "The Driller Killer," which became the moniker for all the drill-wielding killers in the series.

But the best credit goes to producer Don Daniel, who has a brief cameo as a neighbor who steps outside to investigate TJ's noisy death and says, "damn kids." His character name: Mr. Damnkids. I think we can all agree that character name is better than anything else in this movie.

Rock on, you damn kids!

 

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