Features

Toxic High School Trading Cards: A Criminally Overlooked Trading Card Set
by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

 
Card 44

(It's hard to read but one person spraypainted "eat turtle" on the back wall.)



Card 45

(In many ways, that's actually a fairly accurate depiction of Coney Island.)

 
Card 46

(If there's one thing I need to do before I die, it's gotta be spraypainting "EAT GRITS" on the chin of the Statue of Liberty.)



Card 47

(Am I the only one who can actually picture Elvis eating the bacon and marshmallow salad?)

 
Card 48

(That's honestly how everybody should react to the thought of attending prom.)

 
Card 49

(Mark my words, "The Bunny Stomp" is gonna be the next big dance craze.)

 
Card 50

(Finally we get to see who Uvula Moosnapper really is. I dunno, I think she should've won the prom queen nomination.)

 
Card 51

(Another card with Warren, another triple shot of "EGGS!")



Card 52

(And all these years you thought Clearasil was the only way to fight your acne problems...)

 
Card 53

(I don't know if I would be horrified or extremely excited if I picked my nose and found a miniature red carriage in there.)

 
Card 54

(This is pretty much how all debates should be settled.)



Card 55

(Are they really peeping toms when that entire building appears to be filled with exhibitionists performing in the windows?)

 
Card 56

(Apparently, if you're familiar with wounded chihuahuas, you're well on your way to becoming an actor.)



Card 57

(It sure is a good thing they have that skeleton to point out the smokin club rules.)

 
Card 58

(Look at that filing cabinet on the left. Notice the graffiti on it? EGGS!)

 
Card 59

(I never knew Staten Island was traded for a fistful of oatmeal. I'd say the Iroquois Indians made out better on that deal.)



Card 60

(My school didn't have anywhere near the variety of clubs that Toxic High has.)



Card 61

(Think the gorilla will score perfect 10's too?)

 
Card 62

(It's nice to see that even the guy in the iron lung wants to continue his education.)



Card 63

(Goodbye Toxic High School... we barely knew ya.)

 
Card 64

So there you have it, the entire Toxic High School trading cards set. They're easily one of the greatest anti-school novelties you'll ever come across. If Troma, creators of The Toxic Avenger and Class Of Nuke 'Em High ever released a card set, I think it's safe to say, this definitely would've been it. I hope you've enjoyed this look at at one of my favorite unsung gems from the wonderful world of novelty trading cards. Now if you'll excuse me, my scanner is on the fritz after scanning in all these cards. My guess is that it got some grits in it. Damn you Toxic High School!!!

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Email -RoG-

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:

Wacko-Saurs Trading Cards
Wacko-Saurs Trading Cards

Reader Comments

Riot Control
Apr 28th, 2008, 04:04 PM
I swear I would have cried if I ever found the principal bringing down the high school building with heavy duty machinery. As for the rest... I guess that having a "French" class would have made the schedule a lot more fun.
Forum Virgin
Apr 28th, 2008, 04:07 PM
ew...never like gross humor cards. I guess the fun is just lost on me.

On a side note, I was looking at my Netfix, and there's a Garbage Pail Kid's Movie?

what?
The Moxie Nerve Food Tonic
Apr 28th, 2008, 04:50 PM
The art looks like the amazing Friedman brothers! Do you know if it is?
SKATASTIC
Apr 28th, 2008, 06:39 PM
I love Shemp rules in card #9. I keep telling people Shemp from the 3 stooges is the best one. At least someone knows whats up.
Riot Control
Apr 28th, 2008, 06:45 PM
Tayeloquin: I don't like all those gross humor cards either. I had to skip some of them as my eyeballs were paifully consumed by some nasty examples, but some were OK and quite hilarious. #21, for example, is completely modest in humor.
Riot Control
Apr 28th, 2008, 06:49 PM
RoG: It actually looks like the dog in #16 is driving the bus, as the alleged driver is blind.
Almighty Samfucius
Apr 28th, 2008, 08:00 PM
Is it just me, or did the artists seem to have a strange affinity for brass knuckles?

I saw a good number of them, at least more than I would expect.
Last of the Time Lords
Apr 28th, 2008, 08:25 PM
I actually remember these! They will never dislodge GPK and Wacky Packages from their central place in my heart, but I loved them just the same.
The Magnificent Bastard
Apr 29th, 2008, 01:08 AM
OMG! This is the best Trading card set ever!

It truly is a shame that these are overlooked as they even surpass such classics as GPK and Mar's Attacks in many areas.

It's also a fairly accurate portrayal of High School life.

BTW anybody else think this would make a great cartoon?
Forum Virgin
Apr 29th, 2008, 01:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mburbank View Post
The art looks like the amazing Friedman brothers! Do you know if it is?
I don't know if it is the Friedman brothers or not. It does smack of them though.

Being a card collector most of my life (hockey generally) I've never seen these cards out. Wal-Mart usually has the collector cards all lumped together...I wouldn't have bought them though....
The Magnificent Bastard
Apr 29th, 2008, 03:57 AM
The "grossness" doesn't impress me half as much as the dead-on satire of one's High-School years. IMO, The funniest cards were the ones like #15.
The Riddle Pimp
Apr 29th, 2008, 08:18 AM
EGGS!
lurking on the walls
Apr 29th, 2008, 09:53 AM
DUDE!!! i like these cards, i wish i had the collection, all i have are Garbage Pail Kids and the early 90's complete Wacky Packages collection
Retardedly Handsome
Apr 29th, 2008, 10:30 AM
According to card 13 the zip code for Toxictown puts them NJ...seems about right.
after enough bourbon ...
Apr 29th, 2008, 10:56 AM
An heroic effort, -Rog-, thanks. Eggs! (poached)
pickled
Apr 29th, 2008, 11:37 AM
These cards were too awesome for your scanner to handle.
Member
Apr 29th, 2008, 02:18 PM
Not only was a head of cabbage principal, it was principal for eight years.
Forum Virgin
Apr 29th, 2008, 03:44 PM
These are fucking incredible. Awesome.
Forum Virgin
Apr 29th, 2008, 05:30 PM
What's with the casual vomiting? You'd think they would have look of disgust or pain or SOMETHING on their face, but these people just projectile vomit like it's nothing.
Thrills and Oblongs
Apr 29th, 2008, 06:53 PM
And who one earth has that consistancy of vomit? Really, it's quite scary.

Thinking about it, considering the menu, it probably makes sense...
grants but one wish
Apr 30th, 2008, 09:00 AM
i must admit, those cafateria ladys do have that "just another day at work" look about them, hell, that looked better than whats on offer in our canteen
☆☆☆☆☆
May 5th, 2008, 07:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mburbank View Post
The art looks like the amazing Friedman brothers! Do you know if it is?
Rog...?
Pickled Patriarch
May 6th, 2008, 01:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mburbank View Post
The art looks like the amazing Friedman brothers! Do you know if it is?
Ok, I finally tracked down some information about the creators of the set:

"Editor: Mark Newgarden. Sr. Writers: Drew Friedman, John Mariano, Mark Newgarden. Character design and pencils: Drew Friedman. Painters: Tom Bunk, Pat Pigott, John Pound, Walter Velez, Xno. Additional writers: Jordon Bockhanis, Jay Lynch, Russ Reiley, Beth Pearson."

So yeah, it does look like at least one of the Friedman brothers worked on it Max. Good eye! John Pound, who is probably the most famous artist from the Garbage Pail Kids, also worked on it which might explain how there were several little nods to the GPK series in the Toxic High set.
☆☆☆☆☆
May 6th, 2008, 07:49 PM
I miss my Wacky Packy collection. I gave it to my little brother and he plastered them all over his school books. He feels bad to this day, but I flinched once when I saw his books and learned not to care about things you give to people.
Pickled Patriarch
May 6th, 2008, 08:02 PM
It's fine to put classic stickers like that on stuff... the only thing is, if you're going to stick 'em on something, make sure it's something you're not gonna get rid of after 6 months or so like school books. I suggest using them to improve the look of your computer, your musical instrument of choice, your furniture and even your body because you're likely to hold onto all of those things for a lot longer than your average school book.
☆☆☆☆☆
May 6th, 2008, 08:50 PM
If only I could travel back to 1980 something to tell him :/
Pickled Patriarch
May 7th, 2008, 02:23 AM
With the magical powers of eBay, you can!
GoldMember
May 12th, 2008, 06:11 PM
Huzzah!
MELTING WATCHES, GALA!
Jul 12th, 2008, 08:22 AM
UBER-FACT
On card 9 it clearly says "Manson teaches gym."

So Charles Manson was a gym teacher before he went batcrap insane? Makes sense to me.
Member
Feb 20th, 2009, 02:59 PM
Is there going to be a Grossville High minimock? Grossville High is like Toxic High combined with Garbage Pail Kids.
Member
Feb 20th, 2009, 03:17 PM
A lot of those numbers are either too many digits, or not enough, especially the Stallone number.
The Ugly Puckling
Feb 20th, 2009, 07:01 PM
Akktri is obsessing over awesome body parts.


GO ask Alice!
King of the Boomstick
Nov 15th, 2009, 06:15 PM
I HAD these!! But you forgot to post the class pictures at the end of the series.
sadomasochist
Oct 2nd, 2010, 08:10 AM
these are just awesome fuggin cards man!
Member
Oct 3rd, 2010, 02:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayeloquin View Post
ew...never like gross humor cards. I guess the fun is just lost on me.

On a side note, I was looking at my Netfix, and there's a Garbage Pail Kid's Movie?

what?
Not only is there a Garbage Pail Kids movie, it's a godawful movie!
Unfunny Python Reference
Feb 7th, 2012, 02:04 AM
I just ordered a box For $11.49. From what I read it's a steal.

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